I don't think I will ever be completely sure about my sexual orientation, and I am trying to be ok with that. I also feel like my orientation has fluctuated over the years. When I was younger, I think I was mostly attracted to men, but right now I feel mostly, but not exclusively, attracted to women. I am in a long term relationship with a man and we have a child. Since I started realizing I am not straight and telling him about it, things have been rough, but it has gotten better, and now I think we are doing pretty good. Sex is great and he is my best friend. I think we make a great parenting team. But since I have never been with a woman and I am not sure about my orientation, I am worried that our relationship will not last and I need to stop wasting our time. I don't know if I will ever feel like I need a relationship with a woman to be complete. That's not how I feel now, but what if it changes? And can I even be sure how I feel now when I have been so clueless for so long, repressing and denying my same sex attractions? I WANT to stay, most of the time I feel fulfilled by our relationship, and the thought of having another child with him - which he thinks we are ready for - makes me incredibly happy. I want to see his face when he holds our new baby for the first time, I want him to hold my hand when I birth, I want our child to have siblings. I don't want to bring another child into a relationship that might not last, but at the same time I don't want to end a relationship I am happy about based on fear about the future. I want to get on with our lives and just be with him and be happy and content like before. But is that even possible, and how do I get there?
If you're happy now and feel like things are going great, you're not wasting your time even if you ever feel like you need to separate from your husband in the future. Lots of (if not everything) things come to an end and that doesn't mean that they all were bad or pointless. Try to look at it from another perspective - if you do break up with your husband based on the fact that it "might not last in the future", would it make you happier? Why waste a good relationship only because you're worried about what COULD happen? Also, there are no perfect relationships. Let's say you break up and you find a woman you want to be with, I'm fairly certain you'll still doubt the relationship from time to time because that's how (most) humans work. It's not dangerous to doubt and question and it does not mean that there is necessarily something wrong, it could just mean that you're curious about your alternatives. And it seems to me that you've thought about the alternatives and yet you are satisfied with your husband, for now. Maybe you won't be tomorrow, but that's not a problem you have to deal with at the moment because it has not happened yet. I am also a worried/doubting kind of person and one thing that has helped me is mindfulness. Maybe you should read a bit into it? It helps you being more present and deal with all the "what ifs". It seems like you think too much about the future, creating scenarios that have not and possibly will never happen. To be rough we all might die next month so thinking about whether you will stay attracted to your husband next year (for example) is pretty pointless when you think about it!
Have you met with a sexuality trained therapist? If not, have you considered doing so? The question hour answering is such a complicate one and really depends on each persons specific situation and circumstances.
It sounds like u have a great relationships w your partner - that's not all that common, & is to be highly valued & maintained … as it sounds like you're doing. Have u told your partner about wanting to be w a woman? I suggest looking around for a woman u can get close to, & seeing if u like it, as it sounds like u don't have a lot of experience w another woman. Couldn't u be close to a woman, & maintain the relationship u have? I notice u do a lot of projecting & future tripping …like when u say "what if it changes?" It sounds so sweet that both of u want to have another child, but again are worried about the future. We can't tell what's going to happen in the future … that's the magic of life. All we can do is to be real we n the present, & the future will take care of itself.
From your post, you seem happy in your current relationship, and based on that it doesn't make any sense to leave just because of something that might happen in the future. Say you do leave and your feelings towards women never become any stronger. Would you regret having left? Do you feel that anything is missing from your relationship? Is it the potential impact on your husband and children that's stopping you feel content? For every couple that has a child, their relationship could end years in the future. Only you can know how happy you really are at the moment.
Thank you all for responding. I agree that worrying about the future and trying to anticipate every obstacle on the way is NOT a good idea. Before having our first child, I was happy being "sort of bisexual" and didn't think it was a big deal. But having a baby made me worry a lot about the future, because it seems so scary that another person is affected so much by our relationship, and I feel the need to be absolutely sure. Over time, I started feeling better, but the though of having a second child - even though I want to - makes all the fear and anxiety return. I am in therapy trying to figure out what it means, but I was I could feel more certain that I am making the right decision
I think you may find a level of solace if you were to form a deep emotional relationship with another like minded female.
Do you mean a platonic friendship or a romantic relationship? Opening up our marriage is not an option, because that would make my husband miserable, and I respect that. I have LGBT friends, but I haven't really been open about my sexuality with anyone except my husband. I know it would probably be a good idea. I am not ashamed of my attractions anymore, but I am ashamed of having been so clueless when thinking I was straight
You'll will have to decide which may best fit into your relationship plans with your husband and yes, you can have a romantic platonic relationship with a same sex interest without having it become sexual. Women seem more adept and comfortable with these types of relationships as well in my opinion.
