1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What are the signs of being Demi-sexual/Demi romantic

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm curious what the aigns are for being Demi-axual and Demiromantic (Or Aromantic) Are.

    I'm confused about my sexuality, but, instead of talking about it like ive done before.. i'd rather read what people interperet the signs of it to be.

    i may post afterwarda woth my experiences and then ask for an opinion... i guess.
     
    #1 RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017
  2. Creativemind

    Creativemind
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm technically demisexual and demiromantic, but I just identify as a lesbian...It's easier for me since a lot of people don't use those terms and they also don't describe my gender preference.

    For me:
    - Never having any celeb crushes or attractions to random strangers.
    - Not being able to relate when other straight/gay people talk about who's hot and who isn't.
    - Never fully clicking on a first date until you get to know them more, sometimes uncomfortable with fast affection.
    - Falling for your best friend of 5+ years and being confused because you never thought that way about them before.
    - Feeling asexual compared to your straight/gay/bi friends, but feeling sexual compared to your ace friends.
     
    #2 Creativemind, Jun 28, 2017
  3. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I kinda line up with alot of those. Especially woth the whole "Who's hot and who's not" And the not having attraction to celebrities and strangers.

    The last one as well, as i have an ace friend but they...
    EDIT:
    Sorry my phone glitched and posted!

    They like... act way different from how i do but when people talk about having relationships woth random people they barely knew for long.. i dont understand it. I feel like im not attracted to anyone but then my ace friend... i feel like i sorta am?
    But i guesa my past experiences were me forcing myawlf to beleive i was a straight cis male?

    Well thank you,for sorta helping me out on figuring some things out.
     
    #3 RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2017
  4. Humbly Me

    Humbly Me
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    311
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Lack of attraction to those outside your social circles or whom you do not contact in daily life.
     
    #4 Humbly Me, Jun 28, 2017
  5. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If you consider this dwfinition,then i'm definitely a demi-sexual or demi-romantic
     
    #5 RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017
  6. Humbly Me

    Humbly Me
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    311
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Then you are. Though it is kind of pointless to bother defining yourself as demi-romantic because it doesn't really say anything other than that you need to be around someone and get to know them before you want more.
     
    #6 Humbly Me, Jun 28, 2017
  7. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well i'm one who likes to mix labels as well in order to show preference.
    Sp like for example, lets say a male is a demi sexual woth a preference for males
    Demi-homosexual
    Even if it doesnt make alot of ,i heleove mixing labels is a good thing.
     
    #7 RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017
  8. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Oh gosh the typos... I need to fix my phone' keyboard somehow.
     
    #8 RoseChan00, Jun 28, 2017
  9. Nightdream

    Nightdream
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2014
    Messages:
    401
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I identify as demisexual towards the same sex. That's because I don't/rarely experience celebrity crushes, I can't talk about how hot females are and I just can't imagine having sex to a complete female stranger. The only moments that I expressed same sex attraction was when I falled in love to girls, but I don't use this label too much because I often get hipnotized by some women's beauty.

    With demiromanticism, I believe that they're very close to an aro. They probably won't experience the desire to do romantic things to their sexual partners (holding hands, giving romantic gifts) or acknowledging them as being romantic partners unless they know each other for a very long time.
     
    #9 Nightdream, Jun 28, 2017
  10. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Demisexuality is simply not having attraction to someone until you get to know them.

    This describes a very large portion of the population

    Ergo, demisexuality is simply within the normal ordinary spectrum of homo or heterosexuality. No special labels needed.

    Additionally, there's no credible evidence to support the idea that there is a separation between romantic and sexual orientation. WhT people describe as 'romantic non sexual attraction' has another name that has been used for millennia. It's called 'emotionally intimate friendship'. The majority or people that trot out the. ____romantic label aeem to typically be people who are still in the 'bargaining' phase of the coming out process.

    Of course anyone can use any label they want if it suits them. And if we are seeking labels that others will be able to understand, using the simplest, most widely used labels facilitates better communication. Of course if the goal is to stand out and be special... That's a different issue and also a value people are certainly entitled to hold.
     
    #10 Chip, Jun 28, 2017
    Secrets5 and RoseChan00 like this.
  11. RoseChan00

    RoseChan00
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Home: Mississippi
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've already come out as transgender. I'm just wanting to fofure out my sexuality. I may "technically" be gay right now as i havent transitioned... or i may just be completely and wholey demisexual or... anythimg really. I have no true reference points to use other than some experiences which were under less than favorabke conditions.
    In other words i dont even think i CAN fifure out my sexuality until i transition. But thank you, Chip. Now you've given me something to research more into as you said "Bargaining"phase.
     
    #11 RoseChan00, Jun 29, 2017
  12. GeneGenie

    GeneGenie
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Mars
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If you wanted to have another response, here's mine.

    I identified as Demi sexual for years until very recently, though most people thought I was gay (since I liked girls and had to present as female). However, I had never felt sexual with my 5 total crushes. There were two who I had wanted (and didn't) kiss/hold hands, but the other three I only wanted a deeper relationship with, more than best friends, with being able to call them my girlfriend, but without any of the sexual stuff. Though the last I had only know a few months before crushing on, I had been friends with my other crushes for years before developing romantic feelings for them.

    Sex absolutely disgusts me, and has nearly my entire life. I have been felt up by two people and kissed by one other, but there was no spark. There was nothing. If I watch a movie, (examples being Rocky Horror and Watchmen) I cannot stand to watch the sexy scenes, even if it's just implied. It's too awkward for me. Whenever I see any of my friends getting friendly with each other, I get rather envious or disgusted. Though that isn't a feeling that I have ever wanted, which is why I've more recently thought I am probably asexual and demiromantic, I feel as though I am looking in it from the outside, trying to understand what it's like to have sexual feelings toward another person.
     
    #12 GeneGenie, Jun 30, 2017
  13. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    From everything we currently know, we aren't hardwired to be disgusted or revolted by sexual acts, so that's pretty much always a learned behavior. Typically, this sort of experience is indicative some sort of trauma (childhood sexual abuse, sometimes not in conscious memory, being the most common). People who are asexual simply have no interest; it doesn't disgust them, it just doesn't interest them in the slightest. Since demisexuality is simply a label for a subset of the normal spectrum of human sexual experience, the same would apply to that.

    If this is something that concerns you, it could be worth exploring with a therapist who has extensive experience with sexual dysfunction issues.
     
    #13 Chip, Jul 1, 2017
  14. GeneGenie

    GeneGenie
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Mars
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ok. So I'm probably just really far out there, and don't really fit anywhere. Awesome.

    One of these days, I'll figure it out.
     
    #14 GeneGenie, Jul 1, 2017
  15. Cody18

    Cody18
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2017
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    41
    Location:
    England, UK
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi, just thought I'd offer my opinion as in my experience (from listening to asexual people) there are 3 different categorisations of asexual individuals.

    1. Sex positive asexuals (they don't experience sexual attraction but still desire a sexual relationship)
    2. Sex neutral or indifferent asexuals (they don't experience sexual attraction and aren't bothered if they do or don't have it)
    3. Sex repulsed asexuals (like the other two, does not experience sexual attraction, and has no desire whatsoever to engage in a sexual relationship)

    From your description perhaps you're just a sex repulsed asexual? Asexuality is simply not experiencing sexual attraction, how that effects you personally is your own business and perfectly okay.
     
    #15 Cody18, Jul 1, 2017
  16. GeneGenie

    GeneGenie
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Mars
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you for those kind words. I've felt like I'm probably a sexually repulsed asexual and it's great to hear it from another person in such a nice way.
     
    #16 GeneGenie, Jul 1, 2017
  17. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    GeneGenie,

    My intent wasn't to make you feel "far out there"... it was to point out that what you are experiencing is likely behavioral, as a result of some sort of experience in your past. The important issue here is that something that is behavioral can be changed (if you seek to do so) with therapy and attention to it, while something that is hardwired cannot.

    This is as an example and not directed specifically at you, but when we take an individual who has been sexually molested in early childhood, that person is going to have very confused, uncomfortable, and scattered perceptions about sexuality. It may seem some combination of extremely unsafe; grotesque and revolting; painful or scary, even violent... and yet there may be also some uncomfortable conflict because in some way the experience(s) may have triggered pleasant physical sensations. This can create immense confusion... or it can simply register as strong revulsion and desire for avoidance. But none of that is hardwired; it is a conditioned response that can be addressed and resolved, so that the individual can experience what is, for about 95% of the population, an important and positive aspect of life.

    The so-called "3 types of asexuals" information, which I've run across before, isn't supported *anywhere* in the credible research in the field that I've been able to find, simply because the decades of research we do have differentiates between hardwired and unchangeable traits, and behavioral ones. The "3 types" muddies the two (something that, unfortunately, is a hallmark of most of the crowdsourced and unscientific information spread by "the asexual community"), and mixes up unchangeable hardwiring with conditioned behavior, and does an enormous disservice to people who assume that they have a condition they're stuck with and cannot change... when the majority of them are dealing with a learned behavior that could be resolved.

    The key here both for you and for the OP, is what you want, whether it makes you happy, and whether there is any desire to change it. If everything is working for you in your life in that regard, then there's no reason to address the issue (unless you like the idea that things could potentially be better than they currently are.) If there are aspects of your life that aren't working optimally, then it's worth exploring what is possible.

    To be clear... my goal isn't to get anyone to adopt any agenda or make any particular change, only to have accurate information to base whatever decisions they want to make for themselves.
     
    #17 Chip, Jul 2, 2017
  18. Creativemind

    Creativemind
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    On topic of the three types of asexuals:

    I have -never- understood sex positive asexuals. Sexual attraction literally means "desires to have sex with". Sexual attraction does NOT mean "finds hot or sexy". Straight women find other women hot all the time, but they aren't sexually attracted to women by definition of "does not want to have sex with a woman". You can also feel sexual attraction to someone you find to be physically ugly or repulsive, because by definition, you still desire sex with them. That's what sexual attraction means.

    I don't really find other women to be that hot in the way most heterosexual men describe them to be, but I am sexually attracted to them, and am a homosexual, by definition, because I still want to sex them. Likewise, being homosexual, I have no desire to have sexual relationships with men...ever. If I did, I'd be a bisexual. Since that's what sexual attraction is.

    I think some asexuals think that real sexuals base our sex lives off lust and casual sex only, when most of us don't. Pretty damn bizarre.
     
    #18 Creativemind, Jul 2, 2017
    GeneGenie and Chip like this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)