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Thinking about coming out to my best friends this weekend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Luka99, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. Luka99

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    So... As a way to celebrate all 5 of us graduated highschool we are going away this weekend, fri - monday.
    As I've pretty much made up my mind that I am indeed gay I was thinking about maybe telling them this weekend. I kind of really want them to know, to not have it be a secret to everyone anymore, but at the same time I'm also very nervous.
    I'm almost 100% sure they will be okay with it but my mind is still capable of coming up with a lot of disaster scenarios. And what if they have questions I can't answer, like about my family and the depression I've been having pretty much since january.
    My mother / family can not find out, atleast untill I finally move out this august, but I don't really see a way how they would find out since they don't have contact with my friends or their parents.
    So I was of course thinking about how to tell them (still dont know) and when.. Right away at friday, but what if that will make the rest of the weekend akward? Or wait till sunday but then I will be jumpy and nervous all weekend.
    I wonder if I won't just chicken out after all, hah, I'm getting nervous again just thinking about this.
    Anyway... don't know if anyone has words of advice but atleast it feels good to get it off my chest even if it's online to strangers. :slight_smile:
     
  2. i am just me

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    Hi Luka,
    I think a weekend trip is a good opportunity to come out to your friends, if you feel like you want them to know and think that they will be supportive. My first coming-outs were actually on similar weekend-visits to some close friends. There is enough time to not just "drop the bomb" out of nowhere and the whole atmosphere is less hectic than in daily life.
    About how to tell them: Maybe try initiating a conversation about relationships or lgbtq+ issues and then bring up your own sexuality. Or start by saying that you've been thinking about something a lot lately and they will probably ask what it is.
    If they ask you about your family, I think it's best to tell your friends that you don't want your parents to know yet. If they are your good friends and you can trust them, that should be fine.

    I wish you all the best with coming out and hope that everything will go well!
     
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  3. Luka99

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  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey Luka,

    I agree with i am just me's advice. Over a weekend trip, there will almost certainly be opportunities to slide your Coming Out into the conversation without making a big deal of it. If people start talking about celebrities or famous people that they admire (or you start such a conversation), you might mention a gay idol of yours and say something like "yeah, I really admire *name of celeb*, not least because he's gay like me and isn't afraid to be Out publicly."

    Also, keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to Come Out to all of your friends at exactly the same time. You have all weekend and various opportunities to Come Out may simply present themselves when only one or a couple of your friends are present.

    I wish you all the best!

    Stay strong!:slight_smile:
     
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  5. Luka99

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    I suppose what I fear more then a negative reply (atleast you know what you are dealing with then) is a non reply.
    This way I'm sort of forcing them to atleast say something, but like the other day I told someone I know from another site about this and she hasn't read the link I sended and ignored my message all together, when I've seen her talking to other people online. Wow, that sucks.
     
    #5 Luka99, Jun 28, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2017
  6. Quantumreality

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    Hey Luka,

    One of the main aspects of Coming Out to someone/anyone is that we can never know in advance how they will react. We can do a little 'research' by perhaps bringing up LGBTQ issues/people in the news or such, but that might only give us a slight indicator. It is a very different prospect for some people to have an image in their heads of LGBTQ people (that they mainly get through hearsay from the heteronormative culture we live in) compared to actually being confronted by someone that they know and like who tells them that they are a member of the LGBTQ community. So, of course we play the worst-case scenarios in our heads over and over again.

    In terms of a non-reaction, that can go either way. Either the person is surprised and really needs time to process the fact that you are Gay or they can't/won't/don't accept it - in which case, they probably are no longer your friend.

    The reality is that you just have to Come Out to people to get their reactions. And remember that anyone who reacts negatively/ignorantly may not be someone that you want around you in the longrun nor someone you really can ever again consider a friend. But, for any losses of friends that you may incur, you will make new, accepting friends once you are Out.

    My 2cents.
     
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  7. i am just me

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    As you're from Germany, marriage equality probably will be the easiest conversation starter this weekend :slight_smile: if you want to check their reactions in advance it's also a good topic to test the waters.
     
  8. Luka99

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    I'm from The Netherlands! But thanks, hah!

    It went well, actually. Very well. Also one friend came out as bisexual in the same conversation.
    So hah, I'm glad I made it easier for him to come out too. So yay!
     
  9. Quantumreality

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    Hey Luka99,

    Congratulations!:thumbsup:That's wonderful!:slight_smile: I'm SO glad that things went so well for you!

    And, yep, it's not unusual for other people to Come Out to you in return. We (LGBTQ people) may be a minority, but we certainly aren't so scarce out there that most of us don't know at least one or two other LGBTQ person, whether we know it or not....

    Drive on Luka99!
     
    #9 Quantumreality, Jul 3, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
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  10. Totesgaybrah

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    Congratulations Luka! When I came out one of my friends came out as bi too.
     
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  11. Quantumreality

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    And, yeah, as Totesgaybrah said, one of my close friends also Came Out to me as Bi (after some time) because he wanted to me to know that I was not alone and that he related to me. Which I TOTALLY appreciated, especially because I am only one of a mere handful of people that he has chosen to Come Out to!

     
    #11 Quantumreality, Jul 3, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
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  12. i am just me

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    That's amazing! Congrats! I'm really happy for you that it went well :slight_smile:
     
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  13. Luka99

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    Thanks!!!! :slight_smile:
    Eventually I'd like to be able to just say yes if someone asks or if it comes up in the conversation (like if someone automatically assumes i'm into girls and I can just correct them) and I want people at work to know and my older sister.
    But that may be in a few months after I move out or next year or never. Who knows hah
     
  14. Luka99

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    Also what's the difference in out status between 'some people' and a 'few people'?