Can i be gay if i have never been with a girl and i have also only had a few short relationships with guys? But when i really think about it, i can see myself being with a girl but not with guys, i feel more comfortable when i am with girls and connect with then much easier and faster. There was not much if any connection with the guys that i went out with.
Hey Jess29, Of course you can. Sexual orientation is about attractions, not actions. (Otherwise we'd have the ridiculous situation that even straight people couldn't know that they really are straight until/unless they've been with a person of the opposite sex and you could even argue that they wouldn't actually know that they aren't gay/bi until/unless they've been with a person of the same sex.) It just doesn't work that way. Your only challenge is to listen to what your body is telling you in terms of your romantic and sexual attractions. For LGBTQ people, that can often be more challenging than for straight people because we grow up in a heteronormative society and many of us often feel shame and develop internalized homophobia when we realize that we are other-than-straight. So, we often have to overcome that before we can truly be comfortable with who we are. My 2cents.
That makes alot of sense. If i think of things i am unsure about from the straight orientation point of view it makes a lot of sense that its just flipped for gay orientation.
Hey Jess29, That's right. In fact, a common question that gay/bi people get when they Come Out to someone is "how do you know you're gay/bi?" The standard answer to that is "how do you know you're straight?" (It's actually an ignorant question. First of all, the only person who actually ever knows someone's sexual orientation is that person, so if someone trusts you enough to open up about their orientation, you have to take them at face value. Second, we have nothing to prove to anyone else about our sexual orientation.)
I can see people asking me that. I feel like my mum is going to ask me a similar question more along the lines of "why do you think you are gay". To which I will respond " I don't think, I know I am gay"
I've never been sexually involved with a girl and I've been out for 12 years now....never questioned it. Actions don't always prove anything.
Hey as the others have said you can be gay and not have been with a girl, straight people don't question their straightness before they have a relationship. .
Straight people don't have to do anything to prove to themselves or anyone else that they are straight. They just know. Same with gay people. Many people, in the early stages, have difficulty accepting they are gay, but that doesn't make the any less gay, it just means that they struggle to rationalize why they might still be straight. That's where all the nonsense about 'heteroromantic/homosexual' comes from... The bargaining phase of processing the loss of being straight, as in 'ok, I know I like the same sex, but I could still end up with the opposite sex, because I like them in a different way.' The 'different way', pro'romantic attraction' already has a name, and it is called 'deep, emotionally intimate friendship' I hope that helps.
