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Do bisexual men like feminine gay men?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by walnutwhales, Jun 2, 2017.

  1. walnutwhales

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    Question for bisexual men: Are you more attracted to masculine or feminine gay men? (Or even feminine bi men)

    I've been curious ever since my boyfriend came out to me as bi (although he doesn't wanna consider himself bi, he said he does experience sexual attraction towards women) and I was curious about what type of men and women he liked. The female celebrities he named were very feminine but assertive/strong independent types (he mentioned Ariana Grande). And the male celebrities he named were gay and had very feminine features or were even drag queens (he mentioned Troye Sivan). Whatever gender it was he was just attracted the femininity of both genders I guess. And then he told me he sees me as feminine which i never really thought about.

    So I was wondering if other bisexual men have similar attractions? I understand there will be slight differences in attraction toward the masculine and feminine features of people for bisexual men but I'd like to hear people's thoughts and feelings on this topic.
     
  2. Humbly Me

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    I don't like feminine guys and I'm bi, but I really I think it's probably a personal taste thing. I only like the really feminine look on actually female people, and I like mediumly masculine guys, not like super body builders but dudes with muscle. Not really sure how to describe my preference for personality.
     
    #2 Humbly Me, Jun 2, 2017
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  3. Angus44

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    Personally I am attracted to more masculine guys overall but I think there is also a clear distinction between personality and physical characteristics. What I mean by this is that I am attracted to a more masculine personality, but some of the physical features I find attractive could be classified as more feminine. Interesting question and I'm looking forward to seeing how others respond!
    -Gus
     
  4. gravechild

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    If you mean feminine in terms of expression, personality, body type, then yes. I think traditional, "manly men" are pretty boring. On the other hand, I've always liked androgyny in both men and women.

    Perhaps some bisexual men think it "doesn't count" if they limit their attractions towards those they deem as being "basically women"? Then again, some feminine gay men have surprised me, being tops and/or being quite dangerous with their words! I find that a turn-on, for some reason.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    I am not bisexual, but the evidence we see from bisexual postings here indicate that levels of attraction for the spectrum of masculinity to femininity is no different for bisexuals than it is for gays or lesbians. We each have our own preferences. Some bisexuals prefer a more masculine man, some more feminine, and some have no particular preference and it would depend upon the person.
     
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  6. Chiroptera

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    Different people like different people. Some bisexual men like feminine men. Some don't. Some people like cake. Some people prefer pizza. Others like both.

    In my case, for example, i usually prefer feminine men (my ex-boyfriend was almost "stereotypically feminine"), but my attractions to men aren't limited to that "type".

    Long story short: If you are worried about this, relax. Humans are diverse, and there are different types of people with different tastes. It isn't like "X are attracted to Y and not Z, and that's it".
     
  7. walnutwhales

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    Thanks for the replies!

    I forgot to mention I was trying to get a POV from bisexual men who like to be the dominant one or top in the relationship. Because dominance is tyically (from what I learn in school) associated with masculinity and submissiveness with femininity in our current society. Of course I don't think that's correct or should stay that way but anyway

    I'm really more in the realm of looking at dominant bisexual men find attractive in partners (most commonly) because I understand everyone is different in every way. But yeah I just was curious if my boyfriend's sexual attraction towards the femininity of people was common for dominant partners or if it really is just one of many different cases within the bisexuality spectrum. He's only recently come out to me as bi so I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all.
     
  8. Humbly Me

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    I mean, I still think it is realistically a taste thing. And many people have relationships where they don't feel the need to have a dominant partner, so this only applies to a very select group.
     
  9. Chiroptera

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    Again, that's the stereotype, but reality is much more diverse.

    I was more masculine than my boyfriend, for example (and i guess we can say i'm stereotypically "masculine"), but i prefer to be submissive. He, on the contrary, was really feminine, but prefered to be dominant.

    Don`t focus on stereotypes. Sure, the majority of people may act like X, but there are always people who aren`t part of that stereotype.

    In your situation, is your relationship facing any problems, or maybe you are overthinking your boyfriend`s orientation because he is bi? Have you talked to him about you being worried?

    If it helps, i recommend reading this link: http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Bisexuality
     
  10. gravechild

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    I'm okay with being dominant, but variety is nice. Hmm, you do see more "straight" and "bisexual" men going for feminine gay men. There's also this belief that being the "top" means you "aren't gay" *shrugs* Not too many femmes go for femmes, but masc masc pairings are all over the place. Overall, I probably find more bisexuals are into "traditional" men and women, often times excluding transgender folk.

    Oh, and Chip also said once that early in the coming out process, many bisexual and gay men find themselves looking at and going after feminine men, and in time start opening up to being attracted to different sorts of men, so you might say its a bargaining stage for some.
     
  11. walnutwhales

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    To be honest I'm just really struggling to figure out what he wants. He's very masc stereotype. But he's not like those types that struggle with internalized homophobia because he really identifies as gay, and he's very open minded and understanding. And I did have a talk with him last night but it left me very confused, because he's also really confused about his sexuality. He tells me he thinks he would like vaginal sex better than anal sex which kind of scared me because I don't have a vagina and can't provide him that experience. Although he says he's 100% sure he wants to settle down with a man for the rest of his life. I know he's confused but I'm also confused because I'm afraid I can't give him what he wants.

    So I was trying to figure out if it would be more satisfying to a bisexual guy (who leans towards men but is attracted to femininity) if I embraced my more feminine side Not saying I'll change myself but I have always tried to keep up a masc/straight appearance/personality for society.

    But honestly I'm probably not even thinking straight because I'm just scared about losing him and probably thinking of irrational solutions. I like hearing everyone's opinions! Thank you so much :slight_smile:
     
  12. I'm more into feminine men because they usually are better at expressing their emotions. Just my preference.
     
  13. Shorthaul

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    Yes. Though it depends on the guy in question, some fem guys pull it off a lot better than others. Same with more masculine, muscles are cool, but the flat billed ball cap, aviators, and 2 sizes too small polos are a giant turn off.
     
  14. Humbly Me

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    I agree with the ball caps are a turn off thing... A lot...
    And pretty much any cotton type fabric polo turns me off. Stuff that is more elastic/silky isn't so bad as long as it fits.
     
    #14 Humbly Me, Jun 3, 2017
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  15. scxred

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    This is your relationship but it seems like theres a red flag. If he prefers vaginas then im sorry but he prefers women and hes only with u/men because he probably thinks men are easier to date. but at one point he might fall in love with a girl and he might want kids

    ---------- Post added 4th Jun 2017 at 12:07 AM ----------

    Also ask him why he thinks he would prefer vaginal sex?

    ---------- Post added 4th Jun 2017 at 12:11 AM ----------

    What exactly do u mean by this lol? so if you met a transwoman who u thought was super pretty and you fancied her and was turned on.. youd reject her cos shes nt biologically female.. explain exactly what u mean by "actually female"
     
  16. Humbly Me

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    I mean I don't like the male in female clothes but still has a fairly male body shape thing. If you look like you are really female and are still a male I guess I could still find you attractive...

    Also, I disagree with your statement about his boyfriend probably prefer if females. He might sexually prefer them typically, but it is very possible that I could end up with a girl even though the large majority of people I find attractive are guys because I can still find them sexually attractive and really enjoy their personality.
     
    #16 Humbly Me, Jun 4, 2017
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  17. walnutwhales

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    sorry idk how to quote multiple posts yet :icon_redf here are my replies

    @Myclosetisfull:
    that's more accurate. He doesn't feel romantic attraction to girls. and as far as he knows he doesn't quite prefer sex with girls either because he hasn't done it so we can't really say yet (if it ever ends up happening) that he prefers it or doesn't prefer it. (However he feels strongly he might prefer vaginal sex if ever encountered) But he does know and is positive that he does like the whole sexual experience with guys better because he does lean towards men i'd consider him like a kinsey 5 on the scale.

    @scxred:
    Well that's where it gets confusing (even for me! even though i understand what he says he wants and i trust he's being honest)

    so what i've found what he likes is men. he prefers men over women in general. i asked if he could put it into percentages so i could understand a little better he said 70% into men (romantically and sexually) and 30% into women (only sexually) so that knocks out my fear of him leaving me for a woman and having kids (he also says all the time he doesn't want kids). So it's not that he thinks men are easier he just couldn't see himself falling in love with a woman (and yeah i've considered exceptions and said to him 'well what if you meet a woman one day you feel romantic connections with??' and he said he's positive it won't happen)

    however for whatever reason he LOVES the image of a vagina (only in porn though). He loves it even better on a trans man. I even asked if he liked all the different little parts of a vagina (the labia, the overall look of it etc) and he said yes. and i asked if he felt like there'd be a difference to them if he were to have vaginal sex (obviously i already knew a vagina and anus were completely different i just wanted to know his personal opinion) and he said he said a vagina just LOOKS like it would feel better than anal sex. and he said he fears that if he were to try it he would like it better than anal sex. And to be completely honest... I'm like 90% positive he really would like it since biologically vaginas were designed for sex and to make its male partners feel good.

    So personally I'm just afraid he'll like the type of sex I won't ever physically be able to provide and that we'll spend our lives together but deep down he'll secretly be unsatisfied. Because I love him and I don't want him to feel this way. I've considered compromising like telling him if it would make him feel better I'd let him have sex with a girl if he ever felt he needed to get the urge for the first experience out of the way. Of course I realize there could be consequences (like he'll constantly be wanting sex with a girl rather than with me, or somehow change his mind and make him realize he can feel romantic feelings for a girl)

    And other compromises I considered were dressing in drag or something to have sex (which is why i originally started this thread) but i know that would be really desperate looking and over the top, and that he's not overall as interested in the cis female appearance compared to male. Just the vagina vs anus aspect of it leaves me scared and confused about what he'll want or need sexually in the future.
     
  18. usatanhani87

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    It really really depends on what you mean by feminine, it's hard not to imagine a stereotype. Do you mean in clothes? Personality? Looks? If you're talking about a sweet sensitive guy with pretty features and long hair who's soft spoken and likes stereotypically girly things like, I don't know, baking? Sure I could go for that. We could have a pajama party. I like masculine traits too though, there's something hot about in charge stoic personalities that can fix your car and has big beefy arms that just wrap around you. I like the best of both worlds, but again these are kind of stereotypical.

    My celebrity crush right now is Dan Avidan, he has a beautiful voice and can hit all the high notes in Take On Me. He's just a super cool laid back guy who I can't imagine being mean to anybody. Is he feminine? I don't maybe a little bit, he probably doesn't think he is or even cares, he's got his own style.

    I never heard of Troye Sivan before but I looked him up and he's adorable. Do you consider that feminine?
     
  19. Mark1410

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    As said by many others here, it's just an esthetical factor. If it depends from me, i wouldn't mind if my partner would be too much masculine or too much feminine, the matter would always be being happy and in harmony with whoever is by your side.
     
  20. walnutwhales

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    Haha yes I would consider Troye Sivan's physical appearance as feminine.
    And yeah femininity as a whole stereotype like soft features not necesarily long hair but deifinitely facial features, personality, and a more submissive type in relationships.
    I guess overall
    feminine = soft & delicate
    Masculine = strong & rugged

    Of course I don't believe femininity or masculinity is really associated with gender anymore just individuals now