My mom and I have never gotten along. She has always favored my sister and I have always been closer to my dad. That's just the way it is. Lately, I feel like those two things are becoming stronger because I'm out to my dad who accepts it and not my mom, and my sister is gong to college in a year. My mom has always been extremely hard on my sister and I about our grades, but harder on me. Last year, I came out to her as bi, and she made me go to a Christian school as well as cut off all contact with any of my friends. So at that point, I was depressed and literally had no friends because I wasn't allowed to talk to them. I have always made straight A's in advanced classes until this year. I made two B's. No big deal, right? Wrong. She started screaming at me and saying she didn't understand why my grades were so low (Two B's guys) and asking me if I was trying to get back at her for what she did to me last year (I might be doing the latter subconsciously but idk). I have been having a very hard time forgiving her for what she did to me last year (Including copious amounts of varying insults, asking me, "What is wrong with you?", and pushing me up against a wall). I just don't understand why my sister is the golden child and I'm the black sheep. I made two B's; causing me to get screamed at, told that I was throwing my future away, and told that I wasn't going to get into any colleges. She either thinks I'm brilliant or a complete imbecile; she's either pleased with me or furious with me. I can't do this anymore. Support and/or advice would be gladly appreciated...
Well, first off, you said "pushing me up against a wall." Was that literal or figurative? If the former, that sounds a heck if a lot like child abuse. Second, it seems to me like less of a "possibly" and more of a "definitely" homophobic mother. And third, I suck at advice, but if you need to talk, I'm usually around
Splitting is actually one of the nine symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Splitting is a very common defense mechanism in people with BPD, leading sufferers to view others, themselves and life events in all or nothing terms. I'm not saying she has this, I am not a trained professional and I'm assuming you aren't either but it's interesting...
Sorry that I don't have very good advice, but I'm here to listen. Just to remind you, none of this is your fault. As implied by IDontKnowJoe, your mom most likely has some sort of personality disorder. My father is very polar emotionally as well and shares alot of behavioral similarities with your mother. (hypercritical especially with grades, plays favorites-he resents me when he is reminded that I'm not a son, and gets angry at my brother for being autistic) In my case, I'm lucky that my dad got a job in a different state so I don't have to meet him often. The best solution is to find a way to avoid her (stay at a friend's house, and perhaps explain your situation with a sympathetic trusted adult) or ask your dad to get her some help with therapy or something.
thanks IDontKnowJoe and Skittlz. my parents are divorced so yes i could technically go live with my dad but he works a lot and i can't drive so i have to wait a year before i can live with him
Hi! I'm so sorry to hear what you are going throught... No one should ever have to live like that. For your grades, if she made you cut contact with all of your friends, it's pretty obvious that they will go down along with your mood. I've been trying to find a suggestion to solve your problems... but it's not easy. I'm not a professionnal, and maybe there's something a lot better than what I'm suggesting. I don't know all your background but I'm trying to think about what I would do if I was in such a difficult situation. So, I don't think you can hope to change your mom's behavior anytime soon if you did not exagerate in what you said. But since your dad is comprehensive, I think you should try to stick around him as much as you can, and distance yourself from your mom, at least for a while. I don't know much about your personnal situation, but are your parents divorced or still living together? If they are divorced, are you old enough to decide which parent you want to live with (in my country you can decide this at 14 years old)? If they are still together, does your dad truly realize what your mom puts you throught? It seems stupid, but sometimes parents can be blind for those kind of things. I think a good talk with your dad would be good so you can explain to him how you feel and try to find a solution together to get all this negativity as far away from you as possible. As a teenager you definitely don't need to be exposed to such things and for your well being I think you need to get away from that situation. I hope everything turns out well for you! If you need to talk you can write to me! ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2017 at 06:06 PM ---------- Don't you have a friend that go to your school that you could get a lift from? Or bus transports? Bike? Scooter? Anything? There must be a way? If you can go live with your dad, that would be much better for your well being, even if that means it's more complicated or long to go to school for a year. These type of inconvenient would still be much better than living in a toxic environment.
In the US you can decide at 13 but I play 3 sports and I don't have many friends on the teams except one of my friends on the swim team that can drive and would be willing to help me. I cant live with him because he would have to take time off work to get me
Huumm... I agree this is quite problematic That's a shame... However, keep in mind that none of this is your fault, and don't let anything that your mom can tell you make you feel depressed or worthless. If that's the case, save money and buy a scooter, get help from the children protection services, or figure something out with your father to get out of there, I'm pretty sure he could take time off work for a couple of months if that can save you from a depression. Don't bargain with your mental health, it's one of the most precious thing you've got.
Don't be a lamb in a oven. You either tell her how you fell like really how you fell or you run away and get attention. You have to stand up for yourself. Fuck her don't let her limit you. If she doesn't accept you well.... Fuck her.
