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Hey There, I just wanted to say. I'm gay! because I have no one to tel too.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by StuckInNarnia, Jun 4, 2017.

  1. StuckInNarnia

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    I'm 23 years old. I realized I was gay when I was 18. I think I found out about it late since I thought being gay wasn't really a thing. I wasn't a homophobe god no! depite having Muslim family i was always open. one of my best friends came out and I told him I was lesbian as a 'joke' (was it really a joke?) well he thought I was joking to make him feel better. Even I thought I was joking but when did I actually figure out and how? when I was younger I always 'joked' I was lesbian and mind you I really didn't know at the time I was. maybe my subconscious did.

    but I got so used to it as a joke that when I try to tell people that I'm serious I get stuck. now my whole family are Arab Muslims. but I'm thankful that I wasn't born in an arabic country. I was born in the Netherlands which has gay rights and all that bass. but that isn't an issue. I'm still afraid because 1- I have literally no friends. 2- I literally can't move out of the house because I'm caring for my sick mother so I can't go out there and live my life. (which at first I didn't really care for it, thought that I wouldn't need love in the first place) 3- I'm an arab.

    and I always see 80% arabs. if they find out my family will know it too. then my mom would get sick. if my mother was a strong woman I could have told her she would accept me. but she's so far into religion that she'll probably get sick by just the thought that her only daughter is 'sick' anyway I literally have a lump in my throat just now--- anyway i Just rambled what was on the top of my head now because I'm so tired of not telling anyone how I feel... so hey IM GAY IM GAY IM GAY IM GAY!! --- well it's not like I feel better by typing it since I have a word document filled with those words but still.. I just feel like I want people other then me know that I'm gay...
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey StuckInNarnia! Welcome to EC!:slight_smile:

    I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation, but I'm glad that you understand and accept your sexuality. I hope things get better for you!
     
  3. swimmingfly

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    What's good? Love the username!
     
  4. SchizoBurrito13

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    Hello! I'd say i'm also gay, but not quite lol
     
  5. BothWaysSecret

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    Hi! Welcome to EC. Clever username btw.
     
  6. AbsoluteNerd

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    Welcome. Good luck with that tough situation
     
  7. DusDogs

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    Hi,
    I am also from the Netherlands, and I have some tips...
    There is a thing called COC(Dutch organisation for gay rights and all that stuff), google it, sure that can help.
    Do you have any not Muslim relative/ people you know? Try talking to them or make some friends, maybe by using the above.
    Maybe at work?
    You live in Amsterdam, One of the most gay friendly citys in the world, I am sure their are some other gay groups there that you can join, maybe even esspecially for Muslims. Just google, words like Gay Muslim group Amsterdam etc.(but then in Dutch of course)

    Sorry, but I can't help much more, I am not born in a Muslim family so I don't know how that community works, or how their view on the world is... And homosexuals...
     
  8. Sepina

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    Welcome to EC Forums

    I'm sorry you're going through this (*hug*)

    Love and Light
     
  9. StuckInNarnia

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    I'm new I don't know how to reply to each one of you. I'd like to thank you all for replying and wishing me luck. also thanks for the compliment on my user name lol . (!)

    I will check out the COC.:icon_wink and yes it's true Amsterdam is one of the most gay friendly cities!:lol: bad thing is I also kinda have social anxiety and currently with help trying to get out there. :thumbsup: I'm planning to go next month to Gay Pride for the first time in my life. I'm very excited about it. maybe I can try and make friends there. it's really helpful I'll Google the organizations you mentioned! @DusDogs
     
  10. skittlz

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    Hooray!!!! Congrats on coming out!(!)

    I hope everything turns out well :goodluck:
     
    #10 skittlz, Jun 5, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2017
  11. BothWaysSecret

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    To reply to each person individually, just press the "Quote" button in the bottom right corner of their post. It will recreate what they said, as you can see above, and then you can place your response underneath of that. Hope I've helped.
     
  12. Bidon70

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    I'm the same here. I know exactly how you feel.
     
  13. StuckInNarnia

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    thank you, it certainly did help :smilewave!

    ---------- Post added 6th Jun 2017 at 04:38 AM ----------

    it's hard isn't it? I'm not even ashamed of who I am. I'm just scared that people will be ashamed of me and curse me further. it's like Im stuck (hence my username lol) at first I had struggles due my religion. but now my religious beliefs has shifted so I'm over that obstacle.
     
  14. enbybean

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    hey!! welcome to EE, hopefully we can give you some sort of community that you're looking for. while my family is not arab, it took me many years to admit to my mom my true gender. she had all this cultural prejudice. so, for over two years, i worked with her (without her knowledge) to challenge her thoughts on gender identity/expression.

    every time trans issues would be brought up, i'd prod her a little or asked why she felt that way. i had friends come out and have to fight her on pronouns. i constantly brought up the example of my younger brother doing typically "feminine" things as hobbies, like sewing, etc.

    eventually, i felt it time to come out to her. it was still a struggle, but she was leagues less prejudiced and i also knew all her arguments before she said them.

    not sure how this could apply to you, but sometimes patience wears off and knowing where they actually stand as people is very helpful for coming out.

    have fun at your first pride!
     
  15. Mark1410

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    Welcome on EE!
     
  16. StuckInNarnia

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    Hey, Thank you for your kind welcoming words.

    I also have tried and talk with my mother on various subjects. my mother is actually a very kind and sweet lady. (as all mothers are) in her lifetime she has had many gay friends. and with that I always thought that my mom was special in someway.

    I'm kinda proud of my mother in a way, so I always feel the need to tell this whenever I get the chance. as to convince myself that she might accept me. although she might accept me ,she'll probably want me to get married with a man in the end.

    as a kid I was 8-9 we lived in this (group house, it's like a shelter for the homeless, but the homeless that get money) coincidentally there was month where it was Ramadan and they said we could use a (backyard house) to eat on a different time because there are arranged times but there has to have at least 5 people participating.

    so this gay couple said they'll participate in that month so we could have our time and that was such a sweet gesture. my mom always let me play with them (so she never thought they were 'pedophiles' like the rest of my family) so my mom isn't that judgmental I'm really thankful ... although my mom might be a tiny bit racist (like don't get married with a foreigner)

    but sadly she does think that we are sick. she thinks that the only way to be gay is if the child has been raped or something. when I asked her about why two men are married she just said. "I don't know, maybe because they love each other although I don't understand it" she was just honest about it, and new the possibility of it being love. I was still small at the time but she didn't tell me. "don't talk to them, they are the devil."

    she even let them 'babysit me sometimes.' so I started to start with small things with my mother. telling her about feminism. because she wants me to be a respectable virgin housewife. who cooks and cleans and be the calm one in the relationship and listen to my misogynistic husband. my mom could relate since my father is a dead beat anyway. and as it turns out my mom is just ... doesn't know. but she is a POWER woman. raised me single mom. worked. and was the in depended woman. she used to wear mini skirts and people thought she was an actress. so she understands... but just not for her daughter.

    thankfully she's open minded someway. it turns out I can even make sex jokes around her which is weird! of course not the overly graphic once. but I like when she covers her mouth like a teen a giggles.

    but over all. she's cool with anyone. but she doesn't want her only daughter to be a lesbian.

    like you said. it could be applied to me. but I don't think she's ready for that. although I have this tiny feeling that she might suspect because I'm overly argumentative when it comes to gay rights, and not wanting to get married. (it's a miracle that I can even talk about this with her. I can't hope for another one.)

    (I just realized how much I have written, I suddenly feel so talkative. if you read this far. wow you are amazing :eusa_clap:eusa_clap )

    Again thank you for your kind words.