Is it normal for queer girls to attract weird guys?

I think sometimes queer girls can attract homophobic/biphobic jerk guys, but that's just cause the guys are jerks and want to be jerks.

 

In my personal experience, I've attracted guys that fetishize lesbians or female-on-female intimacy to some degree. I've also had guy friends who think it's okay to talk about other women in highly sexual & objectified ways. The same guy friends seem to think it's okay to send me random nude pictures of other women because they assume that if I also like women, I'll have the same attitude towards women as my guy friends do. But some straight men don't understand that lesbian & queer women in general are not sexual fantasies or objects, we shouldn't have to be fetishized, and it's not okay to talk about women inappropriately just because we may be attracted to women...we are women too, after all. And just because we are attracted to women doesn't mean we want to act inappropriately toward them. I don't know, but I feel that as soon as straight men find out a woman is queer, they get all creepy about it. It doesn't happen that way with all men, of course, but it does seem to happen with the majority of men who give queer women the wrong kind of attention.

 

I don't attract guys at all anymore, I think because I pretty much avoid them in social situations. But when I was younger, I attracted guys who had a lot of the same misconceptions about me. I was an awkward, standoffish introvert, and some guys interpreted this as me having low self esteem. There's that creepy subset of guys who want a girl who doesn't realize her own attractiveness and worth. I don't know if this is completely related to me being a lesbian, but I think my aloofness due to lack of interest led them to these conclusions about my personality.

If you're dissatisfied with the kind of people you're attracting, I think the only solution is to seek out the type of people you do want to spend time with more actively.

 

As far as guys go, I seem to only attract such a sort. The kind who are pushy, fetishize you, and won't take no for an answer. I suppose it's made me a little sour when dealing with others since I'm honestly expecting it at this point, but who knows.

You'd think they'd give up after the fifth "I'm gay, no thanks." or "I'm not open for a relationship right now" but no. At least you can block people here online, but in person? Awkward...

 

Such a good post! And I don't think this happens so much the other way around. Since coming out to a select few people (mostly female), they haven't been asking me which guys I wanna bone or talking to me about men in a derogatory fashion. It's sad that queer women have to experience this kind of discrimination and backwards thinking from essentially neanderthal men who can't view women as equals.

 

Yes, a lot of men fetishize lesbians.

 

I find I tend to attract guys who see me as vulnerable. Ironically, they're usually the lost and lonely types themselves, but I guess because they feel that no one will protect them, that they have to be the protector, which is pretty depressing in itself. I think some guys take your friendliness or openness towards them as a sign that you're interested, and like the fact that you're not being too 'forward,' since it means that you're a nice, unassuming sort of girl. For me at least, there was one particular guy who took this reluctance to mean that I needed him to prove his loyalty and his ability to look after me before I was willing to be with him, which ended up hurting both of us a lot, since he was trying to channel his own family issues in to an aggressive sort of courtship, and I wasn't quite at the point where I understood that I didn't want to be with men, so I couldn't even defend not wanting to be with him, without hurting his feelings and him taking that out on me in turn, so on and so forth and it sucked.

Basically, I think there's a long way to go in terms of women, queer or otherwise being taken seriously when they say no. Being queer (in my case gay) just makes it that much worse, since guys who are insecure or lonely will hold it against you as an attack on them.

 

My sister and a female friend of mine always seemed to attract weird guys, and both of them are straight... Though when I was in high school only the weird girls seemed attracted to me.

 

This sometime makes me disappointed being a guy and
saying sorry that you girls have to experienced that bullshit.

But i wonder why so many adult women discuss me behind my back.
"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" or "Are you sure it's a boy?" like it's the first world problem. :rolle:
And say it whit a clear voice to get a reaction from me grin: i don't give that satisfaction)
It don't happen so much now than when i was a kid/young teen.

Now they mostly stare at me or maybe try to casual pass by to get a closer look at my face.
:eusa_doh: I can tell it's not because they consider what food or clothes they should buy.

If they talked to me instead, i won't feel so creeped out sometimes...
But i guess whit an androgyn look i have to deal with it.

 

As a male adult, while yet young, females and males come on though there is no clue from me. The reacting is to ignore, smile and go away, simply give the brush off. PERIOD. The few who take not the hint are to be put off by requiring fellow peoples to help by going to them, leaving the it behind. Some times a cry for help, soft but for real, is of need. The few rapists left in the few times it happens requires a call for help screaming. Twice this avails nothing but a bumbling attempt at rape against arms and legs ascrambling. Am aware this is not 100% any guarantee. The one time use of a gun urges a run away, shoot if you dare. Success there !

 

I just try to avoid talking to guys I get bad vibes from as much as possible. I have really cool guy friends but there are a lot of guys I know that are just plain sexist and creepy. I tend to put off people a bit so it's not much of a problem for me. I'm afraid though when I start dating I'll become fetishized a lot more :/

 

For me recently, straight guys that I attract are similar to this, or they back away because they think I'll start acting like the weird straight guys I attract.

 

Also, whenever I point this stuff out to guys I know, they get upset and act like I'm being rude...like seriously? They dismiss my feelings completely because they don't understand where I'm coming from, and because they don't seem to place value on who I am as a lesbian woman. I've actually been dismissed by a gay guy friend before...he dismissed my sexual/romantic feelings towards other women and told me that he thinks I'm just "going through a sexy phase." It was like....what the hell?? I want to make a point that I know not all men, especially not gay men, do this (and some women do this also). But I was just shocked that a friend of mine who is also in the LGBT+ community would even try to dismiss me like that. It's beyond me, frankly

 

I tend to attract either shy and sweet guys and/or super conservative guys who I don't even have to say I'm gay to get rid of, all I have to do is tell them I'm a vegetarian and they're gone. :icon_bigg lol

 

Probably every female has had their fair share of creepy or weird guys come onto them. Just to sate my curiosity, though, what are you like? Expression wise, personality? Where do you frequent? Your typical femme straight cis girl holds no interest for me, but a butch, androgynous, or otherwise "different" (anything from goth to geek, really) is sure to turn my head. Approaching is another story.

 

What appeal does a lesbian have over straight women to "weird" guys?