I fucking hate being bisexual. I wish I was gay, it would be easier. I'm envious of monosexuals, especially those few gay people who knew since they were ten. I cannot deny my opposite sex attraction any longer. At first, when I discovered that not everyone were attracted to women (I assumed so since society sexualizes females so much more than males), I tried to deny my same sex attractions. Then, slowly but surely, I begun saying "well, maybe I'm like 70% gay and 30% straight" and then it just climbed up and up until I said I was 100% gay. But then, over the course of the last year or so, I begun feeling more sexual attraction to males again and I despise it and tried to deny it. Not that I despise men, but... I feel like one of those virturous pedophiles. They don't actually want to harm children or even to be with them, but they still have these god damn annoying attractions. That's how I feel. I don't want to be with a guy. When I'm not masturbating the thought of having sex with a guy is just "eew", but thinking of guys makes (right now, it wasn't like that some time ago) me orgasm easier than anything else. Straight romance never interested me one bit and still don't that much. What's the freakin' point of being attracted to someone I don't want to be with long-term? I'm really worried that my attractions for girls was a phase, although I still am and almost always was attracted to them. I hate the fluidity of my attractions. What gets me off has changed so much and still does. What if I one day wake up not attracted to my (future) girlfriend? I'm beginning to identify very much with Michel Foucault who believed that asking ourselves what we "really are" in terms of sexuality is a trap and we should rather ask "what relationship, through sexuality, can we achieve?". Kinsey, btw, believed that homosexual was something to label acts and not people. The Kinsey scale is completely used out of context. Sorry. But I needed to get this off my chest. I don't hate bisexual people in any way, it's just... ugh.
Hey, I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. It can be very frustrating to feel attracted to something you don't even want to be a part of. I can't imagine how irritating that might be.
Thank you. It's a weird feeling that's hard to explain, but I've heard so many bi people express it. It's... annoying.
I think fluidity of attractions is a great way to describe that frustrating aspect of bisexuality. I know that in my case, I sometimes worry that I'm "becoming" straight or gay, or worse, that I was the whole time and that identifying as "bisexual" was just a way for me to hide from something deeper. Perhaps all we can hope for is to find somebody who is understanding of that. Here's to hoping for the best.
Ugh I sympathize with you. I'm so sorry. I'm currently identifying as bi but am in a "crisis" of wondering if I am gay. I'm racking my brain trying to think of attractions I've had towards men. There's not a lot but there have been some. Now it's 100% women. Being married with a child I'm terrified of the idea of ending my current life. I fear a couple years from now I would decide I'm attracted to men and I gave up my husband. I currently am in the "feeling dirty" phase being aroused by women everywhere when I always thought I was mostly straight. It's such a mind trip and I'm scared I'm just on the spectrum somewhere and when I'm bored I'll go back to being attracted to the opposite or same sex. I've got to think that wherever we are on the spectrum we can learn to fully accept that. When you know you are with the right person and you are happy there would be no wavering. I do wish I experimented before getting married so I wasn't in this extreme curiosity phase. If you ever do have a craving or curiosity to be with a man, I recommend being open to it.
Whether you are attracted to one gender or both, there's always the risk that your interest in your partner might wane over time. That they'll "stop doing it for you" in some aspect that will cause your eye to stray. If it's any reassurance for you, I've been with my partner for over 9 years and ever since meeting him, I've not had issues with wanting to stray... not with another man, or with a woman. And prior to him? I was very "equal opportunity" between genders, and bounced back and forth between them on a regular basis.
Thank you, I sympathise with you too. I also went through that "crisis" but now I'm going through another one, feeling attracted to lots of random men even though I never have before. The most it ever was was aesthetic attraction, like "nice hair"... The male body (other than genitals) never appealed to me much but now it seems like it does and it's confusing. Everyone looks at bisexuality and fluidity of attractions as this wonderful thing, like "you have unlimited options!" (uhm, no, you have way more options from the opposite sex, most people are straight, duh), and "you're so openminded!", but no, it's just hella annoying. It complicates my life unneccesarily. I identify so much with this guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/38em9q/i_hate_my_sexuality_wish_i_wasnt_bisexual_m/ I'm currently wondering (I'm a virgin, btw) if I just should go out and have sex with a woman and then have sex with a man and see if having sex with a man is something I "need" a little of from time to time when I'm in a relationship with a woman. I begin to sympathise a bit with the people who say bisexuals should pick a side, because I want to pick a side. If that makes sense...
I'm in the exact same situation you are right now. I mean, I could've written it down myself. It is indeed a hard situation to be in and I know it all too well. I know that no words I say will instantly change your mind at this point, but since I am going through this just like you, I can give some advice that might or might not help you. One of the things that have been helping me feeling more at peace with myself is to understand that our attractions aren't something we can control and it's not supposed to mean that we are hopeless trying to be gay, but that it is not our fault to be like this and it's not something to be guilty about. Pretty much like being born as a person of color or even being victim of a crime. It was not our fault and we don't need to feel bad for it. Another thing, just because we happen to be attracted to the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that we will stop feeling attracted to the same sex. That's what our heavily monosexual culture wants us to believe. It's normal to have a fluctuating sexuality and we need to recognize that it's not just because we are attracted to one gender that we will stop feeling this for the other one. It is a myth created by our society. A bisexual person can feel attraction towards more than one gender, not exactly at the same time and not exactly with the same intensity. Don't think about bisexuality as being a phase or the need to feel the same thing for every gender. Being bisexual is just the ability to feel sexual attractions towards more than one gender. Okay, I'm done for now and good luck to you. I know this is hard.
Molly The title "I hate being bisexual" represents your emotional inner state - at the time u created the thread … or perhaps it's a psychological state that u inhabit. Similar threads could be "I hate being gay" or "I hate being straight"! What would u think of someone who posted those threads, or how would u respond to them? "Bisexual" is just a label … it doesn't convey your essential nature. It's like saying a meal tasted "good" - it's meaningless! Relationship & sexuality are about people, not labels. I can only suggest that u try loving yourself. This is the key to healthy self esteem. There are many many reasons each of us can have for hating ourselves. However, loving ourselves embodies a much more appealing experience.
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I imagine it has shaken your world realizing and accepting your attraction towards men. I too have been angry and confused with my sudden attraction to women. If I wasn't married, I would just go on some dates and experiment with the same sex. I agree it is diffucult and confusing to have attraction to both sexes, and I don't think our have to choose one, though you may realize you have a preference. I do strongly recommend being as open as you can and not restricting yourself to a label. Try dating men, and if you don't like it then you may realize you just prefer women. Try things out while you are are single still This is coming from someone who feels quite trapped and unable to experiment as I didn't let myself back when I was single. Hang in there!
People do come to this sort of arrangement/understanding in their relationships and lives. They just don't broadcast it all over the world. Now finding such a thing, well I guess it's easier than it used to be, but still challenging. I totally hear you about the annoying "oh you have more options" reaction. Grrr.
Oh, I definately wouldn't broadcast it to the world. I'll not even say my sexual orientation to the world, I'll just say the name of my boyfriend or girlfriend.
