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Agender person coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lovelyish, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. Lovelyish

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi! My name is Ashtyn, and I identify as agender with they/them pronouns. My parents are super accepting of me being pan, and most of my friends already know. It's just difficult to be referred to by my dead name at home, and I've been considering coming out.

    The problem is that I'm so afraid. What if my parents tell me I'm just 'trying to be special' by identifying as agender? My mom loves my birth name - what if I offend her when I tell her I chose a different name? Besides, I'm 17, and I'll be at college next year. Part of me thinks it might not be worth it to come out. I do want to legally change my name once I turn 18, and I do want to enroll in college with my chosen name, but do my parents have to know about that?

    Plus, what if this isn't really who I am? How could I come back from this if it really is a phase, like some people have told me it is?

    Please help!!

    ~Ashtyn
     
  2. astriferous

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    Imo if you come out and then later decide you are actually something else, you should make them understand that phases aren't lest respectable just because you change. Even if this is a phase, this is how you feel right now, and that matters. If you waited until you were absolutely certain about everything to take action (not just in this, but in other choices), you would be waiting the rest of your life. If this makes you happy, then it makes you happy, imo.

    The fear of my parents telling me stuff like what you said is why I'm waiting until college to be remotely out, and only at that time will I consider telling them, tbh. right now I don't think it will be worth it for me in case they have a bad reaction. I'll also be at college next year so I'm in a pretty similar situation. I don't really have specific advice because I don't know your parents, but I think that the fact that they're ok with pansexuality might make them more likely to except being agender?

    I'm sorry I couldn't help more, and I hope everything works out!