Hi Guys, So I need advice here because I can't ask my parents. I just downloaded ###### and was talking to this guy and we were gonna hook up, but he was getting turned off by me being all worried if he was gonna be a perv or something weird would happen. I was able to talk him into meeting me another night though. What do you guys think? He's actually younger than me according to his profile. I'm a virgin and would love to have my first sexual/romantic experience at last, but I'm still nervous since I've never met this guy before, even though he seemed really sweet, even when he was getting put off by my constantly asking him if it was ok if I bailed on him for some reason. I just want to make sure I don't get robbed or raped or anything like that. You guys think I'll be safe or is this a bad idea? Please give me some advice! I'd really love to meet this guy, but if all of you say this is a terrible idea I won't do it. I should also note the building we'd meet in (my place) has pretty tight security and is pretty safe.
Meet him in a public place first, with a friend watching preferably. Somewhere where you can make sure he is who he says he is and make sure that friend knows where you will be going. I would advise checking to make sure he didn't bring drugs with him (rohypnol etc...) but I'm not sure how you can manage that. Make sure you have safe sex. Don't let him do any bdsm stuff like handcuff you because you forfeit all control over the situation.
I'll be meeting him out in the open in front of my building. There's a security guard there and everything. I believe he even needs to show id before properly entering my building.
Oh good. That means you are probably pretty safe. Just make sure you have condom and stuff at your house (if you are willing to go that far).
Hey alainbeaux, I would advise you not to do it. Sex for the sake of having sex is rarely good in the longrun. If you read through the numerous posts here on EC of guys who just hooked up in order to have sex for the first time, the majority of them regretted it in the longrun and were disappointed with themselves. And, let's be honest. You can't have real a romantic experience with someone you've never met before and just hooked up with online, so this would only be about the sex, right? And what is the hurry? Besides that fact that you won't be comfortable because you're still so deep in the closet in terms of your family don't you think you will be distracted and unable to really get into it and enjoy it anyway? Just the hesitation you showed in talking to this guy and even asking him multiple times if it was o.k. if you bailed on him seems to scream a warning that you are not mentally prepared to do this. My 2cents.
Actually, sex isn't necessarily what we'd do. He's more into cuddling and making out apparently, maybe a bit more, but I'm not necessarily planning on having sex with him. Do you think that makes it a bit more excusable? I just really want to meet this guy so badly.
Also, I honestly feel that having some sort of sexual experience will make my sexuality seem more concrete to myself and help me gain the confidence I need to some out. Does that make sense?
The question you need to ask yourself is "What do I want?". You can ask all of us and we will give you our opinions, but this really is about you. What are you hoping for from all of this? I think you need to clearly define your intentions because you have made some slightly contradictory statements in this thread already and if you go into a date with conflicted ideas it could set you right back to square one.
O.K. He says that he's more into cuddling and making out. (How does he define making out?) But you've never even met him, so how do you know. Does he have any STIs/STDs? Is he NEG or POS? There can be risk of transmission, depending on what he considers 'making out.' How can you realistically enjoy being romantic (even just potentially cuddling and making out) with someone that you've never even met before and may never see again after this (as tends to be the case in many hookups off of these apps)? Ultimately it's up to you. If you do this, I truly hope that you have a great time. For some people the best way to learn is by doing. And, yeah, the bottom line is exactly what PatrickUK said. What do you want/expect to get out of this?
I mean, his profile lists he's totally free of any std and the like. Honestly, what I would hope to get out of this is just an intimate physical experience with someone. I'm so desperate at this point, and this guy at least sounded really sweet and sincere. I feel as if everyone my age this experienced this years ago, and I so desperately want to spend at least one night with a guy. Even if it just means falling asleep next to each other.
If you want to actually be really intimate, does he want to date you? You could just get to know each other and there are people that find friends / boyfriends this way. It ultimately is up to you, if you really want to meet the guy and spend time with him because you think you can enjoy it, even if it is just cuddling up on the couch with another guy watching a movie and sharing popcorn, then go for it because what makes you happy is the important part.
Hey alainbeaux, I will only say that doing things out of 'desperation' usually leads to bad choices. I've read many of your posts here on EC, so I know that you're a very sensitive guy and you are still dealing with issues surrounding your sexuality, such as some internalized homophobia and the hurdle of Coming Out to your parents so that you can live life as an openly gay man. What is the rush to experience some physical same-sex intimacy? Wouldn't the overall experience be much more comfortable and satisfying for you if you first resolved those issues and found yourself a real boyfriend with whom you could work to establish a mutual, warm romantic and sexual relationship? Just saying. But I wish you only the best with whatever you decide to do..
Are you still living in Los Angeles? I only ask because you seem to be restricting yourself to using apps which are notoriously bad for seeking real dates with genuine guys. In a city the size of LA you'd have so many opportunities to dip your toe in the LGBT scene and meet some truly decent and genuine people who could really help you and boost your confidence in your sexuality. Using apps could send you the other way. I'm not suggesting it will definitely happen that way, but if you want to explore your sexuality more, it would be better to make some LGBT friends first and take it from there, don't you agree? You've told us what you are hoping for, but what about your fears?
