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Relationship is falling apart because he basically cheated on me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ScottRhys, Jun 1, 2017.

  1. ScottRhys

    ScottRhys Guest

    Hi all.

    I'm currently with my boyfriend of 7 months who up until now I have been quite happy, likewise he seems to have been.

    Before we first started dating, months before we were 'talking' and having sex, leading into the relationship zone. However, a month after this occurred he ghosted me.. stopped talking to me altogether and blocked me on everything. I can not describe how much this hurt because I loved him then like I do now.

    A few months after he ghosted me, he returned to me. Telling me he has been confused about things and basically wanted to give me another shot. So, we gave it another shot, and have been in a relationship for 7 months now. He tells me that he loves me pretty much every hour of every day and honestly does seem to love me.

    I've never brought up why he ghosted me before, I didn't want it to ruin our relationship until recently... I plucked up the courage and asked, he told me that in between the months he didn't talk to me he'd had sex with two other guys and it started two weeks after he stopped talking to me completely.

    Finding this out has crushed me, literally I love him so much and didn't want to believe that he could leave me so harshly and do that so quickly. We both broke down, he told me (he physically got down on his knees and begged) that he loved me, wanted to have a future with me, buy a house and get married. I got him to tell me everything and I am trying to move forward, He said he was never in another relationship during the months he ghosted me and that he stopped talking to them ages before coming back to me.

    Just out of plain curiosity, today I searched up one of the guys he slept with on Facebook to find out what he looked like.. what he had that I didn't have.. and to my disgust, I found out that my boyfriend has liked one of his pictures that was posted just after he started talking to me again. I'm not a freak with dates, I only know this because the date the photo was posted was coincidentally a day that I was admitted into hospital and he came to see me on that day.

    This means he has been lying to me again. I don't know what to do... I've brought up a lot of stuff over the past few weeks as a result of me finding all of this out, and I don't want to keep pestering him with questions because we pledged to move on. However, I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eye and think that he was still talking tot he guy he slept with while he come to visit me, his boyfriend, whilst in hospital with a heart condition.

    Do i confront him?
     
  2. smurf

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    This is my personal opinion, but I don't think people should be banned from talking to past hook-ups or ex boyfriends. That is incredibly controlling and speaks more to your own trust issues or insecurities, rather than him cheating on you.

    I would invite you delve deeper into this feeling.

    Why does it bother you that he talked to him? How does it make you feel?

    Get to the root of the problem, instead of the symptoms. For example, if someone was sick and they were coughing because of it, then you screaming at them to stop coughing won't solve the problem. Make sure you aren't being mad at the coughing, focus on what is causing it.
     
  3. ScottRhys

    ScottRhys Guest

     
  4. Humbly Me

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    I think that, unless you think he is still cheating on you, you are over reacting. Being friends with someone you hooked up with in the past doesn't me they were non-platonic friends, it just means they are friends and probably were even before they had sex.
     
  5. JonSomebody

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    QUOTE:

    Finding this out has crushed me, literally I love him so much and didn't want to believe that he could leave me so harshly and do that so quickly. We both broke down, he told me (he physically got down on his knees and begged) that he loved me, wanted to have a future with me, buy a house and get married. I got him to tell me everything and I am trying to move forward, He said he was never in another relationship during the months he ghosted me and that he stopped talking to them ages before coming back to me.

    This is just my opinion on this matter...considering from what you've mentioned above, since you were brave enough to confront him about being ghost...he did come forth with an explanation. The thing is that although you two weren't involved..you and him both had free reign to see other people despite if there were still feelings there between the two of you. Perhaps this free reign had helped him come to realize that its you he wanted to be with. Sometimes in certain circumstances this does happen whenever someone is not sure or confused about being in a committed relationship.

    Also, its apparent that him being engaged sexually with other guys is a problem for you since you did do your own investigating of a particular guy that he was involved with at that time. Have you ever heard the saying that goes..."When you snoop around...you are destined to find out something that you may not been prepared to find out"

    Confronting your boyfriend about this may cause him to become a little upset and accuse you of not trusting him. Also, this snooping and confronting also shows signs of distrust as well as the insecurities on your part even though you found out that information, but at the end of the day, he may have a change of heart as to whether he wants to have a relationship with you.

    The bottom line is this...when you make the decision to start fresh with someone...you have to do that exact thing..START FRESH AND MOVE ON!!!!! If you keep bringing up matters that deals with what happened while you two weren't together then in the long run you will never have that desired relationship you long for with him. Might as well go on about your lives then. In regards to liking the photo..it could well be just that...LIKING THE PHOTO. Although these two have been involved sexually does not mean that they do not have a common like with each other. Since you have been coming at him with situations already...in my opinion since you were snooping around...I would not bring this up to him. Time will tell if he and this guy still have something going on because I truly believe that what's in the dark will surely come to light.

    I would suggest to take things slowly and one day at a time and if you are not ready to deal with what you may find out by snooping around on your boyfriend then I think perhaps you should stop doing so altogether. If something is meant for you to see or find out..the universe has a way of getting that information to you.
     
    #5 JonSomebody, Jun 1, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2017
  6. Itisthefear

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    I'm really baffled by the fact that you gave him a 2nd chance after he "ghosted" you.
    Nobody Deserves to be treated like that!

    it looks like he ghosted you so that he can see what these guys have to offer and if it wasnt that good he would return back to you...

    and you are losing your point here, because by accepting him back back then you sort of accepted this behavior, so you really cant be mad at him now.
    If someone ghosted me like that the first thing i would have thought would be that that person is hooking up with other people.
     
  7. ScottRhys

    ScottRhys Guest


    You're right, I'm baffled that I gave him another chance as well.. I love him but I don't think i love him like I used too. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth and I am always tallying up dates in my head trying to catch him out as a result.

    What can I say? I'M MISERABLE. Utterly miserable, usually wouldn't go as far to say I'm depressed but hell, I'm feeling pretty damn depressed. I really don't see 'my place' on earth, obviously I've got things that mean a lot to me like family, but without that... I don't have a friendship circle, no career, no qualifications, and no idea what the hell I'm doing!

    His behaviour is not okay.. but he makes me happier than I was when I was alone. It may be bad to say that I'm with him because I enjoy the company of being in a relationship but considering how he 'ghosted' me to sleep around and then have the cheek to return, I guess he's had something like this coming to him.