Hi there! So recently, I've been on this social app for a good 7-8 months. I ended up in this huge group chat with a lot of people and it's shrunken down to a select few of us who have all grown to be good friends despite it being online. Eventually I met this person on it as well and we also became friends and knew each other for maybe a month or two. They had a wonderful personality- strong willed, confident, and mature. I began to have a crush on this person and this doesn't happen often. At. All. My heart would flutter just thinking about them and they eventually confessed that they liked me. We entered an online relationship and I found out that they were actually not 16 like I thought since they were more mature, but 13. Still, we agreed after some hesitation on my part considering I didn't want them to get in trouble since I'm 17. We've been together for about two months at this point and it's amazing. A goodnight every night and anytime there's something bothering one of us we do everything in our power to help each other feel better. I've never ever felt so valued by another person in my life. They've been in relationships before with those of their age and this is my first too. We know what each other looks like on Snapchat now to make sure neither of us are creepos and at this point we're both positive we're not. However I sometimes hear people insulting relationships with age gaps like ours and it breaks my heart. They're in another country and we pay more focus on personality rather than looks. I have no desire for anything sexual anyways. So is it so wrong? Am I wrong?
I would guess that the main reason it bothers people...is due to the fact that your age difference is very very large at that age. At ages 23 and 27, it wouldn't be as big of a deal, since you're closer to having similar life experience.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but this age gap at this age is *grossly* inappropriate, no matter how mature the younger person is. In nearly every state in the US, and in most other countries, it would be a felony. I agree with creativemind that at 23 and 27, it's less of an issue... but at 13 and 17, the developmental differences, maturity levels, and even basic brain development are so completely different that there's no way it can be appropriate or healthy.
this isn't really appropriate. a 4 year age gap isn't that big, however it's more the ages of you and the other person that are the problem. you're 17, and they're 13. 13 is a very young age, and they wouldn't have finished developing mentally or physically yet. also, the relationship is a felony, because the 13 year old is under the age of consent and you aren't, and if you were to have sex, you would be committing a crime and could go to jail. now this person seems to have made a really positive impact in your life. maybe you should try just being friends for a while, then, when they get older, and if you still want to, maybe try again at the relationship? because if it carries on, you are looking at possibly going to court/jail.
You would most likely not be prosecuted with a felony for this, especially not if you never even meet one another. If you were 18 then it would be a different story. The fact this person and you have a strong connection over the Internet isn't wrong, but it should not be a relationship in the same sense as most people would define it. You shouldn't have romantic intentions for a 13 year old because as a 13 year old.
Howdy all! Now I know a lot of you are saying this is a felony and this is gross, but really, is it? Without sexual acts in the relationship, there are no laws violated here. There are no laws against two people dating, no matter the ages, above or below age of consent. Age is also simply just a number of the amount of times you've been around the sun! The gap is only 4 years, and they are both in their teens instead of one individual being still a child and the other been around 20 (which is when that's truly disturbing). Family of mine, for example, are happily and healthily married, with an age gap of 10 years. Some people physically and mentally mature faster than others. While the brain, on average, doesn't stop developing at 21, some still do develop before or after 21. Some still develop at a faster rate than others. It may be a spiked brain development that mellows as 21 aproaches. Ages are a socal construct; the body does what the body feels like doing. In short, this relationship, no matter the ages you are now, is healthy; if you share similar things in common and know each other well, with trust being the structure of your relationship, it's safe and nontoxic. I do wish you all the best with this though~
There is nothing wrong with you having a friendship with a person of any age. The problems will begin if and when you decide to turn the relationship into a sexual one and the problems won't be the 13 year old's, they will be yours. Age of consent varies from country to country and even state to state or province to province and you MUST be aware of those consent laws at all times. The age gap itself isn't a major issue however could you and your friend maintain a non sexual relationship until you both reach an age where the gap will not get you into trouble with the laws of your residence? Many or most in your situation will find this difficult or impossible. I am not one to judge you, I became sexually active very young and with older partners and there is something you need to understand. Once a relationship is consummated the power of the relationship is no longer in the older partner's favor. It will and forever remain in the younger partner's hands a case in point being Congressman Dennis Hastert of Illinois who went to prison because his younger partner from many years before decided to hold that relationship over him for the purpose of monetary gain. You are young now, years from now do you want the relationship to be hanging over you like a badge of dishonor and shame? I never took my relationships to that level and never will. Can you expect the same from your friend? If your answer is an honest "I don't know." best you call this one a draw and look each other up in another five years when you both are at the global average of legal age of consent. HTH
Actually, that's not the case. It depends on the nature of the conversations and what happens. Some years ago, there was a 13 year old on EC who was in a "relationship" with an older guy via Skype. They were on opposite coasts in the US. The 13 year old asked for our help, we reached out to his school's social worker, who took the reins and got things moving. A month later, we got a call from the police detective in the town where the older guy lived. They arrested him, and the dude is now in jail. This is absolutely, positively not true. It is incredibly irresponsible, and terrible advice for someone where there is a 4 year age gap with the younger person is 13 years old. I'm honestly appalled that you consider this any sort of appropriate.
It's inappropriate because a 13 year old, even a 'mature' one, isn't as mature (mentally or physically) as a 17 year old. When you're both adults, a four year age gap wouldn't make a difference but this is different. I know so much more now (almost 17) than I did back then, at 13 you're still very much a child. 17 year olds were basically adults to me and I felt like they held more authority than I did. And I thought I wanted to date some of the senior students (17-18) but that doesn't mean I was in any way prepared for a relationship. I was considered mature for my age too. There's a power imbalance and the difference in maturity is too large IMO. Even if there's no sexual contact, it's still inappropriate.
When I was about 16, I felt highly attracted to a 13-year old boy. I went on a school trip with him and we actually bonded a lot. He was really cute and I probably even developed some feelings for him. But if I would have done anything with those feelings, quiet frankly, I feel like it could have seriously hurt him. Boys that age look up to you lot. This boy most likely considers you as a role-model and someone he can trust but there is no chance that this boy is mentally capable of having a relationship with a 17 year old. Impossible. He is not different to other 13 year olds no matter how mature he seems. Now, I still feel attracted to boys who are 18. Also an age gap of 3 years but 18 year olds are a lot more mature and able to know what they want. And even this age difference is often already too much for it to be able to work. I understand this was not what you wanted to hear but I am 100% you will be a lot happier (and save yourself from possibly a lot of trouble) if you let this one pass.
