Heeey, I have a question for anyone attracted to women?

Ok,

So recently I went shopping with a coworker of mine, and I'd always thought she was pretty cute. She reminded me of a gal I had a pretty huge crush on in high school. We were trying on jeans in separate dressing rooms, when she suggested that we try on bathing suits. I'm not really the type to wear a bikini so I opted out and just held her stuff in the dressing room... and she took her top off right in front of me, no holds barred, and I was reminded yet again that I'm totally attracted to boobs, and to her. She had me tie her tops and tell her which ones looked best Hahah it was pretty fun for me, but I don't think that she knew I was attracted to women, and now I feel a little weird about it. I've never been with a woman aka, haven't had my first kiss, nothing yet.. but when I was in the dressing room there with her I wish for a moment she wasn't straight. Hah maybe a little tmi, but I guess my question is,
if you're attracted to women or lesbian per se, this kind of experience would be totally sexual and a turn on,
weheras instead, if it were two cis straight women trying on bathing suits and tying them for eachother, it'd be fun but totally platonic, sorta?

I'm confused as to whether I'm totally attracted to women and trying to rationalize it in my mind perhaps. Ahah.

 

Edit, I'm not out to her that I'm queer. This was quite a few months ago now that I think about it, but I was presenting as a woman and going by she/her, and never told anyone I was gay at work, and we had just started working at the same store. She kind of just suggested we go to the mall and get ice cream as a girly thing (she's totally straight) so that's why I feel a little bad. Because I was reeeallly in to her at the time and wish I could have told her that, and about my gender.

 

Don't rationalize, just feel. You can't rationalize liking and attraction. I tried to and I don't know why but I've veered away from men and almost totally towards women. Sure I'll see a pretty guy now and then and think, hey, he's cute, riiight? But then realize there is 0 desire for anything beyond staring. Not even touching.

 

Hmm. That makes a lot of sense. I rationalize things way, way too much sometimes. I'll have to do a lot more feeling and have some more experiences to see how I feel. It can get pretty confusing ahah

 

Aha! I've found many times where my straight female friends are comfortably touchy in ways that they wouldn't be with guys...though for me, even though I regard them as friends, I find it awkward. I still feel like I'm being creepy when doing the same thing. It kinda sucks though cuz I do want to have closer friendships.

The compliments said among straight girls is also something that feels awkward for me to say. (ex complimenting looks/body or whatever) Actually, I find that alot of straight girls find girls more aesthetically pleasing than guys. Either that, or similar to me, they feel awkward complimenting people who are the gender they're sexually attracted to.

 

That's exactly what I've experienced with girls I've been attracted to: it's totally awkward complimenting them. and if I'm really, really into them, i wish I could do so much more. In a weird way, I've always always fantasized that I'm a guy, and I'm buying HER dinner on the first date, picking her up in MY car, etc and that I'd be the one with the classic advances and such, chivalry; I've always wished I had my lady to lay on ME when we're cuddling in bed and I'm telling her she's a princess, etc, and I like being attributed to masculinity.
i keep falling for straight girls. All the time. And it sucks not being able to act on it, I have so many platonic friends who I'd rather date, but they're not lesbian. Idk.

I'm a bit confused because I've had many really close relationships with girls that never quite got sexual but were basically emotionally attracted to eachother. And I just wish for a moment I was a guy so that I could act on it.

Kind of changed the subject there sorry but that's how I've been feeling lately .

 

If you are turned on to that extent, then you're probably not straight. I don't think straight women would feel that way.

 

Yeah, I think so too.

 

Are you trying to sort out how people attracted to women would respond in that situation?

In my experience straight girls tend to feel disinterest or have a non-nonchalant attitude towards female nudity. Like "Eh, whatever" or "We all got the same parts here, nothing to be embarrassed about!". I had the same attitude before puberty hit. Some girls who aren't use to nudity might be a shy, but it's due to unfamiliarity or modesty values. So yeah, a lot of straight girls would think that would be platonic fun and no big deal.

I think people who are attracted to women are going to feel super curious or fixated, uncomfortable or panicked, or "Oh. Yes. Please!". When I've been in situations where women take everything off to change, I don't look out of respect but I'm fighting the urge to look. Like it's a struggle. I don't think straight girls struggle. If I ever was in the situation you described with a friend I found attractive, I would be in heaven and likely turned on. Or super awkward and embarrassed unable to look or totally fixated.

Does that help answer your question?

You say you were attracted to her, but you're not sure if you're attracted to women? I'm a little confused here. Are you saying you don't know if there's a sexual element to your attraction?

 

Well, I guess I'm just totally in denial that I'm attracted to women.. its a long story actually, I don't know. I've had so many crushes on women but feel trapped because I can't act on my of it because I'm in a hetero relationship. Over the last few weeks I've been hit with a ton of bricks because I realize I want to date women but I've never done anything more than stare in awe at a friend's boobs in a changing room, I don't even know where to start. I've only dated men and, honestly I'm on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend, we've had issues for months because I can't open up to him emotionally and put up a wall, I can't orgasm during sex ever and we've been together for a year, and as of the last week, I've had trouble unchanging in front of him and feel weird that I'm wearing boxers in front of him, i bought some and I really don't like the idea of going back to my regular underwear.

I'm having like, an existential crisis.

 

I'm going through a lot and my story goes back quite far, I'm trying to sort out my gender and attractions, I'm gonna post in the coming out thread I think.

 

Denial of tough stuff to work through, I've been there. One thing I've learned is to listen to that nagging feeling something isn't right, because your instincts are often right. Eventually you'll find the clarity you need. Hang in there.

That is a lot on your plate to deal with, are you taking good care of yourself? Like eating right, getting enough sleep, calming walks, fun with friends? Whether you break up with your boyfriend or not, maybe you should take a break from the relationship so you can breathe and get a handle on things. You don't have to make any major choices, just take a step back from things to get some objectivity. Do what you need to take care of your well being first.

If you decide you want to pursue girls, you honestly don't have to do anything. You can take a moment and enjoy life or take small steps in whatever direction you're comfortable with.

One of the things I did after realizing I was attracted to women is to simply notice how I feel. I notice how my attraction worked or didn't work. I took time to just explore myself.

I'm sure EC will be more than happy to give pointers too. Remember you're not alone

 

Hmmm. Just reading your story totally turned me on, but I'm questioning/lesbiain.

 

Thank you for the replies. I've had a tough couple weeks now because of how rocky my relationship is. I've known for the last year that I should go back home, be independent and start discovering myself. But I'm so afraid! Being alone sometimes really gets the best of me.

I really want to go home. I was happy, had a really great job and a support system for once. I'm in so much debt right now, jobless and broke, I want to cut my hair but feel like I can't... and for last few days I haven't been eating more than pop tarts and coffee. I've been talking to my mom and... it might just be time for me to take a break and sort of just get myself back to a healthy place. I definitely can't deny that anymore...

 

I am and it would. Now I'm just plain vanilla, whereas you are your own special flavor. But it sounds like you are asking whether a plain vanilla girl-liker would be aroused. Oh yes.

 

That sounds like a good idea! Going back home where you can get more support and comfort Stepping away from a relationship, even a bad one, can be scary or lonely... but those feelings won't last forever. You'll find new fulfilling and meaningful relationships with friends, family, and even a lover. Good relationships that will fill you up rather than leaving you empty.

Coffee and pop-tarts are delish! I can see why you're eating them! I wish I could eat just doughnuts and almond milk mmmmm but eating one type of food and drink makes it harder for our bodies and brains to give their best performance. Sugar and caffeine can put our minds on edge too. Do you think you can add other food and drink items to your diet? Even if just one thing? Your brain and body may thank you later

 

Hey, thanks for the reply. Your concern for me is not only refreshing, but really what I've needed right now. I've isolated myself from a lot of friends and family, and am living my life in the passenger seat. I just smoke tobacco and make coffee all day and have quit taking care of myself, and I'm frustrated with it. I used to eat so well, I was vegetarian and had more energy and vibrancy than ever. But here I am.. eating a bag of chips or pastries for lunch and laying in bed all day writing and crying. I had such an awesome lifestyle, and I want all that back. Baby step for now I guess. My partner knows I'm unhappy, right now I guess we are trying to sort through this pain as I pack my things...