Okay, So, I'm Questioning, But... I'm sick of it. It's never ending and it doesn't stop. WHY? Because everyone i know has no intereat in my. My personality is trash and very niche. I am always ALWAYS the submissive, o am socially awkward so relationships are hard for me. I get acared holding hands. I expect my partner to take full innitiative as i CANT. It cripples me spcially and mentally as i can't fogure out who i am in regards to emotional and sexual attraction. Secondly, Because of my identoty, people avpid me like the plague, and i hate it, as it leaves no room for me to really bramch out to people in my age group, which will jsut get worse as i take hormones becaus everything about me woyld look strange until it was mostly over. Third, when i go put in the real world,i'll still be a mostly antosocial person and i garuntee i will be livong by myself a majority of the time, if not all the time.Which also raises the question if i'm even capable of being ina relationship. I actually think that is a huge no... i have no capabilities to hold one in any way... and it ipsets me as there will always be this void in me,knowing that there is SOMETHING but i can't know what it is. I just hate it... i hate myself. I know that's extreme, but i'm just being honest. If i was in another person's position, and knew npthing about who i really was,i would hate myself. Luckily i know who i am, so i don't hate myself. I just hate how other's perceive me... which prevents me from growing as a human because i beleive EVERYONE perceives me the same as the next person. *sigh* But this is jsit a vent and rant... i'm not seeking advice or anything. Just screaming into the void of the internet. Though, don't hesitate to talk with me. I'm still a really sweet girl and i'm up for some chit chat! So... yeah... This is awkward now... ~Rose
I can relate to this... when I was 16 I was in the same situation, I had no friends and couldn't get any, I was awkward and unwanted. However, it does get better after high school, as people grow up and become more mature, they stop rejecting others at first sight. I got my first very good friends after high school (when I was 18-19). But, you can't be someone people want to be with if you don't even want to be with yourself. Which means you can't expect to be a good partner in a relationship if you hate yourself, so you need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. I don't really know how to help you for that since I'm in this process myself. I don't hate myself anymore, but I don't love myself either... I'm considering finding a therapist to help me with that, but I hate therapy... so I've been post-poning this for years... This is not easy, but it will get a bit easier after high school. Don't give up! If you need to talk feel free
I can make friends and i have... but it was very few and i have the ubderlying feeling most of the non-female ones jate me. Mainly cause the female ones respect me and my want to transition... And that may also play a role, is the fact i uabe not transitioned yet, so i can't really feel... gpod about the body i have. Though i willnprobabaly enjoy the male side of things for a bit. I don't have to deal with my body being objectified. There are alot of downsides to being female in a world like this but, there are downsides to being male. Males can't express themselves in the ways tjey want without being met with tons of criticism. The same can sort of be said for any human, but... Look at tomboys. They dress in men's clothes, but the second a man tries to dress more feminine, he is considered degreading. It's just not fair. But that's jsut a mini rant and really has nothing to do with my transition. I simply want to be who i'm meant to be... even if that takes a long time.
