Hi! SO YES I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT I DID IT! Basically I was on the train with my mom. It's been two weeks since I truly acknowledged to myself that I was guy and liked men, so I thought: "what if someone asks me 'when are you getting a girlfriend' or a similar question? Will I lie or not". That's when I seriously thought about coming out, yet I thought I would have done it next autumn ... or maybe later. AND INSTEAD I DID IT TODAY! I was eating pizza with my mom and I came out to her! She was really cool about it. I've done it also with my sis and with a friend of mine (they both live abroad, in UK and in Spain to be exact) and I'm currently waiting for their response. Now I want to ask you some questions: * first, why is it so exhausting and difficult to come out? I mean, it's true that after you've came out once the things gets simpler (for instance, when I told my mom it was a "HUGE deal", and after just four hours I was able to come out "casually" to my sis and bf) ... yet I still find it really hard, I mean coming out to all my valuable life companions. * also, immediately afterwards I came out I freaked out and thought: "what if I'm not really gay"? I 'tested' my sexuality and acknowledged for the 49805th time that girls don't turn me on and guys do. Has this ever happened to you? * I'm also afraid of my friends reaction :tears: so well ... after having came out, I feel free at the same time (and slightly nervous) ... and I also free something has changed in my soul, I guess it's the taste of freedom (!)
Wow congratulations!!!! I'm glad your mom is cool about it I hope you'll get supportive responses from your sister and friend too It's such a great feeling right? I recently came out to the first person ever as well and it's such a relief and I'm happier than ever, I hope you'll be too!!! hahaha yes that 'taste of freedom' is amazing enjoy and celebrate this day, you deserve it
Hi Luna! Glad you came out as well yes, I feel so more "authentic" and "free"! It's just amazing! my sister said she supports relationships founded on love and that she is thankful for me telling her my sexuality :kiss
Congratulations, indipendenza! That took courage! I'm so happy that your Mom and sister are both so understanding and accepting! Having some initial remorse after Coming Out- such as thinking 'did I do the right thing?' - its normal. That anxiety will pass in time. Usually, it gets easier to Come Out as you Come Out to more and more people over time. But it also often depends on who you Come Out to. It is normally hardest to Come Out to the people closest to you; the people whose opinions, love/friendship and support matter the most to you. Just some thoughts.
Nice job! Coming out is always difficult the first time that you do it. But I assure you, it gets much easier to do after a little while. I think that we all have some sort of doubting at times, but that's perfectly okay. And I know that the potential reactions from other people can be kind of scary. But it's important to note that if they are really your friends, they will be the ones most accepting of you. You can always ask them what their thoughts on the subject are before you decide to tell them.
thanks for the help guys! unfortunately today I feel slightly sad, it's like if I feel "different" and I'm not even as talkative and joyful as I was used to ... like the "relief" sensation I had yesterday vanished I just hope it'll get better
please guys I need help I'm living my sexuality in a negative way, as if it was my flaw I know it doesn't make sense but I'm crying please help me (((
Hey indipendenza, What you are experiencing is normal. You just had a major change in your life - that huge secret that you've been keeping has been suddenly exposed to several of the people closest to you. Plus, you did it quite spontaneously, so you may not really have been quite prepared yet to Come Out. Coming Out, can be a very emotional event. You are just adjusting to your new reality where you can be open about your sexuality with your mom, your sister and your bf. Give yourself time to adjust to the new 'normal' in your life. Your sadness/anxiety will pass. Why do you say that you're living your sexuality in a negative way?
hi! Thank you for the help. Yes, I think you pinpointed perfectly the cause of my emotions - right now I'm feeling better (as you said I am "adjusting to my new reality"). With "I'm living my sexuality in a negative way" I meant that till some hours ago I considered my homosexuality to be a "glitch" of myself, something to be ashamed of. I know (rationally) that those thought are hideous and untruthful, but irrationality unfortunately hits really hard in those hard times. Anyway thanks for the help. Really (!)
Hey indipendenza, It sounds like you might be dealing with some internalized homophobia and shame. Why don't you check out this blog and this one and see if they don't offer you some useful insights. Stay strong and proud!
Hi guys Like that friend I texted actually didn't reply back The likelihood is that she was busy and had no time to reply me back (we answer back to each other even weeks after the first message was sent) Yet right know I'm having an anxiety attack and I'm imagining all the disasters possible (such as she rejecting me or she posting my message on my Facebook wall sending me hate messages) I know that's absurd but that's how I feel what can I do?
Hey indipendenza, I'd say you should do your best not to worry about it. We can't control how someone reacts to our Coming Out. She's your bf, right? I would doubt that she has any problem with you Coming Out to her. You said it's normal to take long periods of time between answering texts, so this isn't unusual behavior for her. In fact, she may not even think it's a big deal (even though it is to you.) In the meantime, there isn't anything you can actually do about whatever her reaction will be, so try not to waste time and emotional capital on this.
hi Quantumreality! thanks <3 yes indeed she now texted me and said everything is ok, so I really spent useless emotional energies on that do you have any suggestions not to be scared of other's judgment? I'm afraid that if an homophobe pops up I'll be destroyed
Hey indipendenza, Congratulations! I’m very happy for you! Now you have three people that you are Out to and with whom you can finally just be you. In terms of other’s judgement, unfortunately, as I said, you can’t control anyone else’s reaction when you Come Out. You should only Come Out to someone if/when you feel comfortable doing so. One thing you might do in advance of Coming Out to someone else is to casually discuss an LGBTQ issue/person or two (maybe something or someone recently in the news) and see what their attitude towards LGBTQ might be. However, there is always the possibility of rejection. If that happens, you have to realize that the problem lies with that particular person, not you. If they are so closed-minded/prejudiced that they can’t accept you simply because you happen to be gay, they are almost certainly someone that really want to be around anyway. There is no particular way of getting more comfortable with Coming Out other than just doing it. Over time you will realize that it’s usually not nearly as big a deal or as emotional an event to others as it is to you. If you find that you tend to worry and dwell about people’s reactions when you Come Out them via text, you may want to consider changing your method of Coming Out and only do it directly (face-to-face or on the phone), that way you can get their reaction immediately. Just some thoughts.
thanks! I really appreciate your help. )) you are so kind quantum reality! what you said anyway it's true - I'll absolutely keep that in mind! really, thank you very much! gracias <3
I'm happy if I can help, indipendenza. Incidentally, I noticed a typo in my last post. I wrote: You probably figured it out, but it should have read: "... they are almost certainly not someone that you really want to be around anyway."
I have that same thought indipendenza what if i tell then and realise i am not gay or i have only known i am gay for a week what if i am wrong, but i just go over guy and girls in my head and realise i am gay and its not going to change.
