Hello friends! (*hug*) I'm moving to a new city shortly, and I'm worried about making gay friends (and hopefully finding a special guy!). I'm pretty shy, and while my current situation going to university has helped me socialize a bit, I'm worried my chances of meeting the right guy will be so much lower in the working world. So I've never done apps before because I don't want to just hook up. I feel that apps are inevitably shallow because they rely first and foremost on images of faces and bodies to attract interest from other guys. When you use an app, you pretty much judge and discard people based on their faces and physiques before getting anywhere near those deeper layers of character and intellect--if you ever get there at all. I agree that physical attraction does play a role, but I see this approach as an absurdly unbalanced way of evaluating people. So those are my feelings on apps. Despite that, I'm worried that apps may be the only way to meet a lot of the gay population in this new city. There aren't a whole lot of LGBT groups and events there--at least, not easily discoverable on the internet--and I know that there are probably a lot of gay guys who don't go to those things anyways. I'm planning to get involved in groups and activities I'm interested in and hope to meet a few gay men that way, but that's certainly no guarantee. This morning I found an app that seems to lean more towards socializing than just hooking up, but it still has the same issues I talked about above. So what are your opinions on dating apps? Or maybe dating websites? Have you ever got a relationship out of one?
Would not recommend, unless you just want to have a casual sex, especially for us LGBTQ people, actually even for everyone too. Dating apps just don't get you into a serious relationships. A real-life friend who later becomes your other half would be a better one.
Yeah, many people are looking for hookups. there are a few good people out there, but you have to use a lot of discretion, or find the more closed circuit apps or sites.
Hi jamescool, that's what I have always wanted to happen, but I'm shy and don't make friends easily. Maybe I'm just panicking because I'm leaving all my friends behind, and I should just try to calm down and be patient...
I haven't exactly had a good experience with dating apps. Most of the time, I get no response from people I message, or I get messages from much older men. Adding to that, one guy that did respond ended up being underage, so I didn't want to go anywhere with that. So basically, I don't like dating apps, but maybe I just haven't found the right one. Groups and Activities would probably be better (although I havent gotten a relationship that way either, so I can't speak from experience, although that's because I'm a shy guy and have never been to groups like that anyway). Also, I'm curious, what app did you discover?
Can we say names of apps on here? Seems like every time I see a post with an app name, it gets replaced with asterisks. I checked the forum rules and didn't see anything about it.
Yep, patience is the key. Not everyone would be compatible with you, remember that. Me, I believe in fate. For making friends, you can try to go slowly. Make a friend, hang out with him together with his friends, with this way you can get your circle bigger. Of course, imo, not having a LOT of friends is a good thing too, as people in the society nowadays are not that good.
Hello, Nope, posting the names of the apps is against the rules. We have young members here (13+), and that could encourage underage members to seek those apps (even if it against the rules of most apps). Furthermore, it could be used to identify users off-site, which is covered by the CoC as a rule violation. So, yes, it is fine to discuss topics about the apps here, but not to mention them by name (that includes obvious tips, like, instead of mentioning the "Chiroptera app", saying "Oh, you know that app with beings with "Chiro"?). TL;DR: Just avoid mentioning the names.
Okay, I appreciate the guidance! Maybe that rule should be made more explicit on the conduct page? ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2017 at 01:54 PM ---------- I agree with you, jamescool. I'm not someone who wants a huge friend circle. I prefer a smaller core of true friends I can rely on--maybe even just two or three people. My family used to fill that space, but then I came out... Personally I don't believe in fate (like I used to). I don't believe there is one person I'm destined to be with and that I just have to wait until he comes along. I'm certain there are many, many good people out there that could potentially be "the one" for me, but I have to put myself out there to find them. And that, right there, is what has shy little me worried.
I made a big mistake of setting up an account on a social app(not so much dating) a couple of months ago and the amount of requests for sex I got made me want to throw up.... minus the request from this one guy who was actually really cute. :3 Long story short, those apps for dating and finding local friends is just a huge hook-up place for sluts to gather. Some POS even stole my pictures and used them on a fake profile.. so yeah... stay away from those places...
Aww. How old are you? That's why I really don't want to come out to my family. I can't think of anything good that I can get if I come out to them.
They stole your pictures?? That's awful! I'm on a variety of dating apps and sites, which has only succeeded in lowering my self esteem from "Eh, it'd be cool to stay alive" to "Fatal if mixed with alcohol? Hit me with your best shot." I get hit with couples, or "my boyfriend says I can have a side toy" or "I'm looking for an anniversary present for my husband, want to have fun??" or...I'll get *no* responses. I agree with previous posters...many (not all) have a purely sexual agenda, sometimes with multiple strings attached.
Meetup.com is a great place to meet friends. There are all sorts of different groups focused on activities, and in most larger cities, there are a bunch of LGBT-related activities. As for the apps... I wouldn't bother. According to one of my friends (who uses them for hookups), if someone says "Not interested in hookups"... those are often the people *most* willing to hookup (they are just ashamed about being promiscuous) so... it's pretty pointless to even try. There are a couple of websites that provide compatibility ratings for friendship as well as romantic relationships, and you can have some success there... but even then, gay men on the whole tend to be pretty disingenuous about friendship; many will say that but then expect that it will become sexual. I think that's a byproduct of difficulty with emotional intimacy. So on the whole, I think you'll do better with activities rather than with apps or websites focused on one-on-one meetings.
I've never used them but I do have quite a few friends who will dabble in it. They use them to order up sex the way you would order up Thai food. Chip's comment about the "not interested in hookups" line is interesting. My gut reaction was always: "well, that's going to bring out the real predators". I guess you can put me as a vote in the no camp--but with no personal experience to back it up. The apps weren't a big thing back when I was single (you know, dodging dinosaurs and all that) but I would have people try to pick me up online and I never really saw the point--I could go out and meet real people and talk to them in person to do that, the other just seemed strange to me, still does. As far as the whole sort of widening the circle thing(meeting the guys who don't go to events) my main advise would be to actually make friends, not just dating. In my experience out gay guys have pretty wide and active friend groups. I've met probably thousands of guys over the years because they were the friend of a friend. Good luck with the new city. Moving is exciting. It provides a sort of unique opportunity to be the sort of person you want to be, unencumbered by the sort of person you happen to have been. Enjoy it!
I'm 27, but I came out to them five years ago. We still had a relationship, but for the first four years we just didn't talk about me being gay, especially while I was still living with them (I moved out for school two years ago). Then recently, during a visit at their house, I forced the issue because I realized that the silence was eating away at me and causing some major damage. Well, my parents told me point blank they didn't want to know anything about it and would never welcome a boyfriend into their home. While that was a really upsetting conversation, it has ultimately done me lots of good because I was finally able to stand up to them and make my position clear. We have a more balanced, adult relationship now and I no longer feel the fearful compulsion to hide anything from them. Eventually, though, I'll start dating and they'll have to either deal with it or lose their son. I'm not confident, but I think they might come around with time. I guess we'll see.
Dating apps are used almost exclusively for casual fuckfests, so you wont have much luck there if you are looking for something serious. Finding someone IRL is also difficult, as one's gaydar is rarely good enough to be able to tell at a glimpse, and even then you'd have to deal with the fact that only about 10% of the population is available for you to date. Thus, there remains luck, real life LGBT gatherings (also fuckfests, for the most part, especially those in universities) or online dating outlets. Online dating sites tend to be alright, but stay away from apps.
I've only done it being straight, but I'm not a fan of dating sites at all, they are horrible self esteem eating places. I would often change the settings so I would be invisible to anyone more than 30 miles away and likewise on my searches. As to be honest, if dating sites let us be picky about a person's appearance, job, hobbies etc then I want to be picky about location! So then I'd search...Dave in Newcastle wants to meet you! Sod off Dave, you're 100 miles away and i dont want you to come here and show me a good time thank you! The whole thing is basically like being in a club full of better looking, more up for it people than me...and if you try to approach someone yourself, they just walk away. I think that's why I'm crap at dating, the whole process just seems soul destroyingly awful!
