Coming out to strict muslim parents, now i'm forced to go to conversion therapy. Help.

After weeks of contemplating and reading other's story about coming out, i finally come out to first my mom and then my dad. At first my mom kind of accept me, but then after i told my dad (in front of her), she cry like really big cry, and then she asked me to go to conversion therapy. I'M LEGIT SCARED. I've read story about people who went to conversion therapy, about how abusive it is.

And i should probably tell you, i'm clinically depressed and suicidal for at least a year. And social anxiety since my childhood. I'm currently visiting psychiatrist and only talk about my depression and anxiety.

My idea is to take my mom see my psychiatrist and make my doctor to tell my mom that there is nothing wrong with me, that homosexuality is not a sickness/mental disorder. BUT i'm living in Indonesia where even IPA (Indonesian Psychiatrist Organization) currently treat homosexual as a mental disorder. As far as i know, APA already denounce IPA decision.

And i've already tried to present both my parents with facts, and they always says "but that is not what is written on quran, god make us as a pair, man and woman" and then i told them that i'm skeptical about quran, because in quran, homosexual person is punishable by death (and islamic country still practice this kind of sentence). I've tried, i cried, i told them how i accept them as they are (my family and childhood is far from perfect) and me being like this is not their faults, i was born this way. I even lied and use quran to support me like "god made us human perfect, there is no way he can slip-out and made an imperfect human like me" something like that.

I'm really scared. I want to convinced them that conversion therapy is dangerous. that being homosexual is normal. that i just want to live my life being happy, no more self-hatred, no more lies, no more feeling that i'm not worth being loved.

Funny thing is, at first my dad thought that i'm asexual (because i told him that i don't like girls), but then i told him that i like boys. And then my dad said that "I'm fine if you were not interested in girls, but if you attracted to guys then you need to be fixed". I really love my parents, and this is the reason that i come out to them. But knowing that both of my parents cannot accept me for who i am, it really hurts. I feel more hurt after coming out rather than before, because before i come out i always thought and imagine that they will accept me for who i am.

Any help and advice is deeply appreciated, thank you!

 

I am not fully aware of the options that are available to you, but to start off, yes, conversion therapy is horrible. The following advice I will give should only be followed if you think it'll help the situation, because I don't know your parents and how they will respond to certain things.

I think that you should tell them some of the things you said in here. How scared you are, how hurt you are to not have them stand by you, and how much this has been affecting you. No matter how they feel about your sexuality, they shouldn't want you to be suffering and feel alone and scared in this world. I think it may also be helpful if you were to talk to them about what conversion therapy is really like, and how science has proven that it does not work. Someone's sexuality can't change, and all conversion therapy does is make people more depressed and hate themselves.

Once again, please only take my advice if you think it won't make anything worse or put you in danger. Hang in there and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Don't give in just yet, and feel free to message me if you want to talk more or if you have more questions/if what I said won't help.

 

Hi! This is a horrible situation... I'm sorry you have to go throught this... dyl pickle gave you good advices. However, if that doesn't work and you can't escape conversion therapy, I suggest you go to conversion therapy and that after a plausible amount of time you pretend to slowly start liking girls, as if you were snapping out of a phase, and you go back in the closet. It's a shame, but in your situation it's better to stay in the closet until your parents don't have that kind of control on you anymore. By faking it, it might make the therapy shorter, and you'll get a lot less psychological trauma from it than if you keep telling them you are gay...

 

Is there any gay charities you can go to who can help you.

 

Thank you for your advice! I already told my mom how i feel after she forced me to go to conversion therapy and frankly i think she understand a little bit. After a lot of crying and hugging, she told me that if after i see a therapist and i still "felt gay", she is fine with it. But she and i will keep this a secret between us and won't tell my dad because he is a religious fanatics.

As i write before, if nothing change after i see a therapist (and i'm pretty sure it won't change anything) i'm kinda going back to a closet but this time my mom know that i'm gay and she will be fine with it. At least now i have emotional support from my mom.

Hmm not that i know of. i think there is a few LGBT+ organization here in Indonesia but they mostly work on legal cases or spreading awareness or something.

Again, thank you all. I feel less alone after reading all of this replies :')

 

I'm sorry it went like this but I'm glad your mom is supportive of you atleast (as she should). Take care man!

 

I'm really glad that you have your mom to support you, I hope you stay safe and happy

 

Hi, wivderk!
May I know if you ended up seeing a therapist selected by your parents?
You can try to contact SCRG UI for a LGBT-friendly counselling, it is run by UI students, lecturers, and alumni. I have to say that I don't really have much faith in trying to open your dad's mind with fact-based argument. My parents, especially my mom, are very religious and everytime I challenge their ideas with facts and logical arguments, they will change the subject or shut down the discussion early which is one of the reasons why I have not come out to them.

PM me if you need to chat more.

 

Provide your mother with the facts about conversion therapy. It is a form of child abuse and can exacerbate depression and thoughts of suicide. Leah Alcorn was a transgender teenager whose parents forced conversion therapy and taken to Christian therapists on the premise that her gender identity was 'wrong' and went against religios beliefs. My concern is that this therapy will only interfere with what you are achieving with your psychiatrist and undermine the results of your progress.

http://time.com/3655718/leelah-alcorn-suicide-transgender-therapy/

Here in Ontario (Canada), conversion therapy was banned several years ago, since we recognize that not only is it expensive and ineffective, it has also been linked to suicide in a population that is already at greater risk.
http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/canada/...ineffective-and-harmful-critics-say-1.3101838

In the US, more and more states are banning conversion therapy and medical professionals and organizations continue to speak out to have it banned across the country.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/07/states-outlawing-conversion-therapy/533121/

The reality is that homosexuality is in all faiths and cultures. It does not discriminate based on religion, nor can a belief in god or allah cure it. Therapy should help you accept yourself, not destry who you are. Your parents need to be educated, and if they won't listen to you, then have them speak to a professional that can show them the harm of what they are forcing upon you. Conversion therapy is abuse, and it is dangerous.