Hi, ever since 5th grade I've had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that I might be lesbian. I've had a crush on a guy before so that narrowed it down to bi. I'm still questioning it and I'm so confused and don't know what to do. Recently I've been feeling that butterfly feeling and nervousness that you usually get around your crush, but this is around my best friend who is also a girl. I'm panicking. HELP.
Hey welcome to EC. Take a deep breath it's going to be ok. What makes you doubt that you are bi? Have you had feelings like you have for your best friend for a girl before or is this the first time?
I've had the times where I'm out and a see a girl and think shes cute, but this is the first time I actually know the person. When I was little I was always friends with boys and only occasionally girls. I never liked that much "girly" stuff either like what a typical female toddler or kid liked. I always thought the boys were much cooler but at the same time I still liked some female activity's and I still hung out with some girls.
I think it comes down to whether or not you could see yourself with a boy and/or a girl. Ask yourself these questions. Could you see yourself kissing either a boy or a girl, or only one? Could you see yourself in a relationship with either, or only one? Questions like that may make the answer a little clearer for you. Also keep in mind that if you are indeed bi the attraction does not have to be evenly split. From what you have mentioned it is possible you could be bi and just have a stronger preference for girls.
Thank you guys so much. You guys have been a great help. Do you have any further advice on crushes or coming out? I'm still really confused.
Well coming out is completely up to you. You shouldn't feel like you have to but if you feel you want to then you should go for it. Coming out is very personal and the right way is different for everyone. Usually people will tell one or two close friends or family members to start with and work from there. Is there someone you have in mind to come out to?
I might not be the best person to tell you this cause I'm too chicken to tell my mother i'm gay but i suggest you tell a close friend first. Thats what i did, it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders because I deep down I knew she wouldnt judge me. Its nice to have someone you can be 100% honest with. As for when to come out, do it when you are ready. Theres no rush
There's no one I really have in mind. Before, I told my mom that I was having these thoughts and she said that I was too young to think about this stuff. Other than that, I don't have anyone else I could tell. I would tell my best friend, but she's the one that I have a crush on so....
Well you could still tell your best friend it doesn't mean you have to tell her you like her but if you don't want to then I understand.
Hi GPotato! I think that often "You're too young, not ready for this" often means "I [i.e Mom] am not ready for this." Ironically, you have to "bring up" your mom to understand. It is extra tough when your same-sex crush is also your best friend. As silverhalo said, you could just try telling her about yourself... it could lessen that bursting feeling. We don't want you to explode! Of course she already knows you like her. Just not that you Like her. It is a good rule of thumb that how you react to people you actually know says more about your orientation than how you react to strangers, celebrities, etc. Calling yourself bi is perfectly reasonable. If later you "drift" more to one side or the other it doesn't mean you were "wrong". Like BothWaysSecret said, looking inward and seeing who you would like to kiss, cuddle, make out with, all the way up to have a home and kids [yikes! just imagine them coming to you with these questions!] with, really does help a lot. Even if some of that seems way in the future. Finally, you are in the right place here. After some time snooping, er, browsing around other people's stories you will be an expert in gender issues and will start feeling like giving out advice yourself! One of the best things about EC is that it's not just "old" people (i.e. like me) mansplaining stuff. Teenagers are the best at sharing what it's like to be a teen.
Thank you guys so much for your advice, you guys have really helped me out. I'm still not exactly sure what to do, but I'm certain I'll figure it out! One again, thank you all so much for your help and I think it's time to change my profile to bi.
