Me and, we’ll call him “Jake” have been friends for about 3 years, we met in a class we had together. I’m 23, and he’s 21. Last year, I started developing strong feeling from him out of nowhere. Before then, we spent a lot of time together. We would hang out and do a lot of random stuff together. I’d cook dinner for him or he would cook for me. He would crash at my place all the time. He knows that I am gay and he’s completely fine with it. We even spent Valentine’s day together. When we would hang out, he would always find excuses to touch me or sit close to me. He would rest his head on my shoulder when were on the couch and he would also hug me a lot. I mean guys show affection in a lot of ways, but for a “straight guy” this was getting weird. I would catch him staring at me if I’m sitting across from him, or even in class. The majority of the time, I would catch him and he would look away, but there have been a few times where I would catch him and he wouldn’t look away. We were in the backseat of my roommate’s car one day and randomly he took his hand and put it on top of mine. I looked at him like “what the heck are you doing”, and he looked at me, smiled and didn’t move his hand. I moved my hand away, but I literally melted lol. A few weeks later I told him I was getting a vibe from him and I asked him if he liked me. He told me that he wasn’t “bi”. I thought that was a weird response, but changed subjects, and that was the end of that. Around that time, he started dating this new girl, which they are still together, but nothing seemed to change once they started dating. He was still around and we continued to hang out like we always did. Fast forward to this year, when I started dating this guy and “Jake” started acting completely different. I could tell he wasn’t a fan of this new guy. One night we were texting and he told me that I could do so much better than that guy, and he doesn’t understand why I’m always dating guys that are 4s or 5s. He said that and it caught me off guard, I just didn’t reply. He texted me back the next day and said that he hopes that I’m not mad at him. He then goes and says that he only wants the best for me? :dry: This was about three months ago. I had a birthday party and invited Jake over, which he brought his GF over. They’ve been together for about a year at this point, but he’s never brought her to any parties or events that I’ve been at. Now that I think about it, that was my first time meeting her after almost a year. She was told me that it was nice to finally meet me. She was telling me that he talks a lot about me, I joke with her, and say “Well, I hope they’ve all been good things.” For one, I thought that was weird, that he’s never brought her around, and my first interaction with her, she talked about how much he talked about me. Secondly, even with her around, he was still super touchy, so much that my roommates made some comments about it. It was totally awkward, he kept hugging me and his girlfriend was giving me the death glare in the corner of the room. :eusa_naug I’ve had these feeling bottled up for the past year or so about him. I care for him and I like him… a lot. He’s ridiculously smart, super ambitious, goofy and genuinely a sweet guy. We have so much in common it's really odd. I've never connected so much with a person like I do with him. Well, yesterday, after one too many margaritas I finally told him everything and how I felt. He asked me how long have I known and when did I know exactly that I liked him. He then goes on to say that he’s “flattered” that I like him and that it’s “nice to know that I’m attractive to both straight girls and gay guys… kinda reaffirms that I’m hot” I’m thinking to myself – WTF, dude really??. He then goes on to tell me that he isn’t going to let this affect our friendship. I asked him if this was one sided or did he have feelings for me too, and he told me that "he’s glad I had the courage to tell him, and that it makes him think that we are that good of friends." Again, totally avoided answering my question, then he says that “he’s really going to miss me when I leave, and before I do leave that we have to go on an adventure together". :bang: I do cherish our friendship and I didn’t want to tell him, but for some reason, it’s been on my mind so much lately and I almost felt compelled to tell him. I think part of the reason why is that I’ll be moving to the east coast soon and we won’t be close. I do feel better now that I’ve told him, it’s like a weight has been lifted off me, but it’s still bugging me and i've been thinking about it since then. I need some advice, I’m not sure what to do, I mean.. I don’t want to be a dead horse. But I honestly felt that he liked me. I don’t want to throw away our friendship, but I also can’t keep being around him and have feeling for him, it’s not right, especially since he has a girlfriend. I’ll only be around for 3 more months or so. What do you all think? Do it sound like he liked me, or was it all me? Where should I go from here?
Hi Alex2017, I understand how difficult this is for you. I have received mixed signals from someone who was very dear to me. He would get close to me in 'non-straight' ways i.e: hugging me often, making sure I was okay, etc. Then I've made the crucial mistake of chatting up one of his friends, I did it out of a mix of rage and jealousy because he started ditching me for another friend, which really hurt me. Anyway, it wasn't the same for us since. We still hung out, sometimes he'd even try to get close, but when he saw me happy to be with him, he brought up a 'girlfriend' of his. I haven't heard of her since, but he still tries to get close to me, which is really unnatural as he claims to be 'straight'. Anyway, here I am waffling on about my story but what I'm trying to say is that I'm in a similar scenario. The best thing I would recommend for you to do is to try and distance yourself from him, to try and loosen up the tension between you. However, there are signs that he has feelings for you, namely avoiding answering your questions, wanting physical contact with you. You told him that you are gay, so he knows that you might feel something for him when he treats you the way he treats you. You should discuss your feelings for him while not being under the influence of alcohol. He could have avoided your question because he could see that you were tipsy. When you're sober, you'll show him that you are sincere in your feelings towards him, and might get a different response from him. If he still acts the same way around you, then you should consider letting him go; it's unfair for you to have to put up with him tormenting you in this way, and they best way for you to get over him would be to distance yourself from him. I know, it's difficult and it sucks, but if he doesn't return your feelings, or is not ready to, then you shouldn't waste your time hoping that this might work out somehow. That's my two pence, hope this helps.
you and me are in a pretty similar situation right now. I mean like you and me are going through the same thing his name is even Alex. It really is so fucking confusing because he gives you these singes and he just denies it. I understand but I'm new to all of this.
Hey alex2017, I would just offer a couple of thoughts. It seems like “Jake” is either bi/gay and deeply in the closet or even personal denial of his own sexuality or he may very well be straight, but be one of those guys that ‘gets off’ by flirting with and getting attention from gay guys (as he seems to have admitted during that conversation yesterday). Either way this puts you in a bad position because he’s messing with you emotionally and there seems to be no chance of this developing into anything romantic between the two of you. I would ask you to consider that the most direct way to deal with this would be to cut off contact with him. However, it is clear that you like and greatly value him as a friend. So, perhaps you could have a heart-to-heart discussion with him and set some boundaries on your friendship such as no touching beyond normal limits (normal being a handshake to say ‘hi’ and/or ‘goodbye’ or a friendly slap on the back from time to time). Of course, if the two of you are going to be separated by distance in a few months, the situation should resolve itself at that point. The question is whether or not it bothers you enough between now and then that you need to set those boundaries with him.
