1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Things Still Have Not Changed *Looks at Chip*

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by PyrettaBlaze, Jun 27, 2017.

  1. PyrettaBlaze

    PyrettaBlaze Guest

    Please refer to my old thread "Back here again... *Needs Chips Advice*

    For the past five years I have been trying to figure out whether I am bisexual or not. When I go out in public both genders can and have caught my eye. Sometimes it's more men, sometimes more women and sometimes it appears equal. Now we're talking aesthetic attraction here.

    Regarding sexually I only seem to respond in full to women. I have tried thinking about men and watching some homoerotic videos to only achieving a semi almost chub like erection, which even then is not what most would even consider arousal I guess and even then it is very hard for me to get aroused that much. I don't seem to have this problem with straight videos or thinking about certain women I know. It's the aesthetic part that confuses me. With the amount of men I see as attractive it seems unlikely I could be straight. I've noticed a pattern. I'll try to think of men and end up thinking about my wife or another woman I have a crush on and quickly switch back to men to see if I can maintain the momentum and arousal and I start to go soft. This same thing occurs to with porn. Only once did I actually cum from a gay video but only when I had to get aroused first to watching women. I have tried with my all to be open and patient but the only conclusion I can come to is I find men aesthetically hot but not sexually. Whereas women I am in tune with both. I've watched a multitude of homoerotic videos and thought of men but it just doesn't do it for me. I only get hard to women.

    I appreciate your insight and thank you for reading this.
     
  2. PyrettaBlaze

    PyrettaBlaze Guest

    This has been a year since I last posted and I'm still like I was.
     
  3. imacoolkid

    imacoolkid Guest

    Well, I'm not Chip, but it seems like you've pretty much figured it all out yourself. "I only get hard to women" would strongly suggest you are straight. You can find men attractive but if they don't make you aroused then you have no reason to think you're not straight. Maybe the real question here doesn't lie in where on the spectrum you lie, but why you keep tormenting yourself like this?
     
  4. Hats

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2015
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Neverland
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Agreed. As a possible alternative though, you could be a biromantic heterosexual.
     
  5. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sure @Chip will come around and give you some insight.

    You'll get a lot of people telling you that "porn isn't an indicator of sexuality". While that is true to some extent, this doesn't apply to people who are in denial of their sexuality and watch same sex porn, or fixate on the same sex only.

    From your post alone it sounds like you're overthinking it. Are you struggling to figure out which label fits for you?
     
  6. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First, if you want an individual person's advice and not the input of the community, PM them. (Regular members can only PM staff, but in this case, it seems like that's what you are after.)

    Second, here's what I said to your original post.

    It still applies. You clearly need to be working with a therapist. 5 years of indecision isn't going to change because of a post on an internet forum; it's driven by anxiety and obsessive thoughts, which need to be addressed.
     
  7. PyrettaB

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you everyone. Yes I have been obsessing on this for a long time. I've always been aesthetically attracted to both genders and always have noticed both within fluctuating moments. The anxiety is gone yet the consist checking and rituals remain the same and always have the result of not being able to get effectively aroused to men. I find that if I was totally straight I wouldn't notice men as attractive at all. Yet I just cannot get into them. No matter how attractive they are. It just doesn't do anything for me and I feel I've given it all I can. So why would a straight guy notice both genders. I stare at both and find both increasingly beautiful. With men it's their faces. With women it's their ass, legs and face. I don't get turned on seeing both in public but find when I think about my wife or this other woman I have crushed on I am able to get hard no problem. I know porn isn't considered a definite answer to orientation but on some level I think I would have got aroused to men visually or through my mind at this point. Even if I didn't want it. Which is denial. It would be out of my control. Yet I still think I am bi because they both catch my eye. I mean wouldn't this mean I am inclined to be attracted Chip? I also know homosexual men can also find women hot without actually being aroused.
     
  8. PyrettaB

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Wouldn't a Kinsey 1 be bisexual?
     
  9. PyrettaB

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I find when I'm not checking and doing all of this I'm fine. I still continue to notice genders but have no need to engage in these tests. I guess it could be ocd related but I know you're usually against that Chip. I recently thought I was having a heart attack and because I read someone else had one I started to obsess I was going to have one too. I went to the emergency room and they did all sorts of tests and told me I was fine. I wasn't convinced and worked myself up and went to another hospital because I didn't like their results and had another one done. I also was checking my pulse and timing it to make sure my heart was at normal resting rate and if it wasn't I'd go and do it again.

    Same with my need to know here. I always get aroused to thinking or watching women in lesbian and straight porn and I'm not convinced so I try to think of men and watch men to get aroused. I don't but I don't believe it and repeat this. My wife thinks I just find people beautiful and thinks I'm overreacting to something that has already answered itself.
     
  10. Humbly Me

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    311
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Bi sexuality describes anyone who can be attracted to both genders. And that is essentially everyone. There are few people who have never been sexually attracted to someone of both the same and opposite gender.
     
  11. Humbly Me

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    311
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Your wife is right. If you don't feel the desire to kiss guys you see, and can't get off to fantasizing about them exclusively, you are probably almost completely heterosexual. And why does it even matter if you are or not? If you ever like a guy, you are already married, so it doesn't matter. It is clearly an obsession of yours if it concerns you this much and you need to see therapist.
     
  12. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You can't get aroused by men.

    That means you aren't gay.

    End of story.