Lost

Absolutely

 

OMG, yes!!!

 

Shortbutsweet-I am just catching up on your story. Life does have so many unexpected twists and turns doesn't it? How are you doing now?

What you are going through now is so difficult, as you well know! I would encourage you to make decisions that are in line with whatever feels right in your soul. Sometimes we know what feels right on this deep level but try to 'bend' it a bit to make it fit into other parameters. I know when I was with my husband (divorced now) I tried to adjust what felt right in my soul several times in order to hang on in to the marriage--and this tactic did not work in the long run. At the time we got divorced I hadn't even begun to question my sexuality, that wasn't the issue, but we had many other issues that caused our break-up. In the end I HAD to go with what felt right for me deep down inside, and that was breaking up. As a side note, we are friends now. We live in different states, but text and call fairly often...we are actually much better as friends than husband and wife!

Anyway, I do think that this late in life forum is so popular because this is the age where we all start taking stock of our lives. It becomes crystal clear that we don't have endless time left-we know it's important to live in a way that feels good to our heart and spirit, in a way that makes us feel at peace-even if the road getting to that is terribly painful. Whether you and your husband can work this out, or if you choose to stay broken up--I wish you all the best, and EC will be here to support you!

 

I did this with my wife back in the 90's. At the time, I had no idea I was gay. I just thought I was kinky.

 

My husband and I were together for a while, then married almost 14 years. It wasn't until a few years after the divorce that I met THE girl that changed my whole world (this was 3-4 yrs ago)...we started a relationship, and WOW finally everything felt right! Looking back now its obvious there were signs I was into women all along--signs I choose not to pay attention to. So I was always with men--but something always felt a bit off to me (which I blamed on something wrong with me, or my expecting to much etc. etc.) Anyway, I am out now to my family and my friends, but there are a few people who I don't see often that I am not out to, and I'm not out at work.

I think taking some time this week to just breathe, reflect on everything and to gather your strength is a good plan. As you go through this your
your strength will, in fact, build on itself. And my guess is you will be surprised at just how strong you can be in the face of what are very painful and difficult circumstances. On many occasions on EC the word journey is used to describe the process towards living as the person we were meant to be. And the word I think is perfect. It is a journey. I've shared this quote before on this forum, but I think it's perfect in this instance too. Take Care



'Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything, maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.'

 

Always love a Moonsparkle quote

 

Love this

 

Do you think this I should a good thing?

 

That's good. I think it will be a great step forward but I get that it's scary.

 

I feel for you as I am dealing with the same thing. My wife knows I'm gay and will stay married to me only if i don't act on my desire to be with a man.

 

You are being super brave! Just like me! HAHA! Seriously, though, I know it's scary when they move out. Lots of doubt and guilt come up. But, I can already tell you are going to be GREAT!

 

SBS you have clearly encapsulated my feelings in your post. After discovering my homosexuality and coming to terms with it I wanted to live an authentic life. I didn't want to pretend to be straight or bisexual because I wasn't. I didn't want to pretend to find women attractive because I don't. I am slowly but surely working towards being a proud openly gay man with a wonderful boyfriend. There are times I do want yell " I am gay and loving it". Other times I just want the world to know I am in relationship with another man deal with it! It is a thrilling time in my life to be so open about who I am. You are right we have earned that right. Go for it, become the proud lesbian you were meant to be.

 

I'm terrified that my wife will want to have sex with me. I don't think I could now that the wall has fallen down.

 

Mav1 I know exactly how you feel. Once I acknowledged my homosexuality I lost all interest in my girlfriend at the time but in addition lost the ability to be intimate. It was so uncomfortable to be with her as the idea of sex with her became gross in my mind. Within a month of truly embracing gay I was free of her and heterosexuality. Never looked back and don't miss either.