Hi. I just came out to my mom about my sexuality. She took it very well, and we talked a little about it. But after 10 minutes or so I began to feel very sad. I feel like she may see me as another person now. And I also feel stressed about telling my dad. I feel anxious if I think about telling him. I wanted to say it to them both, but I just couldn't... I just got so insecure about what I told my mother. Anyone who has experienced something like this? And if you have, did your relationship with your parents change?
Hi Frypan It's really amazing that you had the courage to come out to your mum. With coming out, it's not unusual to have feelings such as sadness. But also remember that you had a good reaction from your mum too and that those feelings hopefully will fade. How would you feel about telling your dad in a few days time?
Thank you for your answer HerRainbow. I could try, but I can't control when I am able to come out and when I am not. I think I would get stressed or sad if I set a goal. I believe I just gotta say it when I have the courage. Like yesterday
Hey I have felt like this too it is really much more common than you think. Sometimes trying to tell someone can be built up to be such a big thing and you almost expect to feel so much better after that it can be a bit of a let down. Coming out to someone also opens you up and makes you feel really vulnerable. Could your mum tell your dad or do you want to tell him yourself? If so no rush just do it when you feel ready.
Hey Silverhalo. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I want to say it to him myself. But if I can't I guess it would be a good idea to let my mother tell him
Yeah or if you want the words to come to you but you dont think you could say them then you could write him a letter. It's whatever you feel most comfortable with.
No worries. Coming out is exciting and confusing and an emotional rollercoaster. It can be empowering and heartbreaking and everything in between but don't ever feel like you are alone (*hug*).
Gaining the courage to come out to your mom in the first place is great! Congratz! This is an experience many people have (so I hear), and it is completely normal for any situation. Basically, your mom showed complete support, but you think she was lying. This can happen at any time with anyone, especially people that you see day-to-day in your life. The situation with you dad is a complex social fear. You are comfortable with telling some of your friends and some of your family, but not your dad. I am the same way. I am comfortable with telling my mom and my friends about my sexuality, but my dad...NO WAY! Hopefully, you figure everything out in the near future. Remember, that you don't have to come out to your dad.
Coming out is crazy weird. Basically I became unhappy with holding on to a facade of who I was and have begun to let go of it. When I first came out I felt high for a day or a few but started to... not regret it, but feel like I lost a part of myself. I guess it's like shedding a layer of skin. It feels great to get rid of the bad stuff but getting used to your new (public) identity is a transition. If you're concerned about them seeing you differently, I feel like that's super normal and a huge reason why people procrastinate coming out. The best way to mitigate this is to continue to be yourself (show that your sexuality doesn't define you/change who you are) and recognize that your gender/sexuality probably didn't matter so much intrinsically to the relationship anyways. Maybe it's not that clear-cut but I think it's a generally sound framework to work off of.
Congrats on coming out to your mum! Maybe you could talk to her about your father, she is probably the person who knows him the best. And I doubt that she will see you as an entirely different person, if anything then maybe as a more honest person, since you've just tod her the truth. Don't worry, your feelings are totaly valid! I thinks it is really understandable why you feel like this. Take it step by step!
