Coming Out...Again. Need Advice.

Hey everyone,
Four years ago I came out to my extremely religious mother and abusive, alcoholic father (thread here: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...ut…and-now-im-desperate-to-go-back-in.352061/ ). Due to me being young and dependent on my parents, I allowed myself to be shoved back into the closet. Fast forward four years past a failed, heterosexual marriage, I'm in a healthy, happy relationship with my lovely girlfriend, I've been taking medication, and going to therapy regularly. I feel that it's a good time to come out because I'm not dependent on my parents any more. I'll be honest, I'm still petrified though. I wrote my mom a letter (I'll get to it in a bit) and need help decided whether to email it, mail it, or read it to her on the phone. Last time I came out (in case you don't want to read the hella long thread I posted) I emailed my mom a slideshow thing I put a lot of work into and she called me a coward and said a lot of other hurtful things which is hard since my mom is the only real parent I have. However, I'm not sure I can stand to call her and hear her cry. Bleah. Anyway, here's the letter:

Hi Mama,
As you know, I've been going to therapy regularly and taking mediation alongside that, which I am extremely grateful for you help. I've been feeling a lot better, and because of this, I want everything out in the open, which means having an honest relationship with you. I love you so much; taking to you always makes me feel better and I truly value the insight you have to offer. However, I haven't always felt that I can be true to myself around you and Dad because I fear that you'll blame yourself or view me as a completely different person even though I'm still me. I'm not trying to blindside you or take the coward's approach; I just don't know a better way to do this. By now, you've probably figured out that I'm trying to tell you that I'm gay. I haven't stopped being gay since I figured it out and told you and Dad the first time in 2014. It was all still pretty new to me back then (and sometimes, even four years later, anticipating how people will respond can be terrifying to me) and I wasn't prepared for how negatively you and Dad would take the news. Because of this, I decided to go "back into the closet" because I was scared of losing you and losing your love. Unfortunately, I feel that this choice I made enabled me to have only a partial, translucent relationship with you that has caused strain and heartache on both of our ends. I understand that this is hard for you to hear and that it's going stop be hard for you to process, understand, and come to terms with. At the same time, I need you to understand how difficult this is for me as well. I've been miserable, Mama. I've been keeping this from you because I love you, and now I'm telling you for the same reason. I desperately want to have an open, transparent relationship with you where I can tell you about everything going on in my life and I'm willing to put in the work required to do that. I'm willing to have ongoing and continuous discussions with you, whether it be about this or anything else. While I am okay and willing to have these conversations, I need to have boundaries for myself. In order to have productive, insightful, and honest conversations, I'm not okay with the following: you blaming yourself or others, being sent anti-gay articles, receiving harsh, critical, or disappointed comments about me being gay, and/or having the Bible or God brought up as a counter-arguement to my being gay. Me continuing to be honest with myself and others is helping me grow in a positive way; I feel lighter and happier than I have been in what feels like forever. I'm trying to build my way to a better future, and I really need my mama. I'm willing to talk, I'm willing to give you time, I'm willing to put in the work that will be required to restore our relationship. I love you mama.
Love,
Andi

Please tell me what you think.

 

Thank you!

 

<3 thank you that means a lot!

 

Thank you!