The "I don't like labels" phenomenon

Honestly, I think the LGBT community can be terrible about this on both sides.

I know people who considered themselves gay but fell in love with an opposite sex person, and now are attacked for bringing a bad name to gay people. No one ever says this about bisexuals that become exclusively same-sex attracted, so It almost feels like a sort of anti-straight attitude.

If sexuality changes, you can change the label or stay unlabeled, and that should not be a terrible thing. I started off as a Christian and later turned into an atheist. Even though that's not the same thing, I don't see why I am hurting or attacking Christians for "changing".

 

The thing about these labels is that they serve two major purposes; First to allow self awareness and sense of belonging and secondly to inform others about ourselves and possible relationships/interactions with them.

The first point shouldn't be a big issue if you are comfortable not labelling yourself. Not labelling yourself based on sexuality can be just as empowering as the alternative.

The problem however is that most other people will likely be uncomfortable with you if you can't provide labels. It's just in our nature to be mistrusting of those that claim not to know about themselves, something that we have such confidence in ourselves. Perhaps it's because there is an unfortunate instinct to suspect that the person in question is being evasive or deceptive. Added to the mix is the point you made about the rejection from with the LGBT community. Opting not to use a label can be interpreted as an insult to the efforts and sacrifices made by some in the community and so it is a sensitive issue, much deeper than just the 'bad PR' element.

So in summary, it's completely fine to avoid labels if it feels comfortable but it will likely cause problems when interacting with others and in relationships. This is only my opinion based on personal experience and maybe things are changing now as people are becoming more socially liberal but I think it will tale a long time until this sort of thing doesn't matter at all.

 

Had this discussion after a Quaker meeting recently over the labels "atheist" and "non-theist". Labels only say so much, and often only partially describe you. I could love anyone regardless of gender, but I tend to love women/femininity more. Yet my label could cause somebody to believe I like men and women equally, but it's not quite true.

There are too many variables in human sexuality and romantic affairs for constructed (and easily remembered!) labels to contain. I can't really go around coming out as a "pansexual-female-preference-mostly-romantic-osexual". Saying I;m bi is easier.

But, while labels can be restrictive, they are simpler in many cases. It's easier to say that I'm an atheist than a "agnostic-skeptic-practical-atheist-with-a-select-few-spiritual-views". But make labels work for you. They help people recognize you better - and that's all. If you feel better without a label, give them up. Do it!

Peace

 

I tend to disregard sexuality labels for myself these days and just go with queer or ace. I'm letting myself breathe for a bit, just to see what sorts of people I naturally notice and for what reasons. Maybe one day I will commit to a label but for now I don't see the rush.

Either way it is up to you. My advice would just be to try and not overcomplicate it.

 

if someones comfortable with labels then good on them, and the same if they dont like them. we forget as a community that we all just wanna feel comfortable in our own identities, whether we use labels for them or not. sometimes people find comfort in labels, sometimes people dont. depends on the individual.

 

I think a lot of times labels cause more trouble than they're worth. I'm fine with the more simple ones (such as gay or trans), but sometimes it seems like there are labels for things that just don't matter or that they cannot describe. For example, I do not like personality type labels. And then, it bugs me also how there are little kids on tumblr mutilating our validity with things like "rootgender" and "polysexual." :/

 

I used to be big into using labels to describe myself, but I eventually realized that it's not exactly the best way to describe who or what you are, or how you think because our brains have the tendency to unconsciously notice patterns (even when there aren't any) out of randomness and assign hidden presumptions, or connotations to those labels based on the limited experiences, or stories we have heard with people who use the same label, so I just find it easier to say that I can like anyone rather than to say that I'm bisexual because that has a less likely chance for people to misunderstand what I'm saying, and who I like. That's not to say I think that people do this maliciously as we are all susceptible to this sort of thing, (rather it be major or minor depending on how often you question yourself and your potential biases) but I definitely think that labels are a shorthand, and not a substitute for the full description.

 

A pet theory of mine: perhaps those without labels are less involved in the overall LGBT community? That, or they're not entirely out to themselves, let alone others. Sort of like sexuality or gender aren't priorities for them right now.

It does seem like there's a "tribal" aspect to it, too. No one questions that there are gay male and lesbian communities, and saying "I identify the same way as you" is a way to connect with others. Without labels, some aren't sure what to do with you, or how to categorize. Sometimes it turns into hostility!

Personally, I think the label should fit you, and not the other way around