I'm 58 and married for 31 years!

It doesn't matter how much you think about how it will go you can't plan enough. I disclosed about 6 months ago and she is still very shocked and scared about the future. No matter who you are it takes time for her to catch up to where you are. She's in a stage of denial which is to be expected and if she depends on you so much she's scared.

First off I'd get a plan together of how you are going to progress. Couples therapy? Planned times where you discuss things?

Where do you see yourself in the near future? Next five years?

 

I'm same age as you. Came out to my wife about 4-5 years ago. I think it's important to remember that you've likely had a very long time to process your thoughts and feelings. Your wife's reaction is normal I would say. She probably was caught off guard by your revelation and needs time to think about what you've told her.

 

I am 57 married 30 years and she discover d I was sleeping with guys around 9 months ago and confronted me in January . And agree with above , the hurt and anger is raw and new we had many many many years to come to wherever we are in regards to any type of understanding and acceptance . Open honest communication and knowing nothing was done with makice or attempt to hurt is super important . Trying to reinvent our life together with a new Normal and patience is he key

 

I came out to my wife 2 years ago and got through it with the help of EC and a support group in real life Today I'm single and living authentically as a gay man. You've taken the most important first step of coming out to your wife. In many ways it's the hardest part though you still face a roller coaster of emotions. Realize that you will gain strength along the journey by coming out to others and accepting yourself as a gay man. I'd suggest reading The Velvet Rage to understand how shame and internalized homophobia got you into the closet and how to start healing them. If you tackle shame and internalized homophobia head on, you will make rapid progress towards self-acceptance. This will require introspection and ongoing self-awareness.

I agree with the other posters that you've had a long time to process and accept that you are gay. She needs time to process and accept the news in her own time. Try to keep the communications lines open and listen to her concerns. The challenge for you is not to feel guilty about your decision to embrace your true self because of your wife's disability. It's OK to want a BF because that's who you are.

Zoloft doesn't fix homosexuality If you are clinically depressed, then you should seek professional treatment for the depression. Finding an LGBT or LGBT-friendly therapist will help you work through the various issues that you are facing. For many people, being in the closet made us more susceptible to anxiety and depression. So much energy is spent on keeping our secret. Once the secret is out, you will spend less energy on hiding and covering your tracks and become more resilient. Chances are good that your depression will improve once you see the path forward towards your life of authenticity.

Continue to participate on EC - you'll have good days and not so good days. You can achieve what you want with persistence and hard work.

Best,
SF

 

Agree medication will not change who any of us are , with my wife trying to get her to talk more and remove walls is key . Each time we have a tough talk things feel better. Ironically my wife always said infidelity once and we are done period that was black and white to her , that is until it really happened and here we are trying to work through it and accept my sexuality while finding a place of forgiveness for my infidelity. Time is our friend and I have no schedule of when this has to be reconciled as it is now our new normal