Some times good things happen!

Something important to share...there are a lot of things shared here on emptyclosets that are about the problems we have, and that's ok because we all need a place to vent and/or look for help and encouragement. So today I get to share a GOOD thing that happened!

I started a list a few days ago of things that I would like to be able to do some day. The first two things on the list were; 1) Go to a Gay Pride Parade & 2) Go to a Gay Bar. I would just like to go and watch. I don't really feel any need to join in...I'd just like to see what's going on, feel the atmosphere. I'd like to just be in a place where I know that most of the other people there are gay...be part of the "group" and feel like I belong. I talked to a friend (one of a very few to whom I am out) about this and he said that he would be willing to help me with these "goals". The catch is that I don't feel comfortable doing either of these things without my wife knowing about it and being at least ok with it, even if she isn't really excited about it. I talked to my therapist and he agrees with me. My therapist is gay and my wife knows that. He has met her and she even spent some time with him without me....letting him tell her more about what he and I talk about in our sessions and just assuring her that he isn't trying to "turn me gay" (how could he? I already am gay! ). She likes him and they get along quite well. That really does help a lot...the fact that she trusts him. Anyway, this afternoon we were driving to the next town (larger than where we live) to do some shopping and I just decided that I needed to tell her what I wanted to do and ask her how she felt. This is actually a really big thing. We have talked some about me being gay and what I want to do, what I want to change and what I don't want to change since I came out to her. However, we haven't talked much and I have basically told her that I don't plan on any significant changes. I haven't made any real changes in the year since I came out to her, although she has noticed and commented that I am much more relaxed and calm than I used to be. She has also noticed that I tend to hug and kiss her more often than I used to. I know that sounds strange, but since I no longer have that terrible secret burdening me down and because it no longer is between us, I do feel closer to her than ever before...gay or not!! Not only that, but she accepted me when so many wives have divorced their husbands after finding out they were gay. Telling her what I wanted to do was almost as bad as when I came out to her! I was nervous and shaking and almost in tears (I cried later). But I went through with it and told her what I wanted and why I felt like I needed to do these things. It wasn't easy for either one of us. We talked for a while and she asked why I felt like I needed to do these things. Because we are a very religious family it made things a lot worse. To us, just going into a bar is a pretty big bad thing, much less a gay bar. It's the "slippery slope" concept. If you never take the first step on the path to evil then you'll never do the evil thing. Of course I don't think watching a parade or just going to a bar to look around is really evil... but that is not how our church feels and my wife has been a member of that church basically since she was born. I have been a member since I was about 22. She didn't want me to do these things but she said she would think about it. I told her that I would not do any thing like that without her agreement. About an hour later she said she had made up her mind. That surprised me because I was thinking she would take a few days or a week to think about it. She said that if I felt like I needed to do these things that she trusted me and I could go ahead!!!!!! I've got to tell you just how big a step this is!! It's kind of like being able to "escape" a trap that you found yourself in and being able to get out. This is really quite incredible. A year ago if you told me that I would be able to go to a gay bar and that my wife would be OK with it, I would never have believed it!! So now I have to make arrangements and plan my "outing"....seriously exciting!!! ......David