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FTM coming out... if you've got time please help.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sonnolento, Jun 25, 2017.

  1. sonnolento

    sonnolento Guest

    I am FTM trans, have been figuring this all out/considering transitioning for just over 2 years now. I have very recently gotten to the point where I feel very depressed almost every day, and I am extremely self-conscious of my body. I have been presenting as male for 2 years, under my birth name and using she/her pronouns, and it has been just alright for me. But this is really starting to hurt me now. I look like a 13 years old boy. I am nearly 21 and I feel it is time to start my life and stop cheating myself of living authentically. That being said, it is time to come out.

    I am living at home currently, and going back to college for one more year starting in September. Then I plan to live at home for a year or two more to get started on paying my loans. Then I am gone. I live with my mom and dad, and I have no siblings. My mom has always been accepting of me having been a "tomboy" my whole life. My dad on the other hand has always resisted it, and I can tell even now he is still unhappy with it. He wants me to look like more of a lady, I know it. He says it is embarassing when I am mistaken for a boy. I wouldn't say he is transphobic/homophobic, but he has made some comments. He isn't very open minded in that respect. Naturally, coming out to him poses a challenge. I feel that he would get really mad, think I'm full of sh*t, or it will strain our relationship. I cannot see him taking it well, although I don't see him taking it horribly (i.e. disowning me, etc.).

    I started writing a letter to my parents, detailing how I've felt all my life, and telling them how I discovered my trans-ness and what I intend to do about it (top surgery and hormones). I will be crafting this letter all summer, and plan to come out in October after I have to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. This is the only way I feel I can come out and fully explain myself without being interrupted or getting nervous and misspeaking.

    Something unexpected came friday, the perfect opportunity to come out to mom. It's like the universe handed it to me. I was so pleased. As I expected, it went well, but I feel she doesn't 100% understand it. But that's ok. Shes open minded and cares how I feel so I feel she will be okay. Now that I am out to her, I am wondering if I should just bite the bullet and come out to my dad. What if I am presented yet another opportunity like what happened with mom? I just don't know. Lately I have been very depressed, and my dad has been noticing. He asks me what's wrong and all I can say is ' nothing ' because I am not ready to tell him. I don't connect with him too much on an emotional level. We either just argue and don't see eye to eye, or we have a more friend-like relationship. But I feel coming out to him will be so hard.

    What do you all think? I am so strained. Thank you.
     
  2. Nocturnal Lord

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2017
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    In a sense I'm almost in the same boat with you. My mother is open minded as well, but doesn't fully grasp sexuality differences. My father is homophobic. What I do is; really- I just ignore the conversations all together. I opened up to my mom once, but she believes its just a phase (blah blah) BUT your situation is different. The letter is a great idea. Focus really hard on what key aspects you want them to know about in the letter. (As you plan to give them the letter when you move out?) Even if you gave them the letter while living there; I don't think they would be angry. Deep down somewhere they must love you.

    If your father hates it or disagrees with it; he's not making a great attempt to stop you is he? Nor your mom? Or maybe their acting like this because you are thier only child? (Wanting bloodline traditional grandchildren)

    Honestly Dude, I know this sounds cheesy; but just don't even think about it. (As hard as that is, probably as soon as you wake up and go to bed, your thoughts flood your mind. )

    Or maybe He wants you to stick up to him. "Listen; I understand that you and mom aren't so keen on me being the way I am. If you failed to realize, as your child, that I was different all these years= then that means I didn't fail you as a child. You failed me as a father. Why bother asking me when something's wrong, when you know Thiers something wrong? If you want to be disappointed with me the rest of my life; so be it. You can dwell misery. But I will be living my own life. Being who I was ment to be.". I say just flat out say something like that to him. Face to face. Prove that you are a man of your word.

    Good luck. Hope your alright. Msg me if you ever need to talk to someone. I had a lot of MTF, FTM friends.
     
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