Gender roles in a same sex relationship

I'm currently single, but yes, when I was in a relationship we'd get asked that and it got on my nerves as well. Especially when people would tell me they perceived me as the male in the relationship, because that just made me very insecure. Before, I think it might have got on my nerves more(not saying it wouldn't now) because I was sort of conditioned to follow that mind set, but now if that were to happen to me I'd just be smartass and say "They're isn't a guy in the relationship, that's why it's a lesbian relationship!"

However, I do think a majority of the time, people take on certain roles in a relationship, and society is what gives those certain roles the label masculine or feminine, I do believe unless someone is a stereotype it actually has very little to do with how masculine or feminine a person is. I think it's a personality think 90% of the time, not "Well, she has a buzzcut" or "He paints his nails..."

 

Irritating though the question is, it's probably important to recognise that a lot of people have their entire framework for relationships based on traditionalist assumptions about gender.

The question is tiring, yes. But it's important to politely and reasonably state that there's nothing inherently gender-specific about a lot of the gender roles in heterosexual relationships and that's a positive dynamic in same-sex relationships when you can't just automatically fall back onto gender roles which disadvantage one partner (the 'woman').

A lot of the time with gay men it's code for finding out about your sex life, which is obviously enormously intrusive and should be called out as that.

 

Which chopstick is the spoon?

 

Spot on :roflmao:

 

You mean which one of us is dragging the other to musical theater shows, is the better dresser, sings incessantly, and loves to cook, and which one of us screams at the tv during sporting events, drives fast, and headbangs to hard rock? The answer to both of those is me, so your gender stereotypes don't really work on us. Oh, so you just want to know who gives it to who in the butt? Well why didn't you say so? Feel free to tell me all about your favorite sexual positions and I would be more than happy to return the favor!

This would be my long answer. The short answer is we are both the man and that's the point.

 

My parents are heterosexual, and yet my Mom would be considered the "man" in the relationship according to traditional gender roles. Sometimes she actually jokes that she is.

So it really makes no sense why people ask gay couples this question.

The other time they ask it is when they want to know who is penetrated anally in a male/male relationship. But even that doesn't make much sense as most gay men switch positions, and some don't do anal at all. Plus, it isn't even their business. It's like asking a straight couple if they prefer missionary or doggy style. It's rude.

 

My friends in the military used to joke about this all the time. They would usually compare it to prisoners where that is an aspect of who is dominant.

 

This is probably one of the most annoying things about being lgbtq (and there are a lot as we all know). I don't ever wear dresses or skirts while my girlfriend does, so everyone assumes I'm "the man". However, it's been a while so tings like that don't affect us as much anymore.

 

I think even heterosexual relationships should be more equal.

 

When I hang out with the girl I like, I always open doors for her and stuff like that. I think the only reason I act like "the guy" is because I'm older than her idk

 

Same dude even though i haven't been asked that question (yet).

Since society and most parents around the world still expects and assume the child being straight,
therefore many people think the genderroles rule apply to LGBT couples as well.

But in the west/USA and Europe they mostly just want to know who is dominant and
submissive during sex:eusa_doh:. Like it's there business how the lgbt couples sexlife is and
if you don't answer them, from time to time they decide it for the couple :bang:.

 

Yesterday i did remember this situation after just turning 18:

Me and my Bro friend where on a bench, him sitting normal while ruffleing my hair and
me leaning my back sideway against his upper arm,
whit my legs on the bench because i where laughing at his joke.

I then saw an older man staring at us (and a sublet glance at my crotch) and
his hole body facing us when i noticed him and i glared at him.
I'm pretty sure he would ask us the stupid "gender roles" question if i didn't glare so quickly.

 

I don't really mind it. I think it's just a way of asking who dows topically maculine things and who does typically feminine things. If it's neutral i'd just say so. Like if i had a boyfriend and i y'know did tough yard work, was the main breadwinner, and fixed broken shit idk lol i guess I'd be the "man" of the relationship. Not that my bf's work is less significant because it isnt its just different. Idk i just think of it as a way of asking who does what. I mean even a straight couple could be asked this and the female could have the male role and the male the female role. Idk doesn't bother me but i can see why it would bother others.

 

Lol my mom have the habit of always asking me the same when seeing a same sex couple.

She won't ask them directly but still its a odd thing to ask. Would you ask a stranger you never met about there sex life ? Nope

I mean its non of their business.

To answer the question : yes, yes it do get on my nerves

 

I'll just be like really Stereotypes rearing their ugly head again, I bet some really masculine straight men like crossdressing and guess what these silly stereotypes hurt those men. Like they don't really hurt me but you see stereotypes are really bad like just because I might like looking pretty with lotions and body washes, or I might even like to crossdress occasionally but that doesn't take away the fact I like games that feature sword and shield combat(far more brutal than gun games), I like some music that is typically masculine too but does that mean just because I like to crossdress occasionally that I am a woman, no I am slightly feminine but I am still a man and I have a manly boyfriend as well even if he does like to make dinner and watch RuPaul's Drag Race.
(Long answer)

Short Answer:
I am a man and I have a boyfriend who is also a man, does that mean one of us is a woman no, we are both male.