I'm in my 20s and I now have wondered for many years if I am gay, bi, or sometimes even straight. Recently myself and my girlfriend of a year have broken up. I found myself sometimes questioning if I was into her sexually at times, but did enjoy sex with her many times, although wouldn't necessarily want it frequently. However I would have gay thoughts constantly as well which made things tough. If I fantasize about both genders, I find I am more attracted to men sexually. However, I have never really found a man in real life I'm attracted to in real life, when I feel attraction to women in real life constantly, but I'm not sure if that attraction is formed in my head. (I have also never thought about man in a romantic way and have no desire to ever). I can get off to women no problem, but fantasizing about men really pushes all my buttons and it "butts up" in my head frequently, more so when I'm alone. However I've accepted these attractions won't go away. I have also noticed if I'm fantasizing about women, it's always about women I know (and in situations that feel taboo with them), where with men it's more about the physical act of sex and their bodies, but never about someone I know. Also to get a little more descriptive, a girl's vagina turns me on less but I always like their butts (I.e if I can't get up right away from their vagina their butt will help with that)..sorry for getting descriptive. I guess my main question is, I miss my ex girlfriend all day and night, and really really care about her. I want her back, want to be with her, and cannot even fathom how jealous I would be if I found out she has been with another guy since me. She truly is the perfect girl for me if I am indeed straight. Is this normal to feel if I am truly gay? Or could it be cognitive dissonance of feeling like I'm losing someone really special. I just don't want to get back with her if I end up realizing I'm gay only to break her heart which is something I never would want to do. I have also never been with a man and have been considering it but for some reason I never do, mainly because I've never met one in real life that I would and because there doesn't seem to be any emotional attraction at all. Any advice would strongly help. Thanks everyone!
I can honestly see many reasons as to why I like both genders, which makes me think I'm bisexual. I would also say that some days I wake up and feel straight, and others gay..
Sexuality can be fluid, and that is ok I've seen a thread on EC about how a lot of bisexuals experience "tides" in which the amount of attraction they feel to a gender varies from a day to day, week to week, etc basis
Yes I've read that as well. I just don't want to be lying to myself because I know deep down I want to be straight so there's always motivation for me to try to pursue any attraction for that. But like I said I am pretty sure that sexually I prefer males, as when I fantasize they are able to turn me on much more and I will focus on their bodies and the physical act of sex, where with girls it is more about fantasizing about the person and less about their bodies. I hate being confused
However if ever out in public or outside the house, I have actually never gotten an erection from a man, not even once. (This could be because of a mental block I have where I will not let myself feel attracted to them). I have however gotten thousands, or maybe even millions from women if I am flirting with them or kissing/touching them. I just keep getting mixed signals on where my orientation stands.
confused155: a few things come to mind reading your posts - the mind can be very fickle, wanting one thing one moment, then another thing the next moment. e.g. U miss your gf a lot, but when you're with her there may be some ups & downs - u said sexually u prefer males. But u also say you've never been w a guy, u will not let yourself feel attracted to them. My sense is you're making decisions about intimate relationships w your head, rather than your heart. Intimacy is about the heart: who do u "feel" close to … who do u "feel" attracted to? I suggest trying something sexual w another guy, then re-evaluate. Try to get at the root of your thoughts about men. How much is cultural homophobic conditioning, that freaks u out… & is there any innate attraction to men? Realize that if u pick a guy to be sexual with, it may not be perfect or meet your fantasies, just like sex w your gf. - U'd be jealous if u found your gf was w another guy. U don't want to go back w your gf if u realize you're gay. The first part is jealousy, the 2nd part projection … but you're in your head again. - there are bisexuals who have long term relationships w both genders … tho not common. In essence, try to pull your feeling apart. Journal about this stuff - see which directions your energy goes.
Yes that is true, I notice I try to use my mind a lot rather than just what I feel. And I know I probably should try what it's like to be sexual with a guy but I may need to accept my attractions more. I will literally go for 5 minutes convinced I'm straight, to gay thoughts and convinced I'm gay, to straight thoughts again and so on. I guess experimenting is the only way to know for sure, I'm just scared that what if I like it a lot and my attraction to females fades away. I'm also not sure if I'm even comfortable to try anything with a man, because I have no desire to touch or kiss one, mainly just sex. I guess it's that I really care about that girl and would hate a future where we couldn't be together, when I feel like our souls are so compatible. It also depresses me when I think about being attracted to/with men, because there is no desire I have to have an emotional connection with one. With a girl i believe I would feel more of an emotional connection whereas with a guy it would be more sexual.
You sound a lot like me. For what it's worth, I call myself bisexual. But usually crush only on girls.
