I don't think I'm difficult to get along with, but I seem to be quite boring. I don't watch TV shows, movies, or read books. The things I do also tend to be narrow—I only play one game, for example, and the only hobby I really have is drawing, which bores me when I talk about it. I also tend to be extremely introverted. I go weeks without socializing in my free time. This doesn't quite bother me but I'm pretty sure it doesn't do me any favors. Still, even the most introverted people want to have good friends. The ones I have are wonderful, but the conversations we have are seldom interesting to me. So here's what I want to know: 1. Am I expecting too much out of what a friendship is supposed to be? 2. Should I change my mindset somehow? I just feel awfully bland and would like to know if I can be doing anything better.
Well Nychthemeron, The main way to gain and keep friends is to have things in common with them such as hobbies or interests. What exactly is your idea of an 'ideal' friend? What would the two of you do together?
My ideal friend would be someone who shares my passion for academics. That's pretty much the only thing I find myself enjoying: learning things. Particularly, languages. I also find it very fun to work on a project together with someone. But that is it. And if I could describe a perfect "play date" it would be hanging out in the library, studying for a test together, or learning how to build something together, et cetera. I've also always wanted to have a partner to practice languages with too. It may be because I'm a teenager, but nobody I'm around does stuff like this for fun. They only do it because they have to. I've tried to get into more conventional things, but I just can't. It's no fun pretending to be someone you aren't. But as I said, maybe I'm expecting too much. I just need someone to tell me.
Hey Nychthemeron, That's a fairly narrow/select friendship group that you describe. There are definitely people like that out there. It sounds like there aren't many people like that where you currently live. Presumably, you plan on going to a college that has strong programs in the academics areas that interest you, so you are very likely to find such friends there. Just a thought.
Nychthemeron, in my opinion, you don't have to change a thing. Your mindset, your hobbies, or your ways will not matter if someone really wants to make friends with you. I also have an introverted friend and I'm telling you, there's not a thing about her and I that is similar. But we absolutely love each other's company. I don't know how it happens but it does happen without us trying too hard.
There are people out there that you describe. Thing is, that you don't need to have a large friend group. You can have a small friend group of even three people or less and still be satisfied- especially if you're an introvert. I can relate to not knowing who to click with, but for different reasons. I have more varied hobbies, and enjoy talking about them, but I don't want to talk about "problems" and "feelings" like all the women I know do (and I'm afraid to make guy friends since they all want in my pants eventually, sigh). I just want to do things- shared activities. I want to be able to play video games or hang out with someone with shared silence from time to time. I envy the kind of friendships men seem to get with other men. lol Instead of moping or changing myself though, I just try to stay true to myself and find people I'm compatible with. Hence finding my best friend. She shares the same hobbies, likes to talk about intellectual conversations, and we're both independent people who don't need to share our problems or a shoulder to cry on (if it happens, It's extremely rare and not an every hang out thing). It's ideal to me, I just need to meet more people like that. Maybe you will do, you just need to be upfront about your interests and ideal friendship.
Thanks for all your responses. This is true. I'm aiming to attend such a college so I hope that will happen. You're right. That's comforting to hear. But don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the company of the friends I currently have. It's just that they are built upon circumstances and not shared interests, and those don't last very long. May I ask what you and your friend talk about and/or do together? I am aware. I only have two people I really talk to. It's less of an "I want more friends" issue and more of an "I want a friend I can get passionate with" issue. But you are also right, that it's better to be upfront about this sort of thing. I just hope it won't mess up my chances, hah. Sorry to hear of your own trouble, though. Glad you found someone you really clicked with in the end.
Once you get to college and study what you're interested in, you'll meet others that will be more enthused to talk or work on projects that you're into. However I suggest branching out and finding new hobbies. Life is too short not to experience as much as you can... Who knows maybe you'll end up loving something you never imagined you'd like.
I'm unsure of what else I can try. I've done most popular hobbies I think. Maybe it's not the lack of interests I share, but rather the lack of enthusiasm others have for them. As others have said, yes, there are people out there who share my interests, and I've met them, but they never seem excited about it. I've been told I come off too strong, but I don't know. Certainly it isn't wrong to show emotion over something you really enjoy? But perhaps it's too annoying to some people? Really, I think I already knew what I could do in this situation, but it helps when other people tell me. Otherwise, I just don't know if I'm kidding myself. Thanks again.
