I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Well done Rjay, That must of been really hard.I have read a few posts and talk about making yourself vunerable and open and hopefully builds courage. Sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted . You give me the courage to start to be vulnerable myself.i have my first therapy session later on and going to start today . my wall are going to be slegehammered at today.

 

Hey Rjay I am really glad your fears are unfounded. Maybe she is just making it clear she is straight or maybe it is just coincidence that she happened to run into him around the time you told her you are gay, it really doesnt matter either way. She still thinks you are cool and really values your friendship which isnt as good as returning your feelings but its the next best thing .

 

RJ - It's ok to feel sad for a while. You've felt ALL the feelings in such a short time span! I second that earlier call for guilty pleasure tv and ice cream. I am still so impressed that you opened up and shared your story with her. We're here for you. Hopefully everything went ok today at school drop off and pickup?

 

Many of us here are teenagers again, our second adolescence! And do you remember the first adolescence??? I don't know about for you but for me Junior High was a bumpy road--the awkward stage, UGH. The unrequited crushes, the crushes from afar (the acne--at least that has cleared up!)

V is your first female love interest. Go easy on yourself, this is all new. Plus, honestly with what you shared it did sound like she was giving some signals that could have been interpreted as her having a more than friend interest. I think I would have interpreted them the same way.

Of course you still feel sad, and probably will for a while--but time will help, and there will be another woman (a gay woman) who gives you the same feelings of excitement that V did. Meanwhile as long as you can do it I would maintain your friendship with her. She truly likes to be around you, goes out of her way to spend time with you, that isn't going to change.

 

RJay- I am living through you P. I would be in the same situation if my marriage ended since he is the first person I have dated. I totally would not know what to do. I can't even imagine trying to figure out dating at fourtish much less figuring out if someone is straight or not. I remember being madly in love with my best friend (female) and being very protective of her, which she really liked the attention but did not share my attraction. My husband literally came into my life right after and he did not approve of my friend said she was a slut, lol she kinda was but where she was concerned I could overlook a lot. When I met her she had just had an abortion from a football jock and then moved on to a mutual friend. She had a kid with him while still in school and when he went off to the Army started a relationship with his best friend (whom she married and had kids with). Anyway the only reason I let him dictate my relationship with her is that she moved to LA and we just didn't keep up with each other. I have been feeling like trying to get in touch with her lately to see what her life is like now. She let me live at her house for a month when my dad's alcohol problem was making me lose my mind and later she stayed at my house for a couple of months when her parting mother and her could not get a long. She was a bit superficial but I really wise I had kept up with her. Life was really hard for her and me too. God I just remember that she was beautiful. How it took me so long to understand the several same sex crushed I have had in my life is beyond me. I can see it all now but I guess it is funny how you can lie or trick yourself. Sorry I went off in left field in this post lol. I am sitting in a hotel in VA feeling so damn lonely and sad drinking complimentary alcohol. Anyways I just wanted to say that you are doing so dang good RJay, just keep living real and something good will come to you soon. Now you can share all of your self with your friend even if it is not in a romantic way.

 

RJay,
I know it's no consolation right now because you're feeling sad and healing from all this. It's the pits..I've been there.
And I know it's not easy to fathom this right now but I want you to try...imagine meeting someone for whom you feel exactly this same amount of love, and butterflies, and all that stuff....and imagine she feels the same and you're both just giddy with happiness....can you picture it?...Believe me when I say you will have this. No joke.

And, you and V may be great friends forever and she can be supportive of your relationship with your new love and you can reciprocate.
I'm trying to paint a picture of a very realistic future that I have no doubt is in your reach.
No, you're not a teenager, you're human, full of love to give, and you deserve the same.

As for V, I'm happy she is communicating with you, and consider this...if indeed she's trying to let you know how super straight she is, then this means she cares about you as a friend. Why? Because she is trying to make sure you know the deal and don't get hurt by falling for her (even though you already have and she may not completely know how bad you have it for her). She wouldn't try to explain anything if she didn't care for you as a friend...she would just drop communication and go cold. Hard as it may be...try to think of her as a friend.

I know you will find love again. In the meantime, we're all here for you. Vent all you want and don't hesitate to ask anything, even if you feel it's crazy...your feelings are valid! *hugs* ♥♥♥

 

Just to echo all of the above. V probably had some idea of what was going on. If she's half the person you draw her as, she would have to know. She was probably wondering how things would play out. And (I would think) she was impressed by the forthright and trusting way you came out. A BFF is worth a whole lot in this world.

 

You have every right to be sad, it's like you saw everything you wanted in life right in front of you but when you reached out to touch it, it disappeared. Let yourself be sad for a bit and then remind yourself how a,aging it felt before it disappeared and then go and look for it elsewhere. The girl that makes you feel like that but returns your feelings is out there you just have to find her.

 

If your therapist hadn't said it, we all would have thought it anyway. Really you are doing everything right. Being yourself looks like a winning strategy. But I just had a good first date this morning, so maybe it's just the oxytocin talking. Cheers to both of us!

 

You have a good therapist! I am not an expert in therapists, however, she makes tons on sense.
V seems to be so special - its amazing how life throws in a learning experience along with the rest of bells and whistles ( the good stuff!) when you least expect it..

 

I agree with your therapist you are handling it well and proving to yourself you can do this. Enjoy it for what it is and if it ever becomes more that's a bonus.

 

What your therapist said is true, you are handling it so well! If you can manage it, a friendship with V is better than nothing. A connection is there regardless of if its a romantic one or not.
As for what your therapist said about V possibly feeling the same and just going through the process of discovering it... she might be right, but she may not be. It's hard not to take everything our therapists say as definites. My therapist has said on a few occassions that from what I've told her about my crush and the way she acts with me, that she believes there may be some returned feelings. It's hard not to hold onto that and hope, but in my case, there may be feeling reciprocated but she's not going to leave her partner etc.
All I'm saying is, try not to dwell on what your therapist says, she may be right but don't place too much emphasis on it. If it happens, awesome! If not, you've still got an amazing friendship with V.

Hang in there!

 

Best line in your post is, 'I felt somewhat calmer about it, it felt good and not like torture, deeper and less superficial.' You revealed yourself to her-and the world didn't crash down around you. I am wondering if you just feel more centered and more real (more authentic!) now, and that is leading to feeling more peaceful? The poster who said the bit about life throwing us a learning experience along with the bells and whistles...well that seems right on! For me I've realized that sometimes it's hard to see our growth in the moment. It's only upon reflection and with some time passing that I have looked back and been like, 'wow! I really grew as a person from going through that...and I am proud of me and the way I handled it!' I hope you will feel the same. You're doing great, the first part of what your therapist said seems like solid advice. As other posters have mentioned, the second part I wouldn't focus too much on. Sure it's possible V is going through her own period of discovery! But the bottom line is that if V is straight she's straight. There is such a thing as best friend love though. Different than romantic love of course, but it can be quite something in it's own right

 

My date rolled up to the coffee shop on a bike (+), dark hair flowing out of the helmet (+), wearing a backpack (+) with a copy of the latest New Yorker (+), hugged me (+), and said we should see each other again. Yay! (Not to hijack your thread.) Back to you.

 

Your story is just as important