I have a question related to the so called "gaydar" and uncertainity about one's sexual orientation. If you get "mistaken" for or read as gay or lesbian by others (not heterosexuals), does that mean anything? I.e. in my case, a lot of people read me as gay. Not telling me outright or asking me directly but glancing, flirting, asking/hinting me about lgbt culture..etc. Things like that. I've read the arguement here before that it's because of the gaydar, i.e. it means you look or act gay and probably you are, and that's why people see you that way. So, is it true? Or is there some partial truth to it? Is it not true at all? What's your opinion and/or experience on this?
Hey Mino It's only true if you say it is. Do YOU think you could be gay/bi? Are you attracted to any boys or not? Sure it could mean something, but only if you yourself think they are right. You can't let others decide for you on this. You could just be a little more feminine but still be heterosexual. I had a friend who everyone thought was gay. And many people told him that. I think he got very confused and let other people tell him what he was. He came out as gay, dated 2 guys for a very short while, and then told everyone he was't gay but straight. It was years ago and he is still dating girls right now. Sure it was kind of a weird situation and people still doubt sometimes about his sexual orientation, but if he says he is straight, who am I to doubt that? My point is, you know yourself better than anyone else. If you know you are straight, good for you! If you are unsure, allow yourself to think about it. You will figure it out but don't let anyone else label you.
I'm a lesbian and nobody has ever assumed I was one. Straight or gay, I just don't set off anyone's Gaydar. So it doesn't always mean anything...your sexuality is how you define it.
I think I'm at least bi. I get attracted to women (as a women myself); I lower my voice and act chivalrous sometimes with some women. When I see out lesbians, I feel a kind of nostalgia for it. And I think I'm bi because I am attracted to women but also to men. However, I'm not sexually attracted to men that much. And I like to see movies and listen to music related to those themes, too. But aside from that, isn't there any truth to it (gaydar)? I think, in some cases it is just a coincidence but in others I don't know. A fisherman always sees another fisherman from afar. I wanted to know how others have experienced this. E.g. in your story, other people thought so, but he wasn't gay at all.
Oh I'm sorry, I assumed you were a guy and I don't even know why I didn't check your gender! Sure there are people who set off gaydars and often that will be right because sometimes you just feel it. But it's never a 100% right. Sometimes you assume someone is gay because of stereotypes, for example male dancers, female softball players, but you can never be sure. Just like Creativemind, I'm pretty sure that no one suspects I'm not straight, and now that I'm still in the closet for most people because I haven't figured myself out for a 100%, it makes it easier to hide it, but it can be very frustrating as well because other gay girls all see me as straight.
Also, I feel like gaydar is less accurate when it comes to women. I say this because there are straight women out there that are tomboys, that are overly affectionate or even flirty to women. Hell, some even sleep with women and can still call themselves straight. No one bats an eye. Likewise, a lot of actual lesbians may be feminine or shy in the dating scene. So although people still use gaydar with women, it is less accurate in a lot of cases. It's easier to misread signs and signals with women. I've known a lot of lesbians who are convinced a straight woman is gay (when she isn't), yet they can't read any vibes from me since I don't look or act stereotypically gay. I actually have a cousin who is a lesbian, and she is closer to the stereotype. We both came out to each other at a party. She was wearing men's clothing, had a short buzz cut, looked like a dude, and was drinking beer at the party. I was dressed in a frilly pink top, had long hair, and had fruity, girly drinks. I could have probably assumed she might have been gay from stereotypes (but I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't either). She was more surprised that I wasn't straight. So I guess as a lesbian, even she couldn't tell. Plus, another thing is that I am very shy and conservative (meaning that I dislike talking about sex lives and rarely am attracted to anyone) and I don't make eye contact with girls. So I get read as a typical straight girl since people assume that lesbians are crazy sexual and kinky all the time (yeah....no).
Thanks for your replies. Of course, stereotypes are not always true and sometimes they are for some people. If there are more experiences anybody would like to share, please do so.
Actually, I'd say that it's less an issue of the fictional 'gaydar' (which tends to be based on often-inaccurate stereotypes) and more an issue that sexuality flexibility is more accepted (especially by guys) among women. Thus, I would propose that more often than not, unless a woman outwardly presents with the stereotypical 'butch' behavior associated with lesbianism, people (again, especially guys, are far less likely to assume/presume/pre-judge a woman for being other-than-heterosexual. Just a thought.
I don't seem to have very good gaydar unless it is painfullyobvious lol. I have noticed two women at work giving me a whole lot of eye contact which I return with a big smile and notice it makes me feel nice inside. Not sure if they are gay or not I guess it could be the case of recognising one of their own. I really don't understand women that much and I have never acted like a typical one. YesterdayI allowed myself to dress very tomboyish at work that is when I had a moment with one of the women, she was on her way going down the hall from the bathroom and I going in (this is where we see each other most lol). She smiled and gave me eye contact and gave me butterflies she is very attractive. Anyway I was wearing black vans skinny jeans and tshirt baseball jersey with 3/4th sleeves. I was worried that it was not appropriate for work but we are allowed to dress down on Fridays. My coworker (female ) said I looked cute and she is straight and very girly. I decided to dress the way that makes me happy and as a way to say yeah maybe I am gay so what lol. But I dressed very butch in my younger years and didn't consider myself gay or bi. I'm sure people had their doubts except I had a boyfriend.
And yet guys seem perfectly fine judging other guys. But yeah, there are a lot of straight guys that find girls kissing hot for some reason. And I mean a LOT of guys.
Seriously? Guys are, well, guys. IMO Bi guys have a much better perspective than most cis-hetero guys, at least in terms of how sexuality influences things. So, why is it 'hot' for straight guys to see two women kissing? I would argue that it's for similar reasons, although (to be painfully honest, guys tend to be MUCH more shallow) it's probably for much the same reason that many lesbians like to watch gay male porn as opposed to contemporary lesbian porn.
I have to agree, most straight guys are very shallow. It makes it hard to find enough of them that make good, understanding friends because of it. But anyways, yeah idk why but pretty much all the popular / attractive hetero guys where I live talk about how hot they find it when they see 2 girls kissing at a party. It is kind of peculiar to me.
Straight people find the opposite sex attractive, and two people of the opposite sex are hotter than an "ugly same sex person getting in the way" to some of them. There are even a lot of straight women who think It's hot for men to kiss or have sex, though most of them prefer yaoi/anime stuff over live action. Likewise, a lot of straight women think lesbians are gross/creepy, but think it would be awesome to have a "gay best friend". It is common for someone to be homophobic toward their own gender, yet fetishizing toward the opposite.
Yeah, ^ this. But, as a Bi guy, I have to often wonder whether or not at least 'some' of the attraction of seeing romantic/sexual contact between opposite sexes might indicate a level of bisexuality among monosexuals who choose to identify as homosexual. Just saying...
Probably depends on their reasoning. I can think straight couples are cute, but It's cute in the extent that I like seeing anyone in love. It doesn't really turn me on, though. It's sort of like how I think It's cute when owners have pretend weddings for their dogs. I'm not into bestiality, It's just an 'awww, look at how happy everyone is' moment. Edit: I think the few times that I am turned on by heterosexuality is more in regards of a transgender/autoandrophile fetish, though. Usually I end up seeing myself in the POV of the male, sleeping with the female as him. But the male person does not attract me nor do I see myself in the eyes of the female. I just "turn" into the male for a while, mentally.
Whoa! First of all, I've seen bestiality and there is nothing that seems remotely sexy or appealing to me about that. Second, why would you compare this discussion to bestiality? I'm not making accusations or accusing, I'm simply wondering. Having said that, I THINK what you are saying is that you simply empathize with the feelings and the intensity of the personal interactions. Am I wrong? Or off-base?
LOL I'm sorry if you took offense, that was not my intention! I'm just saying that when I like looking at a couple, it isn't necessarily a turn-on or something I'd want to do in my personal life. The animal thing wasn't the best comparison, but it wasn't meant to be loaded or to accuse of anything, it was just meant to imply that neither thing is linked with my sexuality for me. I just like looking at couples in general. Sometimes they are smutty, but usually with plot involved and no real attraction. But I can understand your confusion because I know a lot of lesbians who drool over guys and think "guys are hot but wouldn't sleep with them". I don't get that either. I'm closer to a 6 on the kinsey scale, which I believe is more rare for women. I found that out when I couldn't relate to most lesbians (who I believe are mostly 5's). I think a lot of 6's and 0's also have the confusion of why straight/gay people sometimes find the other sex attractive.
No. No. No. I took absolutely NO offense to anything you said, Creativemind! I totally respect and accept your opinions. You are a great person! I apologize if I somehow made it seem otherwise! You and I have always been very much on the same sheet of music here on EC and I would never intentionally offend you!
You all are seemingly talking about heterosexuals' "gaydars" and them, finding lesbians more acceptable since they are male and vice versa for heterosexual women. But what about gays or lesbians identifying or thinking of others as gay or lesbian? Like, how do you think about that? Is their "gaydar" more accurate or also weighted towards wishiful thinking or something else.
It's not always accurate, no. A lot of gay people have wishful thinking and assume everyone they are attracted to is gay. It's called projection.
