Hello, Yes, I'm taking advantage of the [word that means you don't know who I am in real life] of the internet so I can get some answers without offending and losing a friend. I'm thinking because I'm non-autistic and the fundamental way autistic and non-autistic minds work is different, then we cannot understand each other on a fundamental level which is why I'm having trouble empathizing with and working out these answers for myself. Or maybe it's just me and not all non-autistics. I also say 'non-autism' instead of 'neurotypical' as conditions such as dyslexia are also 'not-neurotypical' but a dyslexic person could be 'neurotypical' if they are 'non-autistic'. If I say 'you' related to autism at any point, it doesn't mean I'm necessarily talking about 'you' as an autistic person, but something other autistics have said. The questions: If autism is this amazing powerful thing that you say 'I am' [you are] and is just as good as or even better than non-autism, then how come you won’t take responsibility for abusive/hurtful/generally ‘asshole’ behaviour saying ‘it wasn’t really ‘me’, I have autism'. In other words, why do you believe autism is something 'you are' when you are talking about positive things, but then say it's ‘not really you’ when you do negative things? People with autism often say “I’m not making an excuse, I’m explaining my behaviour [when mentioning the autism after abusive/hurtful behaviour]” however an excuse is an ‘attempt to lessen the blame and justify the behaviour’. By saying “it wasn’t really me, I have autism” then one is lessening the blame of their own actions, and saying it was the autism. Either the autistic person, their parents or the others around them will then justify the behaviour repeating “well it’s not really my/their fault, I/they have autism, you just need to accept that, I/they think it’s okay in my/their mind” making out the behaviour is acceptable when it’s not because they have autism. Honestly I want to make accommodations for autistic people, but there is just some things about me that I cannot change that some autistic people like doing so it's pretty much impossible for me to "get over it" simply because they have autism. Some autistic people are nice about this and stop, but others won't saying I should "be okay with it" because they have autism, even though me not liking it has nothing to do with them being autistic. If anyone can help me understand why autistic people/their close relatives think that not liking something a person who happens to be autistic is doing is against their autism even if that person would not like a non-autistic doing it? Hope this is phrased okay. Thank-you for any answers.
Good natured autistic people do not do this. I am autistic and so is my best friend, but we frequently rant about actual autistic people who do this and make excuses. We believe it brings a bad name to the condition itself and it has made us ashamed to introduce ourselves as the condition. A lot of the time I end up lying and pretending to be neurotypical because of assholes who "ruin" the condition by pulling this crap. I feel like most of this comes from their parents too. Their parents coddle them and refuse to raise them properly because "they are autistic". It's bullshit. It's probably easier for me being autistic myself. I can actually confront these people and say "I never use my condition as an excuse. I'm smarter than that and take responsibility, so why can't you?" They can't think up a single excuse, so they either apologize or I cut them out from my life forever.
i think the problem lays within the tendency of allistics to try and coddle us and treat us like were kids instead of letting us take responsibility for ourselves rather than in autism as a whole. its the way its treated
Many people with mental or physical conditions tend to use their condition as an excuse for not acting properly, because they usually can get away with pretty much everything by blaming their actions on it. Not just for autism, but for other conditions too. Some people with Tourette syndrome will insult everybody as they please and say: "It's not my fault, I've got Tourette!", some people with back problems will avoid doing any household tasks saying: "I can't do any cleaning, I've got a bad back!" instead of finding creative ways to go around their disability and clean without hurting their back. Of course I don't know what the person you speak about did, because she might have done some "bad" things because she is autistic, that are truly not her fault. But in my opinion, and I don't know if I'm right here, if she could clearly say that she did it because she's autistic, she probably knew right from the start that it was bad and could have avoided doing it in the first place. So yeah, I don't think that person should be allowed to get away with everything because of this condition. However, you have to make sure she really had control over her reaction/action. Maybe try to understand a bit more what triggers her/him to react badly, and read a bit on autism to try to understand better how her/his brain works. That should help you to discern what actions could be blamed on autism and what couldn't.
Hi everyone, What I'm wanting to know though is why autism "is you" when doing good things and why it is suddenly "not you" when you do bad things? Not whether or not your autism did or didn't do the bad thing. @Creativemind any way I can reword what you say even though I'm non autistic? Sorry if I worded it horribly before. Thankyou
Well, for me it isn't. Autism is almost never a part of me in descriptions unless someone needs to know a technicality of why my brain works the way it does. If I'm doing good things, It's just me and not autism related. If I'm doing bad things, It's just me and not autism related. If you want to know why other autistic people do this, It's because people with all mental conditions do this in general. I know someone with back problems who will blame their back when it comes to not being able to clean the house, but their back problems are never discussed when they go walking out of enjoyment. I know people with PTSD, Bipolar, or Borderline who abandon or manipulate others and say "that wasn't me, I have insert condition here". I know people who emotionally abuse others and say "That wasn't me, I was emotionally abused myself, can't help it". Point is that everyone does this and it doesn't matter what condition they have. Autistic people are even more susceptible though because their parents coddle them and let them get away with terrible things as they think their autistic kid can't help it and/or doesn't know any better. These kids will believe their parents and then go on to say the same thing. An autistic person doesn't truly know why "autism is suddenly not them when they are bad" other than that's what their parents told them and treated them like.
It's an excuse. Blame autism for whatever bad thing you or I did, and ignore it for the good things. I never did that, and I think it was because of how I was raised.
