As I sit here this mornng listening to the birds, I feel pretty good about myself. After finally saying to myself that yes I'm bisexual and coming out to all the great people on EC, I am happy with who I am, but like most LGBT people I'm still struggling with some issues. Do I come out to those closest to me, what will they think of me, will I lose everything and everyone I love? I know that most everyone would probably be very excepting, but it is still a very scary thought. And even if I never come out to friends and family, I know that I will be happy just for accepting who I truly am.
Have you considered first of all "coming out" to people you didn't previously know? I realised and said to myself that I'm gay, only a few months ago, and the only people I've told since then are other gay men that I've met. The most accepting and understanding people of all, are bound to be other gay (or bisexual) men.
I am a strong believer in making yourself vulnerable as a critical part of fully embracing yourself, building self esteem, and loving whom you are. Coming out to people is just a part of the process of making yourself vulnerable. While your at peace with your sexuality, I am sure you still have many unanswered questions. And while embracing your sexuality was difficult in of itself, what you described you still need to do is actually an extensive process in of itself. I discuss vulnerability a bit more on my EC Blog, and you may want to take some time to read some of it: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/onthehighway/14596-vulnerability-closure-letting-go.html
Thanks. This is great advice. Now my question is where do I meet other gay or bisexual men I could come out to? I'm not trying to be facetious; I really don't know any other gay or bisexual men to talk to. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2017 at 09:16 AM ---------- I definitely understand what you're saying, and it's great advice. I didn't mean to say in post that I'll never come out to people close to me. I just know that I'm going to have to do it little by little.
Do you live near a big city in Texas? If you do, research local LGBT community centers near you. See if there are social LGBT clubs that match some of you interests, if there are LGBT sport leagues that you like then check those out, or consider volunteering at LGBT focused charities in your area. Finally, see if there are local Meet Up groups that you can attend. All of these you can search on the internet for your given area.
I don't think u need to tell anyone you're bi, although telling them can be a self disclosure. Your honesty can bring u closer to them. Sometimes they will self disclose to u, something they ordinarily wouldn't say, since you've opened the door! Sometimes telling others can be a way of reassuring yourself - u want to make it public! Straight people don't go around saying they're straight. U could say it's more risky to say you're gay or bi. But from another point of view, they're comfortable w who they are, & don't need to broadcast it. Same w u - if you're comfortable in your shorts, u don't need to publically label yourself. Another aspect is that people generally pick up on who u are. They often sense if you're 3 or more on the Kinsey scale, so u don't need to tell them. Sexuality is generally a private matter. It is often gossiped about. Disclosing your sexuality makes it more likely that you'll be gossiped about. Gossip is an objectifying style of communication, not kind because the person is not present. Therefore many are discrete to protect themselves.
Thanks, I'll do that. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2017 at 09:49 AM ---------- I guess this is how I have always felt. That it doesn't matter really who knows, but that it's important for me to accept who I am above all else. And yes I'm finally comfortable with who I am.
I was in exactly the same situation, so I fully understand. What I did was search the internet for gay bars in my area, then went to visit some. To ease myself into it gradually, the first time I went into a gay bar my intention was to just go in for one drink, then leave. It does feel odd being in a gay bar when you're not used to it. Of course being in a bar doesn't mean you need to buy alcohol. The first person I struck up a conversation with in a gay bar, was drinking soft drinks, and turned out to be a teacher in a reputable private school. This highlights another thing I've found, which is that you tend to get people from all walks of life in gay bars. In addition to being places to drink alcohol and pick up other men, gay bars also seem to serve as one of the few places that gay men can be openly gay, e.g. kissing their friends when they meet them. So unlike bars for heterosexual people, gay bars also serve that purpose. The first topic of conversation I suggest is, what are the gay bars like in your area. I've found the ones with an older clientele tend to have plenty of gay men ready and willing to talk.
I agree with this as it seems a bit contradictory to me to seek the approval of others in order to build self-approval. I've decided to disclose such personal information on a need-to-know basis ... for example, were I to find myself in a serious relationship with another man where we would be interacting with others as a couple. Others feel a great sense of freedom and release by "coming out" to everyone, to which I say more power to them! But that would be against my character.
