Looking back on 4 years on EC

I'm not sure how to find out my exact join date on the new system, but I seem to recall it was around the end of June, 2013, so it's my anniversary!

Back then, I had just gone through a number of major changes in my life - turned 50, lost my dad after a 25-year illness, lost weight, had surgery on a problem that had no symptoms, but found out could have killed me in seconds. Suddenly my brain had a little room to move, and I realized how very unhappy my marriage was, and how much I really needed to get out of it, for the sake of my own sanity. Which led to the conclusion that either before or after the marriage ended, I might as well also be honest and face something I had chosen to ignore for many years - that I was gay.

Since then, life has changed rapidly. I came out to my wife Labor Day weekend 2013; it was ugly but I planned to stay with the family until our youngest was out of high school (she graduates in June 2019). But as a dear cousin of mine says, we plan, and God laughs. A few month later, I struck a friendly conversation with a guy online who was deciding how to handle telling HIS wife he was gay. We met in person a few months later and realized instantly that something extraordinary had just happened.

My plans changed, and my wife and I separated 2 years ago, and I moved in with him shortly after. My family knows, and range from reluctant acceptance to great enthusiasm. My co-workers were among the first people I told, and our company just started using Yammer, and I was the second person to join the LGBT and Allies group (and posted my story for the world to see). My now ex-wife is seeing someone and seems as happy as she ever allows herself to be, and my daughters consider my partner their stepfather, and adore him. I'm broke and living in a little apartment with my guy, but we're both happy and love each other very much.

I am very much a "rule follower" and not a rebel or someone who constantly feels the need to be at the forefront of anything. Coming out initially made me feel much more visible and vulnerable than I've felt in years, but that's long gone. Now it's just part of who I am, and realistically, I haven't changed much! For all you out there who are trying to decide what to do, I can tell you that having a plan is great, but be prepared to change it on the fly because life doesn't follow plans. Be confident and do what you think is right, as opposed to just what is right for you, and you can get through this with your integrity intact and you can maintain the respect of at least some of the people who matter to you the most. I have been surprised by the people who have been far more accepting than I ever imagined, and have NOT been particularly surprised at who has rejected me. That's life. And yes, it's been a challenge, but it's been worth it. If you find yourself going through hell - keep going. Suddenly you will find yourself looking back on the challenges you have faced and you'll feel proud that you found your way through them. So keep going, and be proud!