Feeling like a complete disappointment to my family

It's understandable that you'd feel stressed in response to this. However, it's also a fairly normal thing in many social circles for parents to say to their children, so it's entirely possible they don't mean anything by it, for what it's worth.

Perhaps it's time to start considering coming out to them and establishing more accurate expectations for your future. You mention getting mixed signals from your mother - what does she say about the LGBT community? How about your dad?

 

I'm not sure where you got the "homophobic moms like gay celebrities" bit, but to be honest it doesn't make a lot of sense to me at least. It sounds like your parents have some positive experiences with gay people (celebrities, friends, and so on), so this isn't a complete unknown to them. That's a good start.

It's unfortunate that they use "gay" as a put down, but perhaps this is automatic and not something they necessarily think about. The next time they say it, you could try pointing out to them that they might make the wrong impression on people when they use the word that way.

Coming out, of course, is something that you need to do on your own time and your own schedule - but starting to feel the subject out and maybe prepare the way with smaller conversations like this could help it go better, and get you more comfortable bringing up LGBT topics with them.

 

Hey matt,

Your life is your own. It is understandable that you don't want to disappoint your parents, but, ultimately, what you do with your life, what line of work you go into and who you love are up to you. You have to make yourself happy first. And the main thing that most parents want for their children is for them to be happy in their lives - regardless of any hopes or dreams or expectations that they may have for their children.

I really think that you are making a mountain out of a molehill in terms of your parents' ability to love you if/when they find out that you are not straight, but, as Gravity said, if/when you Come Out to them is completely up to you.

In the meantime, if you want to deflect their attempts to set you up in a relationship with a girl, you could perhaps just tell them that you aren't really interested in relationships right now and want to focus on school or sports or hobbies or whatever other activities you prefer.

Just my thoughts.

 

Hey matt,

Of course it's a big deal to you. That's completely understandable. What I mean is that you won't know how they will really react until/unless you Come Out to them and stressing yourself about it in the meantime will only cause you a lot of needless anxiety whose only thread of reality exists in your own mind. Instead of getting yourself wound up about something that you can't be sure of in advance and can't actually control anyway, see if you can just focus on paying close attention to your parents' attitudes towards and comments about LGBTQ people and issues. As Gravity said, if you can find any way to introduce LGBTQ subjects to them - even indirectly - that may help you get a better handle on what to expect if/when you Come Out to them.

 

Hey you are not making a big deal out of it it's a big thing. I don't think any parent 'wants' their child to be gay but it doesn't mean they won't accept you, even if they use gay as a bit of a slur.
My parents are completely accepting of me but occasionally mainly in the past I feel like me being gay lets them down. In reality I don't think my parents think this but that it is in my head. Most parents want grandchildren and make comments about that but deep down most parents want their child to be happy they just don't comment on that as offen because it is just a given.