when you're not sure if your parents suspect or not

My parents have always on the somewhat homophobic side, especially my dad. If there's any mention of same-sex couples on the news he'll always dismiss it, asking why is it even news, why is it important. If there are shows with LGBTQ+ people in them my dad will either hate on the show the whole time we're watching or walk over and change the channel even if I was watching. If we see a same-sex couple in public my dad will always look down upon them. For instance, there were two women sitting next to us at dinner (they were actually mother and daughter) and my dad thought they were lesbians and he was like 'those two are holding hands? they're lesbians?' in that voice that just showed so much disdain. The other day my parents were talking about a celebrity and whether she was still single and my mom said 'i think she's a lezzie'. Who even says that?

Anyway, long story short, it's things like these that make me hesitant to come out to them.

But there are days where I think they may know that I'm gay. I've always dressed on the androgynous/tomboy side. I've never been into frilly, girly stuff. And they know my friend circle. I've never been the type to talk about boys, to talk about how attractive guys are, I've never talked about wanting a boyfriend.

I live in my own place for college and my parents have casually mentioned a few times how I could have friends over to visit if I wanted. Recently they've been bringing it up more and more often, usually asking if my best friend A (whom I have a crush on) will be coming over. But I've never said that A was my best friend, as far as they know/when I last lived at home my best friend was B, and they've never had reason to believe otherwise. I find it strange that they've suddenly caught on that I have a different best friend now, and that it's A that I would want to come visit me the most.

Whenever my parents use my friends' names in examples of things, recently it's always been A's name. But randomly today my mom used B's name in her example...

Am I just reading into things to much or is there a possibility that my parents might know that I'm gay?

 

It hasn't gotten much better (the lezzie comment was just a few weeks ago), but they do seem to be a bit more accepting of LGBTQ+ content in general. They've been better about watching shows with gay people and stuff, although it may be because I've been more open about supporting LGBT+ causes, wearing pride shirts, etc. They still continue to support people who are homophobic though. Like they're a bit more accepting I guess, but they don't get the struggle and problems that I/we face.

 

Last year my parents didn't want me to go to the parade with a friend, saying that the gay area was 'dangerous' and that they didn't want me hanging out there. By chance we ended up catching the end of the parade last year and my parents seemed kind of okay with it. They clearly weren't into it but they didn't say or do anything hateful during the parade.

Generally it doesn't seem like my parents have gotten any better with their stance on LGBT+ topics, but out of nowhere my mom asked me if the pride parade was this week. She's either assuming I'm supposed to be up to date with all the events going on in the city (which I kind of am...) or she's asking because she thinks it's something that I care about and that I would know. When I told them the date of the parade, my dad asked if I was going to go. I do want to go, but I have other preoccupations that my mom will probably force me to stay home for, so I said 'I would like to go but I can't go'. Then my mom said if I can get my things in order before the day of the parade we can go: not I can go but WE can go.

The change that my parents asked if I want to go to the parade this year is making me wonder whether my parents suspect that I might be gay. As I've said before I'm trying to be more open and supportive about LGBT+ topics around them. Eventually I want to come out to my parents but it's not the ideal time for me right now and I know it.

Do you think my parents are coming around slowly? Or was it just a random fluke that they asked about the pride parade?

 

That's what I was thinking too but I have to keep in mind that even in my 20's my parents are very controlling and don't let me go out with friends too often. To them, me spending the day with friends is a waste of time but spending the day with them isn't even if I would be doing the exact same thing with my friends or with them (say shopping, eating, going to see a show, etc.). Regardless of whether they've changed their views on pride or not, they're really big on family outings which I find very constricting and suffocating but if I don't put up with going out with my parents I'm pretty much confined to my room all day. I wish I had more freedom both literally and figuratively but as long as they're keeping a roof over my head I'm not going to object too much. My financial dependence on them is a big factor that's keeping me from coming out to them.