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Dating an Asexual

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JustABisexual, Jun 7, 2017.

  1. JustABisexual

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    I am dating an asexual. Seems like a normal thing, except occasionally I'm struggling with having a sexual attraction to him and not being able to express it to him. Any advice?
     
  2. Gravity

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    I think in many ways this is a fairly cut and dry situation, as it would be with someone of any identity or orientation. If you're comfortable not having sex with your partner, then by all means continue in the relationship. However, if you're not comfortable with not having sex with your partner, then this may not be the relationship for you.

    To clarify, I'm of course talking about sex as a general rule or not - obviously, one or both people in a relationship will occasionally not want to have sex on a given night or whatnot, which is fine. But sexual intimacy is also an important factor in a relationship for many people, and it's perfectly acceptable to seek out a relationship in which you are satisfied on that level as well.

    Having said all that, I also realize that you're currently in a relationship with this person, so obviously you feel close to them in some ways. It's probably not going to be as easy as "this works" or "this doesn't work" - but I do want to emphasize that both your needs are important here.

    Do they know how you feel about this? Have you talked about it before? If not, it might be helpful to clarify both of your needs in the relationship sometime soon.
     
  3. YinYang

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    Talk to the person if you're struggling. Trust me, talking about things makes everything so much easier. Make sure he knows what you're feeling, and be open to his point of view as well. Work something out so both of you can come to a compromise. I hope things go well :thumbsup:
     
  4. enbybean

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    as an asexual person (but one who has sex) i always told my partner that they could express their attraction to me in other ways. through messages. if they were "taking care of themself" and thinking about me. if they liked something i was wearing and made them feel a certain way.

    sometimes, i'd be like, "dope! let's fuck!" and other times i'd be like "i appreciate you saying that, but that's all i can do right now". sometimes, we'd just have phone sex because intimacy was too much for me to handle. or i wasn't interested in anything else at the time. there's nothing sexier than adaptability/flexibility, that's how you have the most fun!

    but for physical stuff, i loved sensual stuff, like massages, kissing forever, heat/friction, but not penetration-type stuff. it took me a long time to work up to it and only wanted it sometimes. totally depends on person-to-person. lots of different kinds of attraction to work with!

    of course, discuss it all with your partner first. but that might help!
     
  5. JustABisexual

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    I appreciate all of your comments, it helps me a lot. I do truly respect that he is asexual and I'm fine with not having sex, but at the same time, I wish for that intimacy with him. I've spoken to him a few times about it and he said he would rather it be him than some other person as he wouldn't feel comfortable about me doing that. However, whenever he says that I always feel like he sees himself as an object for my use if need be rather than someone with feelings that I respect. I don't want him to feel as though as I am using him and so I might talk to him again about it and ask what he would feel comfortable with, if at all: do you think that would be a good idea?