One Year Since Coming to EC.

One year ago, I came here with another user name and nervously posted that I think I might be gay:

but then I got scared:

I ended up deleting my account and running away...

One year later it seems so incredulous that I was so scared about this.. but looking back the rush of all those pent up emotions was overwhelming and it felt like I was losing control.

but now, one year later, it feels so good to be gay, coming out was the best thing I ever did for myself. I know there are still a lot of hurdles, but being gay feels so beautifulI am so happy for finally accepting who I am.

 

Thanks.
Sometimes I get a little sad that I repressed this for so long and my coming out process was slow. I still have doubt/shame/guilt moments but I feel so alive and comfortable in my sexuality, i more see those moments as old bad habits.

---------- Post added 29th May 2017 at 08:39 PM ----------

Thanks! and what's amazing is we were so afraid of this part of ourselves for so long!

 

Thanks! it's amazing to read back over threads 'questioning' make lists of why I may or may not be gay...

It seems silly now but it was a necessary process. When I first came here I shrugged off the terms 'internalized homophobia' or when i was arguing that I was not gay and it was just a fetish, and someone suggested that my interest in woman would fade once I accepted myself and that I will start to think romantically about men, I thought it was ridiculous.

But sure enough as acceptance grew.. my 'dreams' and goals have become romantic ones with men. To even think about having a boyfriend and looking into his eyes and saying 'i love you' is 100x more intense than anything i ever felt of did with women.

---------- Post added 31st May 2017 at 05:53 PM ----------

and you've been there gently encouraging me all along