I'm 18, ready to go to university in another city in a year, and I'm dependent on my parents to help me pay for school. When I was 14, I told my immediate family that I was bisexual. My dad and my siblings took it really well, but my mom was really hung up on it. She questioned me for at least a couple hours, not being able to wrap her head around it, and then she just told me I should choose to love guys because it would be easier. She pretty much completely ignored it afterwards too, and continued to tell me she couldn’t wait for me to have a husband and kids. She also pretended I didn't exist for two weeks when I brought it up again with her a year later. Since then, I've come to realize and accept that I'm a lesbian, but I'm so afraid of telling her. I know she won't take it well and she's threatened to kick me out before, and I know she definitely won't help me with school if I tell her. I don't want to lie to my mom anymore, but I don't want to be abandoned either. What should I do???
It's pretty hard for family, especially for moms, to find out that their kid isn't just ordinary heterosexual. Most of people don't consider it as 'normal' and for moms who are emotionally most connected with their kid is just something like everything what they thought they know suddenly crashes and they're scared. It's just natural. I'm very sure that she loves you. And you have to let her know that 'this is just you'. Fuck away with these hetero, homo, bi or trans things. You is you, and you will be. You're no different from what you used to be. And she just need to know that you were born like this and this all is you. You liking boys and you liking girls... both of them is you. You should tell her again, I believe in you She just can't stop supporting you, you're her daughter and you didn't do anything wrong. You're just who you are. See? Nothing bad
You should never do anything that puts you in a position of instability - I came out initially about a year before going to university and the resulting mess left me with no support and shutting down for about 5 years whilst trying to pretend to be heterosexual. That said, if your dad took it well, its unlikely that you're going to lose your financial support if he is onboard, unless your mum is solely controlling of family finances. Perhaps speak to just your dad about it in private, and voice your worries about your mum - you could even ask him to just pass the message or any supporting info along so you could feel that she knew but without you having to say. That way it is on her to get in touch about it. Hope you get it sorted
