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Just don't care anymore.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by iliketolift1, Jun 24, 2017.

  1. iliketolift1

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    For a couple years my sexuality was something that was constantly on my mind and I obsessed about it. It encompassed me entirely. Now as I approach my 16th birthday I really dont care about it at all and dont really think of it often tbh (one of the reasons for my long hiatus on here). Ive noticed that many of acquaintances I have made whether it be online or in real life who are also gay still seem to obsess about it and its a huge part of their image. Is it normal for me to not care at all about it? Maybe its because im not out? I dont know. Anyone care to enlighten me on their experiences? Im not sure if this post is entirely coherent so hopefully you get the gist of what I mean.
     
  2. iliketolift1

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    also im not really sure if I posted this in the right place but it does kinda link to coming out because as I dont really think of my sexuality often I dont really find it important to come out at all. Do I need to come out or can I just bring my theoretical gf home and leave it at that XD
     
  3. hotblue

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    Sexuality and gender used to matter a whole lot to me about a year ago. It mostly was an obsession because I was scared that not knowing my label meant that I didn't know anything about myself, so I spent a lot of my time trying to figure it all out. But then a bunch of people started telling me that I didn't really need to put a label on it, and that sexuality and gender should definitely not be the only things that define you.

    I also used to have a teacher who used to tell me how he hated talking to people who started introducing themselves with their sexuality before all things. For example, if you were shaking his hand and saying "Hello, I'm a gay man and my name is Name and, oh yeah, I'm your student." He just didn't like to see people making their minorities a big part of their image because he knows there's so much more to people than sex, race, etc.
    So after hearing about things like that I stopped caring so much and I still don't introduce my sexuality to anyone unless they ask me. I do have gay friends who seem to think that their sexuality is the only trait they have.

    But yeah, I get what you're saying. It's probably good that you don't care as much anymore; it's much easier to discover it if you aren't constantly thinking about it. I think it's pretty normal not to care and it gets tiring making your sexuality a huge part of your image anyway. :grin:

    As for coming out, that's really up to you. If you feel comfortable (and safe) being out, then you should go for it! But if it feels unnecessary (or unsafe?) then maybe wait, or just bring a girl home someday and be like "oh yeah.."
     
    #3 hotblue, Jun 24, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2017
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  4. DirectionNorth

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    I think different people have different comfort levels with themselves(if I'm understanding you correctly.) Just like there are wannabe artists who act flashy and pretentious, then there are artists who are cool about it, maybe don't even like talking about it or brag. They don't need to prove it to themselves and everyone they do art, they just do it and are artists (not to say those types don't have their quirks either, they're just more natural about it.)

    That's just a rough example though.
     
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  5. DirectionNorth

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    Also, sometimes it's simply a phase people go through when coming out. Just like before I came out, I was (and still am a little) getting my hands on any lgbtq film, series, novel etc. I still do that, but my point was, I just started getting that itch to do that in the process of coming out.
     
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  6. iliketolift1

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    Yeah I definitely get where you are coming from. Like your teacher I find there are much more interesting things about people than their sexualities/identities which is why I find it kinda cringe worthy now when I see people who craft their whole life around that one thing. In relation to coming out, I wont be doing it for a while just because it unnecessary and not really a good idea. I am comfortable with myself which I think is sufficient enough for the time being! Thanks for the input!
     
  7. iliketolift1

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    Ah I like that analogy, I dunno I think I have just gotten to the point where im lazy about it and dont find any point in wasting energy on it XD

    I also still consume quite a bit lgbt media but its mostly because I relate to it more. But I definitely agree, when I was really itching to come out and was still really consumed by it I watched and read so much more than usual of that particular genre
     
  8. Creativemind

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    I don't care about my sexuality either. But I've also been out for 12 years now...so I don't see why It's big news anymore? It's for the same reason that a lot of straight people don't obsess over sex or their sex lives as they age and get married. It becomes old news and not exciting to discuss anymore, even though they're still heterosexuals that enjoy sex. People go through a phase of seeing something as exciting or new, but It's just not a huge part of the identity of many people.
     
  9. mbanema

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    I never really struggled with my sexuality much -- I knew I was at least curious when I was pretty young and never worried about the labels much. When I realized I was gay, I was okay with that.

    I did however feel absolutely tormented about coming out for quite a few years and fear stopped me from ever doing it. Now I barely ever think about it anymore, but not for a good reason. I think I've just kind of given up on myself at this point. I feel completely unlikable and being out wouldn't help that at all so I don't focus on it.

    I think your situation is different though, and better. It seems like some LGBT people like to treat their sexuality as their defining characteristic whereas you see it as a small part of the puzzle. It's definitely something that has a significant impact on you, but there's more to who you are than just gay.
     
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  10. iliketolift1

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    For me it was something that was just extremely stressful and I was very afraid of the prospect of being gay, after that came the excitement and now I am filled with nothingness XD
     
  11. kscurious

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    I also obsessed over my sexuality and still do to an extent. I don't watch any gay shows or anything. I just read more about the LGBT struggle for acceptance and civil rights. But remember that it is just one small aspect of you. I am also a rock climber, a paralegal, a brother, a son, a friend and gay. I choose to just introduce myself as Dan and let people know on an as needed basis.
     
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  12. swimmingfly

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    you got this bro. <3
     
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  13. iliketolift1

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    Thank ya man! I'm comfortable with myself and that's what matters to me :slight_smile:
     
  14. swimmingfly

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    and that's all that matters :slight_smile: <3