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what is going on

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by spacequeen, Jun 25, 2017.

  1. spacequeen

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    please help!

    i specifically came on this website because i am having so many questions and issues with the label i have given myself "bisexual", because it doesn't seem to entirely fit my sexuality. i have definitely been using it more as an umbrella term, but i feel like i'm using it incorrectly and need some help working out what my sexuality should be called. i really don't feel comfortable talking about this with my parents or friends (both groups of people i am out to and are super supportive).

    first of all, i have never been in a real relationship, have never even been kissed, etc, which means i have no tangible basis to go off of when assessing what my sexuality even is. that being said, i have done a whole lot of thinking and still have not come up with a conclusion. here is what i know:

    -romantically i am definitely attracted to both men and women, although i have only ever been seriously attracted to 1 girl, and more boys that that for sure
    -sexually, i go back and forth between feeling sex repulsed, and not minding the idea of sex with a woman. my thoughts on this come from the fact that i don't mind/definitely like looking at females naked, but do NOT like looking at men who are naked/hate the idea of having sex with a man.

    i would love to talk about this with someone. sorry if i come off weird sounding or stupid, i'm having a really hard time and would appreciate any advice i can get!
     
  2. BothWaysSecret

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    Well, you are definitely bisexual, because you do have attraction to both men and women. Keep in mind though that bisexual does not have to mean 50/50 attraction, and that it can be nuanced.

    It is very likely to figure out your orientation despite having no prior relationships. I myself have done just that. But it sounds like you have thought about it and have a general idea, you're just unsure of what to call it. Now, some people don't like labels. However, if it's easier to figure out your orientation with one, then I think it's best to use one.

    I have one question for you: When you say you are sexually repulsed, do you mean by both men and women, or just by men? because that could change the label you use for yourself.

    From what you have described, it sounds as if you are biromantic homosexual. Or if there is repulsion for both men and women sexually, biromantic asexual could work.

    Is it possible you could also be demisexual, meaning that you only develop a sexual attraction to someone after a strong emotional/romantic bond is formed?

    This forum might help you sort this out: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/74042-grey-a-and-demisexual-faq-and-link-thread/

    Keep in mind, these more specific labels can help you figure out exactly what you are, but you do not have to use them with others. I just use the generic bisexual mostly, but my attraction is more specific that that. Use whatever label you are comfortable with using for others to help understand you a bit better, and to help navigate when it comes to the dating world.
     
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  3. spacequeen

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    thank you so much for your input, it is helping me out a lot!

    when i first started figuring things out, a few years ago, i thought i may be demisexual, but that was before i was considering bisexuality. i am definitely biromantic, so i am so glad i have that sorted out now.

    i think that in respects to women, i definitely have some sort of sexual attraction to them. as for men, i am definitely sexually repulsed, but i feel like if i was in a serious loving relationship i may be open to trying it out? would that be considered demisexuality or does this mean i am definitely only homosexual? this is the part that confuses me the most.
     
  4. BothWaysSecret

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    Well, demisexual itself can apply to any orientation. You could be straight and demi, gay and demi, bi and demi, etc. However, your situation is unique because you definitely have sexual feelings for women, but would need a close relationship with a man before even considering sex.

    It's hard to say really. There are feelings for both, so you're most likely bisexual. You could use that label, and if you enter into a relationship with a man, simply explain that it may take awhile before you're comfortable having sex with him, as you need to feel a deep emotional bond to him in order for it to happen.

    I think the thing is, you won't truly know for sure until you are actually in that situation. As of right now, I'd say you were bi with a stronger preference for women, but only you can choose a label for yourself.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    It's good to know something for sure, isn't it? And, speaking just for myself, the world could use a few more proud biromantics.

    I can see how that feeling could be confusing, but I think it is also very insightful. Strong (positive) emotions can make another person's "equipment" suddenly beautiful. It just sounds like the odds are in the female's favor.

    You're in the right place here to learn. Not to worry about sounding silly. We are all born clueless (yes one could debate that philosophically). Let's hope our collective wisdom will get us through!