Hey all, I'm 37 and this is the first time I've ever posted on a site of this nature so this is a big step for me... I'm married with 2 lovely children but I feel that a part of me is being suppressed. I've had attractions to female friends and other experiences in the past which have led me to feel that I am bisexual. It's difficult because I do love my husband - we've been married for 10 years. However, I've not really been attracted to him for some time. The thought of never exploring this other side of me is frankly getting me down. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and trying to puzzle it all out in my head isn't really getting me anywhere. I guess I'm here to give an outlet to my feelings, chat with people and take a step towards understanding this side of myself a little better. Are there others out there in a similar situation to me? Thanks for any replies x
You've come to the right place. Stick around. Check out some of the other threads. You'll find many similar stories. Welcome to EC!
Hi, I've got a few years on you and have been married to my wife for 28 years. First off you have my massive respect for not straying and exploring your feelings. I haven't had that willpower. There have been a number of times where I have explored my MM feelings while justifying it with the fact that the other person was married as well. For me these feelings have come and gone, a bit like a roller coaster. Thankfully I'm so paranoid about playing safe and not trusting people in general to be truthful that the amount of actual exploring has been pretty limited. That being said the feelings never do go away and I always wonder what it would be like to actually have a close intimate relationship with another guy. I came out to my wife as bi around 3 years ago during a therapy / counseling session. To be honest we were pretty much at each other's throat at that time and I was hoping that the honesty would push her to say that it was over. It didn't happen. Instead (she's always been a jealous person), now she's jealous about both men and women. Needless to say it hasn't been smooth sailing in the relationship since then. I have two older sons, and I'm sure they've known for a long time that we aren't happy together. However, my wife can't work due to a car accident 10 years ago and of course I have the guilt of the times I strayed outside our marriage. So, since the 1st part of this year I made a deal with myself that I need to be faithful (both physically and emotionally) until a time comes and I'm available to have another relationship. I can't tell you how frustrating it has been. But, for now it is what it is until I can figure out another option. I'd never encourage you to just come out and talk about your desires or feelings, but if you continue to deny them, I'm telling you from experience it will not be easy. Sorry for rambling on, but you are for sure not alone.
Wow I am in your exact situation. You really are in the right place. I have been battling this internally for 6 months, having multiple same sex attractions while married to my amazing husband with a young child. I care for him so much but I am not attracted to him in that way. It drove me crazy to the point that I had to tell him. The last two months have been an insane ride for our marriage. Neither of us know if we are going to work anymore, but we constantly communicate and he is trying to be patient while I try and figure myself out. Therapy and journaling frequently have helped. I just started on antidepressants as I was driving myself insane in my head and I already am feeling much better. I don't think I realized what road I was really going to be traveling down, but here I am. The difference is I am worried I am gay, not bisexual. However not having the sexual attraction to your husband makes it difficult and confusing. Hang in there. Let yourself feel things and be honest with yourself. Marriage counseling may also be a good option. My husband and I start next week. Keep posting and reading others' stories.. it helps
