Hi there, I could use some help just processing what I've been going through. I have had some awful luck dating in the past year. AWFUL. I have been on about 10-12 first dates and still have yet to be on a second date. Most of these guys have been my age (the oldest being 26 and I am 21). Most of the time I have been the one who didn't feel a connection, but there have been a few times where the other guy didn't. I don't consider myself the "hookup" type, but with my bad luck with dating it has caused me to sleep around a few times. The 4 guys I have slept with have all been significantly older than me... 42, 42, 45, and 40. Now, you may ask why? I feel part of it is that I have messaged guys my age on apps like G**** and have received no response. All the guys I have slept with I find very attractive, it is just they are not my age. I honestly feel awful because I am sleeping with guys twice my age and 1.) I don't know if I should feel awful but 2.) I don't know why I am sleeping with such older men. No, there are no father issues or anything. My father has been extremely loving and supportive throughout my life and it has nothing to do with that. I find myself attracted to men my age but also some very good looking older men. I guess my biggest thing is I feel really guilty sleeping with these older men. It somewhat bothers me I have not slept with someone my age... but I also feel that I'm looking for a legit relationship with guys my age while with older men I just look at it as "sleeping together." I do have fears though because I am a very emotional person and I feel that I could end up falling for a guy twice my age if I slept with him consistently. There is already one guy I slept with that I somewhat feel connected to, but I really don't want a relationship with someone twice my age. Sorry for the rant (and this being all over the place), but I would just like some help in processing what I'm going through. Is sleeping with older men something I should stop? Should I feel guilty about this? Thanks for all the help.
Hi! If you like sleeping with older guys I don't see why you should stop, but having a relationship with someone twice your age might become a problem in the long run (but you seem aware of that already). But I think that your preference towards older men could just indicate that you are more mature than most guys in their early 20s and that you seek more mature guys. This might sound like a generalization, but most guys in their early 20s are not looking to settle in and have long lasting relationships. For men, these desires usually don't come until their late 20s, even early 30s, which is the main reason why many young straight girls go out with older guys. I think you just need to find a guy your age that has the same expectations as you do. Someone who is at the same place in life as you are and wants the same thing as you do.
