Hey everyone! I have a bit of a problem. I have a boyfriend who loves me a lot but I am having serious plans about breaking up with him. I have talked with my friends and family about it and that gave me some good insight but perhaps random people from the internet can give a more objective opinion (*hug*)The thing is that I really don't feel a lot for him anymore and it really really really sucks because he is such a good guy. I also really feel like I am very calm around him which sounds like a good thing but for me it feels like I am holding myself back because subconsciously I know he finds me cuter when I am calm. He never says it or forces me to be calm or anything but it is really a thing I do because I want him to like me more which sounds really weird but again it happens subconsciously. We also don't have a lot in common and with that I mean we have almost nothing in common. We basically watch netflix and that is about it. We do go on walks in the forest and we can talk about serious stuff but I never do anything with him that makes me super exited even though I get super exited really freaking fast We also broke up 7 months ago because I had kinda the same feeling but I also really wanted to experience the "single life" since he was my first boyfriend and he was the first person I ever did anything with. I came to the conclusion that the single life wasn't all that great and that I really really missed him so after 2 weeks I begged him to take me back which he did. It went really well for a while and we did some cool stuff together like go to germany (we live in the Netherlands) but then after like 4 months we both got doubts again and even though those doubts did go away they are back again now.... I know it sounds like I am just an annoying teenager who is being too emotional and not ready for anything serious but the fact is that I am actually pretty responsible and I really analyse things before taking action (which may sound arrogant but that is definetly not my intention..). I am just so afraid that I will never meet a guy again who loves me like he loves me. He really respects me and I respect him as well. On paper everything seems so great but there is really something missing. I really can't see myself in a relationship with him for much longer but I am so afraid of the future. Does anybody have anything useful to say about this whole scenario? :help: I am sorry if I sound really emotional and annoying I am just so freaking confused with my life right now...
Do you just not share any interests? If you don't have something you both know you love already you can try new stuff together, like sailing, painting, wrestling classes, archery, literally anything. You could both learn to anything that you both end up enjoying and it will give you a long time experimenting with stuff before you even have to start repeating things you like. It basically sounds like you two never go do things that are new to both of you, which I think would be a super huge help to your relationship. Also, you don't have to be super crazy, but try and get him to have a little bit more of a goofy time doing wierd, quirky activities, it will allow you to express your energy more without interrupting your relationship.
Aww, being in a relationship doesn't mean that you must have the same interests as your other half, or having something in common! Being in relationship means you are willing to sacrifice yourself for your other half and vice versa, sharing good and bad stuffs together, love spending time together, it's like a best of the best friend of yours, your soulmate. As you said in your post, he does love you. Is it just that you don't love him? Always consider it carefully before having a relationship, as breaking up with someone who really loves you really hurts him, and might changes his views towards other people in the future.
Thanks for the replies! The fact that we don't share a lot of interests is not the main issue though... It is mainly that I have lost my feelings for him. Not sharing a lot of interests was always a small problem but not a dealbreaker but now that I focus more on what we do than just the fact that I am with him I notice our differences more. Different isn't neceserally bad of course but it sometimes just feels like we are incompatible... I think he is really attractive and on top of that we always understand each other but that is it. I always thought relationships were more than this. Am I just being irrational? Shouldn't I feel love when I see him? Shouldn't I want to see him at least as much as he wants to see me? Shouldn't I love him similar to how he loves me? Because right now we are totally out of balance since he is showing his love for me nonstop while I can't give him anything unless I fake it... It just feels like there is something missing...
oh well. I think that for the sake of both of you, you need to end this relationship. He will get hurt and he might get extremely angry since you broke up with him once for the exact same reason, but think of it from his point of view for a bit. How would you feel when you loved someone so much, and that person wasnt even sure if he wants to be with you anymore? it just sucks. Also the fact that he let you go away to live the single life and then he accepted you back is a huge mistake in my opinion. He put his ego down and then he stomped it again because you changed your mind and here you are again wanting to break up again... I also feel like when you break up, you might immediately regret it...this whole situation is almost identical to what ive been dealing with my boyfriend... There were days where he was like "i love you so much" and days where he was like "umm i dont really know what i feel at the moment" It's one of the most annoying and heartbreaking things a partner can ever hear in my opinion. Please try to talk with him about it, ask him how he feels the future of this relasionship and what he wants to do with you, it might make you feel a little better...:/
Hey marcus1275, Have you discussed any of this with your bf? Constant, open 2-way communication is key element to any relationship. Something to ask yourself is why you got together with him and became bfs in the first place. And then what really drove you come back together after your first separation. Hopefully your relationship has more of a foundation than the idea that you simply didn't want to be single. And, what is it that might have changed in your relationship which led you to leave him the first time and is leading you to contemplate leaving him again? You have to remember that real relationships require constant effort/work from both partners. They go through ups and downs. Perhaps it would be worthwhile for the two of you to see a relationship counselor, if both of you are willing and really would like to make your relationship work. Just some thoughts.
