not been on in a while. Life has been tough for reasons I don't need to go into, just life. As a result I scuttled back to the closet. Doing my best to ignore my sexuality and not being a nice person to those around me. You'd think I'd learned my lesson. Anyway trying to get back to the point I was at with my self acceptance.
Hugs, always, I'm here anytime you need a friend. I'm glad to see you check in, I've been wondering how things are for you. It's hard to work on the massive things involved in self acceptance when you also have other huge curveballs. What can we do to help you get back to those things that helped you accept yourself? What made you feel a bit of acceptance before?
Thanks folks. I just felt the need to say something 'out loud'. It kind of snuck up on me and lots of stuff seemed to pop into my head (guilt at my treatment of people!) appreciate the kindness and love
I feel the same way. Last year I felt liberated but that feeling is all but gone now. I put my foot out by saying i was bi to my wife and we have explored a bit but I feel like it's a non topic to her and to me its so deeply confusing. I totally get where your coming from and feeling like your back in but the thing is just as you did I came back for more support and insight and I'm sure we will both find it someway
It was like things got too much so I returned to the 'default ' straight mask I could hide behind. I even stopped reading the lgbt stuff at work
That default mask is hard to keep off when it's been the face for so long. It's hard to un-suppress these things after they have been bottles for so long. I need strength myself for the same thing
I've been having a lot of what if thoughts. Regrets maybe a better way of putting it, wishing I'd been more accepting of myself when I was younger. They suddenly came into my head and it's all I can think about. I guess I just need balance
I totally get it. I feel like I've been there most of my life; there's just too many crises going to get to think about yourself or what you need, it's all just survival, and you can forget having any space to think about your actual quality of life. It sucks. And it's not as simple as just "don't do that." Not everyone has the luxury of getting to nurture themselves. I hope you get the space to be yourself.
Thanks lilin, hope you do too. I think the hardest part is when the feeling pop up unexpectedly. I'd not really thought about my sexuality in fact I'd shut off that side completely then walking down the street I see a guy and I'm like wow he's cute, and the floodgates open with all the emotions
Shame is a powerful emotion. It is brought on from heteronormative and homophobic messages which is pervasive in society and which childhood through adult expsosure embeds in us. Your responsibliity to yourself is to work through the shame, understand it, and learn to manage it. If you do, you can progress on your journey towards self acceptance, self esteem, self worth, confidence and loving the person whom you are. The key to unlocking your true self is dealing with the shame.
I understand too. I also haven't been on the forum in awhile. I know I'm gay (I haven't talked with my husband about it). I'm at a standstill. This place sucks. What is ligit? All I know is that there is no right
I think I could deal with anything except career stuff with respect to being out. It's scary to do something that will affect financial livelihood if you're career is such that you can't be out. But really that's the only thing that would scare me. I'm feeling that everthing else is just people's opinions and disapprovals to which I'm happy to say "f**k it."
Totally. Like, the moment all the other crap calms down enough for you to feel calm for 5 seconds, then all the issues within yourself that you haven't dealt with for years or decades just butt in and ruin it! It's either forced external crisis, or the crisis of dealing with the cost of having to bury your feelings all the time. It's such a low level of existence, for me. I feel like I'm not even living. I'm just surviving, like some mindless animal. Once every couple years, things calm down a little, and then I get hit with everything. All the grief, trauma, and also my suppressed attraction. I try to deal with it, but then life kicks me in the teeth again and I have to shove it all back in the closet so I can focus on keeping my joyless existence going for no particular reason. I don't even know why I bother with it a lot of the time.
