Any other folk out there reluctant to the idea of "presenting as" a gender? I like to go with what I aesthetically like on myself, which often is femme... I don't really feel like doing literally anything about my gender, but I'm upset that I can't say anything apparently, because the moment is always bad, and that nobody's going to take me seriously or consider man enough if I don't adjust to some narrow standard. It always seemed natural to me that femme stuff looks good on female bodied folk, and if you watch how I behave, I do behave, well, dudely... Maybe not like... cars and football, but in terms of other things... I'm just upset nobody sees that and they treat me as if I was feminine. The flip side of the coin is that I don't want to come out all the time, because it's exhausting, I wish I could just read more masc than I do. Why is it always me to not be able to prove something and have social difficulties?
You wrote down, what I'm dealing with and what seems to cause all my troubles. Thank you! I wish we would overcome gender and passing. Just like you I wanna dress how I like to dress, wanna look the way I like but get constantly reminded by parts of the society, that it's gender - nonconforming and therefore wrong, ugly, inappropiate. The point is, my look is no statement, I don't even feel a gender and I don't understand why there is a consensus how Men and Women have to look like, how they have to walk, sit, behave. I hate that there is a need to pass/to match a definition, otherwise you're weird, wrong etc. I hate that based on gender-stereotypes I am labelled and again and again have to explain myself. There are days I lack the strength to do so and choose a look, that's more 'female' to stop people assuming I'm a lesbian (negative image for many people; even some lesbians dislike "a lesbian look") = not female = obviously not good looking = not a real woman = have issues. Based on my look people often assume I "want to be a man". I hate that... it's wrong, I love my body and it's insulting: It says a woman cannot look the way I do. I wish there were no rules how you have to look like as a woman or as a man. And that there would be no need to pass as a gender. Not to be able to prove something and social difficulties, as you wrote, are not your faults. It is terribly exhausting, it's insulting (it touches your identity), it's judgemental. It's those peoples faults. I guess their construction of sexes and identity is very fragile, that's why they need thoses rules. Anyway that doesn't make it easier... Big hug Michael.
I totally feel. I came out to my friends and I told themm all I wouldn't really be changing my style much and still wear makeup and stuff sometimes and I get questions from them sometimes like "you still trans?". It's extremely frustrating. I don't get why people can't just wear and do what they want
Totally. Don't know if my reasons are quite the same as your's, but anytime I've tried to go out ~passing~ as a guy I was super uncomfortable. Not necessarily with the presentation, but feeling like I had to prove something or being overly concerned with how I looked in other people's eyes. It's certainly made trying to experiment with gender expression a little difficult lol. Generally I've found trying to parse out how people think about you for anything, not just gender, is a recipe for running in exhausting mental circles though Hugs to you if you don't mind them. Sounds like it's been really rough!
It's my first day here, and time and again after reading these posts, I'm blown away by what I'm reading and learning. For example: just today, in the shower, I'm thinking to myself 'Okay, so I guess I'm bisexual. I mean, I have been for a while, I guess. I'm questioning my sexuality. But my gender identity is different from my sexual identity, right. Yeah, they are different concepts. I'm questioning my sexuality, that's all. Nothing else is in question. I mean, I'm still a woman. I have a female body. I don't mind that. I don't always dress "feminine" enough, but so what. I feel more comfortable in pants and shorts, instead of skirts and dresses. I'd wear T-shirts and tennis shoes every day, if I could.' That was the conversation with myself today. I am so deeply ingrained within societal norms that I've never asked myself these questions. And honestly, I really think I was a man in another life or something. I'm to "aggressive" and "angry" in my emails, when if I were a man, I'd be seen as a go-getter type. Wth? A little bit frustrated here, that's all. Everything is new, and I feel like an infant trying to figure out the world from the beginning. Peace out for tonight.
