Stereotypical gay

Hello Notmuchtosay! Welcome to EC!

As you know, stereotypes are stupid and generally useless. In my opinion, the most important thing is to be comfortable with yourself. If you are comfortable with who you are, it really doesn't matter what anyone else may think.

You certainly should never change who you are or what you do simply because of outside pressure or someone else's 'expectations.'

Just my thoughts.

 

I just try and be myself. I do not deliberately exhibit gay mannerisms nor do I hide any. People can assume what they want and I believe that I cannot please everyone. I need to confirm to myself.

 

I totally get what you are saying OP. When I came out no one was expecting it. I was not and am still not the "stereotypical gay" that's just not me. To start acting like it, would be to be untrue to myself. And yes, there are a lot of people out there who will always question how you can be gay when you don't "act gay"? They will think you are confused (my parents) but at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and the decisions you make. The irony is not lost on me. The LGBT community can be toxic at times. The same people who are a minority cause more damage to their own "people" than straight people could ever dream of. It's not much fun when you get ghosted by a guy after spending two weeks talking to him. It seems to me that as an Gay man, that other gay men are always looking to "trade up" to someone with a hotter body, more money, better taste, nicer hair, bigger muscles. But what they don't realize in their quest for vanity and material things, that the "10" they have now will be a "2" when he's a gray and bitter old bitchy queen. Just don't let it get to you and continue to be true to yourself. We like you just the way you are and if other people don't the hell with them!

 

I hate all this stereotypes. Gay/bi/trans persons are not a homogenous group who all act according to some "given role" sure there are a lot of stereotypical things who may be true for how a lot of people in the respective group act. But eg. not all gay men are "flaming queens" working in hairdressing (not that there is anything wrong with that)
The worst stereotype for gay men I think is the sex crazed maniac, some believe that gay men have sexual desires for every single man walking on this earth, that's a stereotypes that leads to straight men having hostility towards gays and leads to violence :S

 

Unfortunately, humans have a terrible habit of stereotyping each other, for all sorts of reasons and if you're on the receiving end it can be particularly annoying. We can either play to the stereotype (some people do, I'm afraid) or live in such a way that we challenge the stereotype and advance a better way of thinking. I know what I would choose.

In reality, your friends probably walk past hundreds of gay people every week and don't have the faintest idea.

 

yeah the stereotype is really just a myth. People from all walks of life are gay. TV and media tend to push the idea of the stereotype gay for some reason, dont know why maybe it sells more some how? But in reality its simpley not ture. It goes for everything else, for example a football player doesnt have to be a meat head jock they can believe it or not enjoy books!

 

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I've never felt pressure to act a certain way, but I'm highly resistant to peer pressure and social expectation, among other pressures of that sort. That said? I am aware that many people don't expect me to be into men when they first meet me, and that gay men often expect me to act "twink-ish" and are often taken aback by my somewhat dominant and grounded demeanor.

 

Depends on the stereotype, really. There's a world of difference between a leather bear and a twink, for example. Also keep in mind how comfortable a person is with their sexuality, how involved with the LGBT community, and ideas related to sexuality, gender, etc. probably play a part, too.

I do think your average gay man has more traits that would be considered "feminine" or within the realm of "women's" than straight men, and vice versa. It isn't a bad thing. Too many folk are concerned with being like "everyone else", and forgetting that we wouldn't be here if others didn't stand out in the first place (whether by choice or not).

 

When I was young I used to believe the stereotypes - and it's one of the reasons I had trouble identifying as gay myself. I believe it comes from the fact that the more masculine gay men blend in better and hide better, whereas the more feminine of us gay guys couldn't hide and came out because they were basically forced to come out. When the only "gay" people you see growing up are the more campy, feminine, "gay-voiced" type, it adds to the perception that that's what "gay" is.

 

Never feel obligated to change yourself to fit in with any group. Now I may fall into those stereotypes with a higher voice and pop music lover, but I would never expect any other gay person to fall into that category.

If they have trouble taking you seriously as a gay man seriously how shallow can they be? Are they oblivious to anyone who doesn't fit into stereotypes? People like that frustrate me. It's not like you woke up one day and decided to make this giant elaborate gay joke. Anyways a little off topic there but hope it did something if not at least bring a smile to your face.

 

That's too bad you're getting those reactions, but don't let it stop you from further coming out and congrats on all you have so far! The sad thing about the stereotype is that I think it makes it really hard for a lot of guys to come out because they don't identify as gay since they got the wrong definition of what being gay means and they don't realize there are other gay guys like them. My theory is that most gay guys are average and don't fit the stereotype so people don't suspect. Lots of them won't easily realize they're gay or don't admit it due to the stereotype, discrimination, rejection, etc. and pretend to be straight and even marry women. Eventually some come out, but I wonder how many never will. I am one who didn't realize I was gay since I didn't fit the stereotype and went along obliviously for too long.

The good news is the more average guys like you who come out, that chips away at the stereotype which helps more guys come out. It's great when athletes and other "tough" guys come out to help dispel the myths. There should be an advertising campaign that gay guys come in all shapes, types and personalities and the only thing that makes a person gay is attraction to the same gender. All types are equally good and worthy. This is obvious to us, but clearly by this thread and others on EC, lots of people aren't aware and sadly it makes it hard for some guys to come out. The other good news is there are other guys like you if that is the type you're into. Keep being yourself and educate others along the way as needed. The gay guys who think you're acting straight need an education too. Ask them why they think all gay guys should be a certain way.

This reminds me of the book/movie, The Celluloid Closet, which was interesting and I think explains partly how these stereotypes got so pervasive through movies feeding us this false image for various reasons.