Hey, so i've been sexually active for a couple years now and every time I experience so much shame or guilt afterwards. I feel overexposed and dirty and just wrong. I have identified as a lesbian for awhile but have been questioning my gender for a couple years now. I am never completely naked unless i'm with a partner (and its only rarely then) and I am almost never a bottom. (if so the shame is so much i can't get out of bed or really function) I identify more masculinely and wish I had a dick, but I have to use dildos instead. I don't know if its dysphoria or growing up religious but it's really affecting my life and I don't feel comfortable sharing it with my therapist. I am very sex positive and want to have sex, but without all the shame! How have you overcome it? Am I the only one? What do I need to to? The more I push myself the worse I feel. Please let me know what has helped you. thank you! (*hug*)
I deal with the same thing. I don't know when it really started, but it's difficult for me to be intimate with others now. It's taken a lot of thought, but i feel that I am asexual to some degree, even though I'm sex positive as well. Maybe take this into consideration. It's hard for me because when not in a relationship, I have a sex drive and am rather promiscuous. Once in a relationship, there is no desire and I have feelings of shame and disgust. I find that I am happier when I don't have sex with my partner. I hope this helped somewhat.
I totally get that, but I do feel the desire and feel more connected in some ways to my partner afterwards. I want to have sex, I just feel awful about it. Thank you for your insight though!
Maybe you are transgendered and can't stand the gender you are right now, but don't want to admit it to yourself? I rly have no idea, that is a shot in the dark in hopes I can help someone else, because I'm rather confused ATM too.
Shame is a powerful emotion and certainly can have an impact on how you feel before, during and after physical intimacy. Consider reading these two blogs which reflects my own personal journey making myself vulnerable and dealing with my own feelings of shame. I did find success in managing the shame, albeit never truly eliminating it, and have found internal peace as a result. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/onthehighway/14596-vulnerability-closure-letting-go.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/onthehighway/14595-managing-shame-internalized-homophobia.html
Yep, I definitely get this. Usually when I feel there's some block between me or my partner emotionally, or if I'm feeling dysphoric about my gender. In the beginning, it mostly happened due to ingrained homophobia (since when I was still identifying as a woman I was scared to admit I was attracted to them) but later it also came because I was terrified of being seen as a woman by the woman I was having sex with. It made me feel as though I was lying, or was a liar, to her and she liked me for the wrong reasons. However, this also happened with men but I'm not afraid to admit my attraction to men, so then it's just the dysphoria that is a problem. Anyway. I guess we just have to learn to be really honest with ourselves and who we're with too.
